The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #43

Thanksgiving is just a few days away, and perhaps in the hopes of being released from their labors for a four-day weekend, the lazy lexicographers here at the "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary have released some new entries for this twisted lexicon.  Now this is rather unusual behavior for a staff that normally has to verbally abused, if not physically beaten, to get them to notice such responsibilities.  

One might suspect that beyond their desire for a better venue from which to watch the Macy's parade and the football games, that they've begun to hear rumors of their impending dismissal and are attempting to work their way back into the good graces of Senior Staff. (Little do they know that the Senior Staff will likewise be 'transitioning to new opportunities').  More like however, is that they're looking for time away from Headquarters to try and polish up their resumes before being cast to the winds to seek their own futures.

Regardless of the petty personnel problems associated with the continued literary production here however, it comes to my attention that many of you reading this have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject.  (Shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary'). 

For those of you even more woefully unfamiliar with this rather twisted reference effort, the SOS Dictionary is a guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS Dictionary staff.

Laws:
 

1. Rules included in a City Charter, the Ohio Revised Code, or passed by City Council and/or ratified by the Mayor which apply to the citizens of Toledo, Ohio; but not to the elected officials who voted on them.

(This definition ostensibly applies only within the confines of the Glass City, though it is often marginally modified for use in every city in Ohio, as well as in States across the nation and at Federal levels as well.)

2. Rules written and voted on by legislators at any level of government that have grown increasing incomprehensible and unintelligible to anyone, including those who wrote them, because of their length, their contradictory nature, and their inconsistent enforcement.

(see Regulations)

 
Regulations:

1. Rules written by unelected bureaucrats at any level of government which carry the force of Law; and which have grown increasing incomprehensible and unintelligible to anyone (including those who wrote them) because of their length, their contradictory nature, and their inconsistent enforcement.

2. Government Rules which can be arbitrarily added to, changed, or removed all together by the bureaucracies which created them (and often profit by them) without the knowledge or permission of the Legislators who originally created these unelected fiefdoms or the citizens whose rights are ultimately infringed upon.

(see Laws)

Incomprehensible:

 
1. Something that cannot be known or comprehended.

2. Something which is unintelligible, or in the Biblical sense 'passes all understanding'.

3. Most of what goes on in government at every level.

4. Shutting the down "Just Blowing Smoke" website and dismissing all of the 'so-called' lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary at the end of the year.
(This last definition was included without the prior knowledge or permission of the Senior Editors.)

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #42

The lazy hazy days of summer here in the Midwest are now past and the beautiful fall colors seem to have created a distraction to the lazy lexicographers of the 'Stuck on Stupid' Dictionary.   Either that, or a misguided belief that the recent 'Tin Man' surgery performed on a member of the senior staff left some of these ne'er do wells to believe they could get away with something.  Have no fear however.  We have been promised that order will be swiftly be reestablished with the the swift recovery of our convalescing "Just Blowing Smoke" Disciplinarian.

Regardless of the petty problems associated with the literary production here however, it seem that there many of you reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary').  For those of you thus unfamiliar, the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Political Apology:


1. An acknowledgment of guilt which blames not the politician who creates a situation through their action or inaction, but instead the citizen whose only fault is a failure to understand the consequences of that politician's most recent effort.

The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #41

The warm weather here at the headquarters of Just Blowing Smoke is evidently working as a tonic for the normally lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary.  (Either that, or they are concerned of being crowded out of their cubbyhole by plethora of suggestions for new entries being received.)   Quite frankly, those in Senior Staff don't really care what the reason is as long as they don't have to continue to make excuses for their lack of control over this normally rogue department.

In spite of this increased literary production however, it seem that there many of you reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary').  For those of you thus unfamiliar, the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Budget:
 
1.  A form of bookkeeping in which estimates of expected income and expense for a given period in the future (usually a year) are entered for a given entity in the form of a fiscal ledger. 

2.  An esoteric form of mathematics more closely related to fiction than to fact (at least in the public sector), though these creative efforts are not eligible for literary award as such.

3.  An advanced form of thievery involving the robbing of Peter (like Capital Improvements) to pay Paul (like the General Fund) which can apparently occur without criminal charges after being approved through voter ignorance.  The ultimate goal of these efforts is to perform the deed in such way that Peter doesn't recognize (or at least complain) that his pocket's been picked and Paul doesn't realize he's been gifted.



Surplus:
 
1.  A term nominally used in bookkeeping to describe an excess of assets over liabilities in a given period.

2.  A term used in public sector bookkeeping more to create a positive political message (especially in election years) than to describe a condition of positive fiscal fact which actually doesn't exist.

3.  A term used in often confusing budgetary processes that inaccurately describes the result in the continuous Robbing of Peter to pay Paul so many times that it effectively renders anything purporting to be the truth as meaningless.

(see Budget)

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #40

The normally lazy lexicographers of the 'Stuck on Stupid' Dictionary have, to amazement of most of the staff, produced a second effort within the same month.  Some here at headquarters many are convinced that they felt that they were concerned at being out performed by the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security: but I'm convinced that this latest effort is a challenge that they could not refuse, since it was a suggestion by Maggie Thurber, to whose inspiration they owe their miserable little positions.  Quite frankly, those in Senior Staff don't really care what the reason is as long as they don't have to continue to make excuses for their lack of control over this normally rogue department.

Such inconsistent production however, means that there may actually be those of you reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary').  For those of you thus unfamiliar, the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Double Dip:
 
1. The achievement of getting a second (and sometimes equal or better) measure from the same source.

2. To earn a salary from the source of one position while collecting a pension from a similar source or especially from having held the same position previously.

3. The circumstance when a city charges taxes of every resident to create a police or fire department, then charges them additionally for the costs involved with using it (voluntarily or not).

4. The situation where utility company charges an individual at a standard rate for a provided service, then charges them additionally if the such usage is considered too much or too little service to make the utility profitable enough.

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #38

It seems only fitting that the first post of 2013 should come from the lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary.  After all, their efforts are at best sporadic and at worst all but nonexistent.  Senior Staff has been informed of recently released NLRB (National Labor Relations Board) regulations that appear to prevent them from properly rewarding these staff members for their level of performance (but have no fear, we'll come up with something).

Now there have been some requests over the years for publishing of the ponderous tome better known as the SOS or "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary, but owing to the work ethic and performance level of the SOS scribblers, it's entirely possible that the current crop will all be taking a dirt nap before a comprehensive volume is available.  It's currently too big for a posting and too small for a printing.  If anyone has any ideas as to how to reconcile these seemingly irreconcilable positions, I will be more than happy to submit suggestion to those in charge.

On the other hand, there may actually be those of you who reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary'), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

In light of yet another bit of last minute legislative crisis resolution, the following entry was deemed a necessary addition:
 
Comprehensive Law 

1.  Legislation of a large scope or scale; involving or including much.

2.  Legislation about which the only thing that is truly comprehensive is the confusion it engenders. 

3.  Legislation purposely created so as to be so all-encompassing and so full of confusing and contradictory language as to be proof against anyone's attempts to comprehend its nature and purpose, and to further discourage anyone from even attempting to read it in its entirety.

4.  Legislation of an incomprehensible scope and scale which includes vast areas of extraneous nonsense having nothing to do with the original subject, for no better purpose than to hide unpalatable sections that both those proposing and those voting for them would rather remain off the radar screen and hidden from the light of day. 

5. Legislation so onerous and cumbersome that it's impossible to repair or repeal after passage, when the damage that it's going to cause has finally been uncovered.

The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #37

Just when we thought we had addressed all of the productivity issues (one way or the other) with our crew of rather lackadaisical lexicographers, something beyond the inexcusable occurs; creating the kind of thing that drives the senior editorial staff here at 'Just Blowing Smoke; positively berserk.  (This is a journey which I can assure readers does not add significantly to the carbon footprint of JBS.)

It seems that having recognized that the best way to get back into the good graces of management would be to show some form of exemplary effort where their livelihoods were concerned, this shiftless gaggle of glossarians were attempting to purge their work area of its customary level of filth, when they discovered an entry that had become lost in the flotsam, jetsam, and decaying organic matter that normally keeps the rest of us from entering their work area.  It is therefore with the greatest of apologies (on a number of levels) that we belatedly enter this effort into the SOS lexicon.

For those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this tome of tomfoolery (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but which appear to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Substantially Compliant:

1. Compliance with the essential requirements of a law or statute that satisfies its objective or intent without formally complying with same.

2. The curious claim of City Councilwoman Lindsay Webb during her last re-election bid that written acceptance of her nomination 12 days after being notified is acceptable, in spite of the fact that the City Charter of Toledo requires that such written acceptance be submitted within 5 days (making her argument both weak and a week late).

3. The curious action of the Board of Election in accepting Councilwoman Webb's substantially late paperwork and certifying her for election in spite of being notified by one of its employees of the belated arrival of said documents and the Charter violation involved.

4. The equally belated challenge of her opponent in the election Douglas DeCamp when he filed his paperwork with that same Board of Elections; and the subsequent block of a belated review of this belated paperwork by the Sixth District Court of Appeals.  The result of which left all in substantial compliance with something, but no two in compliance with the same thing.

5. The level of failure shown to good order and discipline by the unintentionally postponed posting of this entire embarrassing episode by the inexcusable retardation of normal activities by the loitering (and littering) behavior of the lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary.  (One cannot help but note however, that this dastardly delinquency does seem curiously appropriate, if not substantially consistent with the whole affair.) 

 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #36

As was noted in the previous SOS posting, it was a surprise to discover that it had been some three months since the most recent entry to this tome of tomfoolery used to document the misuse of the English language.  Perhaps in guilty recompense, there were multiple listings in the previous effort, and multiple entries in this effort as well. Being a powerful motivator (almost as powerful as the threats of personal violence), may even account for the multiple efforts this weekend.  

Having thoroughly 'discussed' this ridiculous lack of production with members of the Senior Staff in a way that they are not likely to soon forget, I cannot say I was surprised by their mostly lame attempts at greater productivity.  I expect some level of these increased efforts to continue for at least the next ten minutes (their normal maximum attention span). 

Now for those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Mismatch

1.  A contest in which one contestant is unable to compete on an equal basis with another due to an inequality in size, training, or simple ability. While sometimes amusing to watch, such contests are normally viewed as unfair by the inequality of their very nature.

2. The decision of a lawyer or politician to challenge another in public without knowing how that challenge may be responded to.  Lawyers know this as the maxim:  "Never ask a question in open court that you don't already know the answer to."

3. Any attempt by Democratic Toledo City Councilman at-large Steven Steel to challenge or engage Independent Mayor Mike Bell either politically, rhetorically, or even physically; since recent attempts to do so have thus far revealed his shocking inability to compete at this rarefied and more professional level of play.


Religion of Peace

1.  A descriptive term used to designate and demonstrate that a given theology is one which encourages non-violence between believers and non-believers.

2. A descriptive term that cannot be used regarding the religion of Islam; since such such judgments should be made not on the basis of accepted doctrine, but on the actions that result from the application of that doctrine.  Religious Courts, Terrorist acts, and War resulting in the murder, mutilation, and property destruction of non-believers in recent history for no greater fault than non-belief disqualifies followers of this religion.

3.  A descriptive term that cannot be used regarding the religion of Christianity; since such such judgments should be made not on the basis of accepted doctrine, but on the actions that result from the application of that doctrine.  The Crusades in Middle East and the Inquisitions in Europe and the Americas, which were perpetrated as organized campaigns of war, murder, and mutilation of non-believers for no greater fault than non-belief disqualifies followers of this religion.

4. A descriptive term that cannot be used regarding the religion of Judaism; since such such judgments should be made not on the basis of accepted doctrine, but on the actions that result from the application of that doctrine.  The Hebrew Bible (Old Testament in the Christian version) which documents the early history of this religion is itself replete with stories of war, murder, and mutilation of non-believers for no greater fault than non-belief disqualifies followers of this religion.

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #35

Fall is upon us and the election rhetoric (among other things) is heating up around the world.  While we have slacked off on our program of "the beatings will continue until morale improves" where the staff is concerned, the occasional 'head slap' or 'kick in the slats' continues to be a regular practice in motivating the lazy lexicographers working on the "Stuck on Stupid" dictionary.  

It was a surprise however, to discover that it had been some three months since the most recent entry to this tome of tomfoolery, used to document the misuse of the English language.  For that reason if no other, there will be multiple listings in today's effort.   Senior staff will shortly be receiving a memo to report for their own 'slap and slat' session as well.

For those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Now you would think that an establishment created to store and lend some of the greatest literature in the world (along with some really hideous Barney videos) would have a better grasp of the English language.  Like that organization in its choice of words and acronyms of common parlance, you would apparently be wrong.  While they are not alone in self-abusive articulation, they are first on today's list.

SOL

1.  An acronym of common parlance that stands for Shit Outa' Luck, which for those not up on common parlance means that you either had no luck where this situation was concerned, or if you did, you no longer retain it; placing your odds at a successful result in your efforts in the range of dismal.

2. An acronym currently being used by the Toledo Public Library as a marketing slogan in support of their November levy request, and designed to stand for "Save Our Library".

3. The likelihood that that the Library marketing scheme will be remembered, and if remembered, will not be confused with the term of more common parlance.  Its use will probably be sniggered over as an error in judgment at best, and a massive screw up in their levy attempt at worst (see FUBAR).

4.  The likelihood that the Library levy will pass if this is the level of marketing and political savvy possessed by their organization.


Arab Spring

1. A political resistance movement that began in December of 2010, in which oppressive governments in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, and Yemen were overthrown; and in which civil uprisings continue in Syria and Bahrain in the hope of one day replacing their oppressive regimes. 

2. A political resistance movement which appears to be so important to those involved that it's capable of being side-tracked by Cartoons, YouTube videos, and public statements by people who only their neighbors have heard of before. (And now no doubt, by this definition.)

3. A political resistance movement which has largely succeeded in replacing oppressive secular dictatorships and monarchies in the region with oppressive 'democracies' that act far more like the oppressive theocracies which most foreign policy experts insisted could never take control.

4. A political resistance movement which has been largely supported by pronouncements from the US State Department and funds from US Foreign Aid; and which has been rewarded for such support by the killing of a US Ambassador and three other Americans (so far) and millions in damage to US Embassy property.

5. Yet another of the current Administration's foreign policy nightmares marked by inconsistency and apology, in which the US pays protection money to governments run by thugs and terrorists, with little if anything to show for it's investment other than hate, murder, and destruction.  (The President's former minister Jeremiah Wright once previously called this "America's chickens coming home to roost.)


Since I didn't manage to put together a good weekend rant, and because I can still hear the scribes appropriately scribbling behind their locked door (I have the key); it seems likely that there will be yet another SOS posting before the weekend's over.
   

The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #34

The normally lazy lexicographers working on the "Stuck on Stupid" dictionary have decided to become more productive without further physical motivation exercises (ending practices that violated the Geneva Conventions and have mostly been banned by the UN).  Apparently they've decided that the regular release of efforts for the SOS dictionary are far more likely to improve their working conditions and perhaps even rate them a better long-term compensation plan.  (Personally, I just think they're jealous of the Cheetos and AC that we supply to the DJBSS in their attic Command Center.)  Senior staff will continue to evaluate not only the quantity of their efforts, but the quality before re-opening negotiations (Kansas is after all, a right to work state).  Besides, we're already spending more in our Cheetos budget than we can reasonably afford.

Now for those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different when looked at in a political context, especially to those us who have come to understand the often peculiar vernacular of politics in Toledo, Northwest Ohio ... and sometimes even the nation as a whole.

Campaign Contributions

1.  Money raised for political purposes usually only mentioned these days in conjunction with "Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission".   This was a landmark US Supreme Court case in which, by a 5-4 decision, the Justices essentially held that money and speech could be considered the same thing when it came to campaign expenditure and that according to the First Amendment; the government was therefore prohibited from placing restrictions on such independent expenditures.  The restraint of this prohibition was held to be true whether you were an individual, a corporation, or a union.

2.  Money raised in a particularly evil form of 'election buying' and considered a travesty by the political left about the political right when they are outspent and lose the issue that had been placed before the voters. (ie: The Governor Scott Walker recall vote of 2012 in Wisconsin, where the right apparently outspent the left by a ratio of 7 to 1, though some numbers are in dispute.) 

3.  Money raised in a particularly evil form of 'election buying' and considered a travesty by the political right about the political left when they are outspent and lose the issue that had been placed before the voters. (ie: The Ohio "Issue 2" vote of 2011 (also known as SB5) in which the left apparently outspent the right by at least a ratio of over 3 to 1, though some numbers are in dispute.)

4.  Money raised by major party presidential candidates, the amounts of which are only released when they can do the most good to themselves and the most harm to their opponents.  The candidate raising the greater amount attempting to prove (incorrectly) that the ability to raise campaign money equates to the ability to lead.  The candidate raising the lesser amount of money usually thanking contributors for their cash before citing the 'Citizens United' decision as the reason that there is too much money in politics.

5.  Money raised which has apparently led to a great deal more discussion of political issues, candidates, and elections around the country.  It has likewise performed the function of no longer leaving the message delivered on these elections in the hands of representatives of the two major political parties, allowing independent voices from all sides of politics the opportunity to get their own messages across.  While the results of such discussion are far from in, the increased level of discussion has been generally seen as a good thing, and the level of spending on campaigns while increased, has had no demonstrably negative effects on the electoral process.     

The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #33

Apparently the staff disciplinarian here at Just Blowing Smoke has achieved a modicum of success through the occasional beating of the lazy lexicographers working on the "Stuck on Stupid" dictionary.  And though it would be difficult to say that morale has improved, these 'enthusiasm enhancing episodes' appear to do have had at least some impact on the quantity, if not the quality of their efforts.  (Personally, I just think they're jealous of the Cheetos that we supply to the DJBSS in their attic Command Center.)  Senior staff will continue to search for new ways to 'inspire' greater output.

Now for those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different when looked at in a political context, especially to those us who have come to understand the often peculiar vernacular of politics in Toledo, Northwest Ohio ... and sometimes even the nation as a whole.

Tuition:

1. A sum of money imposed for the purposes of defraying the costs associated with an education annually on a per student basis.

2. A sum of money which is usually considered too low for the purposes of defraying the costs of a K-12 education annually on a per student basis; possibly because the charges carry a 'veil of invisibility' from being spread over property tax payers whether they have children in school or not.  (This is not to be confused with the sum paid for the same K-12 education at private schools, which is usually less, and paid directly to those schools by the parents who use it in addition to the taxes which they otherwise pay.)

3. A sum of money which is usually considered too high when paid to an institution of higher learning for a college education annually on a per student basis; in spite of the fact that it's nearly identical to the sum paid for the K-12 education.  (The difference in how this number is perceived may be due to the fact that it has lost its 'veil of invisibility', is not spread over property tax payers whether they have children in school or not, and must therefore be paid for either by the parents or the students themselves  ... even if they have to borrow the money to do so.)

The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #32

I know that it has been far too long since proper additions to this reference tome have been made, but it appears that the lexicographers in charge of such work managed to conceal the only complete copy of this work in a misguided attempt to get away with what amounts to little more than a case of criminal laziness. While the staff disciplinarian here at Just Blowing Smoke continues to occasionally beat the wretches until morale improves, these 'enthusiasm enhancing episodes' appear to do have little impact on either the quantity or the quality of their efforts.  (Personally, I just think they're jealous of the Cheetos that we supply to the DJBSS in their attic Command Center.)  Senior staff will continue to search for new ways to 'inspire' greater output.

Now for those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different to those us who have come to understand the often peculiar vernacular of politics in Toledo, Northwest Ohio, and sometimes the nation as a whole.

... gate:

1.  A movable barrier, sometimes on hinges, used to provide access to an area protected by a fence or wall.

2.  A combining form which, when attached to the end of another word, depicts a scandal having to do with that original word; normally used by the mainstream media for no better reason than their own laziness and lack of creativity.

(Few if any remember that the original use of such intellectual shortcuts came from the Watergate scandal in 1972, which was not in fact a scandal about 'Water', but was the name of the Washington DC office complex in which a politically motivated break-in was committed by members of the Nixon re-election campaign team at the Democratic National Headquarters.)


... ocracy:

1.  From the Greek 'kratia' - meaning strength or to rule (govern)

2.  A combining form used to designate the group of people given the power to govern.  Examples of such types of rule are:  Aristocracy (an elite group), Meritocracy (a group of those with special or superior ability), Mediocracy (a group with no special ability), Bureaucracy (a group with the ability to find non-elected government jobs - see Mediocracy) Democracy - (a group which has the ability to vote ... in this country, normally a very small group).

3. A sub-category of the combining form where terms are created to be used as an effective insult to define those currently attempting (and usually failing miserably) to govern.  Examples of such types of rule are:  Ineptocracy (a group of people with no special ability except that to fail), Idiocracy (a group of those considered Idiots, but not Village Idiots ), Kakocracy (a group of people considered 'natural fertilizer'), Congress (while not ostensibly ending in 'ocracy', a nevertheless effective comparison when using the standard set out in #3)

SOS Dictionary: A New 'Terrorism' Definition

Last week's cross-disciplinary effort was apparently much more fun for the staff than I had realized (or intended, for that matter). Both the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security and the Stuck on Stupid lexicographers asked for an opportunity to try again.  (I originally suspected that sampling a hidden bottle in the attic that they didn't want to share caused this attempt to repeat their effort.  I have since come to believe however, that it has more to do with the flattery advanced by a certain attractive lady from a land far away.)    

In the spirit of benevolent dictatorship, I bowed to this entreaty, knowing that the chances they could equal their last effort were worse than Michelle Bachmann's odds on getting the Republican presidential nomination.  (Of course it might have something to do with the fact that I'm a slacker who sees no reason to write something of my own when someone else volunteers.)  After an extended session in which scrap paper was generated equivalent to the number of trees required to deforest Delaware, I was presented with a result that I had neither looked for, nor expected.  

Looking at this effort now, I can't help but be amazed at their exhaustive research (which I assume from the periodic snoring that came from upstairs) in identifying a previously known, but unrecognized core group of nefarious characters plotting against this nation.  I found this group to be not only a credible threat, but insidiously clever in calling themselves by the very name that describes their activities.  

This 'hiding in plain sight' mentality is an excellent form of misdirection; but unfortunately for them, one that proved not entirely successful when subjected to the scrutiny of a group of miscreants who are themselves well-schooled in the art of not being noticed when they don't want to be.  I therefore present the following addition both as a terror alert and as a new definition for the Stuck on Stupid (SOS) Dictionary.

Terrorism:

Taxing the
Evil
Rich to 
Reduce
Obligations
Resulting from an
Immoderate government
Spending 
Movement

1.  The efforts of 'Tax and spend' true believers in Congress and the White House who seek to mitigate their profligate spending through the forced confiscation of the abundance of those they deem affluent.

2.  The misguided attempts of followers of the 'Robin Hood' theory of economics (like Paul Krugman) that justifies giving the poor that which they have not earned and don't deserve by taking it from an alleged 'evil rich' who have committed no crime except succeeding at life through their own hard work.

3.  The misguided tactics of a guerrilla government to balance its books by robbing Peter to pay Paul.  The inherent failure of their tactics comes from the fact that Peter can never have enough taken from him to make Paul happy.

4.  Grand Inquisitors of Keynesian economics using WMD's (Weapons of Mass Distraction) to so poison the intellect of the electorate that they believe that although the top 1% of wage earners pay 38% and the top 10% pay 70% of the taxes in this country, they are not paying their 'fair share'.  (statistics are from The Heritage Foundation)

5.  The activities of suicide bombers like Warren Buffet and Ron Howard who misuse a combination of wealth and celebrity to destroy economic growth in this country through the use of 'Media Explosive Devices' (MED's) that maim rich and poor alike when detonated in public places. 

6.  The actions of elected officials (mostly rich themselves) who believe that it's alright to take money from other rich people as long as the 'servants of the people' are left alone with their lavish pensions and exceptional medical care. 

7.  The strategies of subversive left-wing social planners, with an army of IRS enforcers at their back, who have managed to create an aura of fear wherever and whenever the concept of personal success rears its ugly head in this country.

8.  The stunts performed by adversaries of free market capitalism who have pronounced a jihad on those who believe in the principle of the 'pursuit' of happiness, rather than government-enforced egalitarianism.

9.  The enterprises of insurgents that hand money that isn't theirs (and exists only as government debt) to Wall Street brokers and 'too big to fail' bankers by the wheelbarrow full, only to later feign attacks on them for the purpose of disingenuous propaganda; all the while appropriating funds to continue to do so from the innocent bystanders they claim to be defending.

10.  Seditionist strategies by elements of society that claim to be attempting to free the people of this country through an unrelenting program of tax slavery.

11.  The activity of those who see themselves best suited to pick the winners and losers in life by attacking the most successful on behalf of the least able.


Those who have somehow missed previous Terror Alerts or entries in the "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary may find them by typing 'terrorism' or 'dictionary' into the search function on the left tab.


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The New Definition of Govt "STIMULUS"

In perhaps the finest example of cross-disciplinary cooperation in the history of "Just Blowing Smoke", the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security and the lexicographers of the "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary have combined their talents to produce this weekend's effort. Senior staff at JBS, understanding that potential jurisdictional disputes could create unnecessary friction; or worse, incite the staff to seek organization under a union, spared no expense in securing the full cooperation of the respective personnel.  

Of course this meant that we had to send out for a pizza with real Italian Sausage from "Italian Delight" and serve it with a choice of Leinenkugel Red or Dos Equis Amber.  ( A few disgruntled scribblers complained about the lack of Guinness as a selection, until it was explained that such nectar can only be served on tap and threatened the removal of alcohol choices entirely as an alternative.)

Setting aside the minor effort at insurrection by this bunch of minimum wage, minimum IQ, and minimum accomplishment slackers; I must admit that this effort is an interesting addition to the growing legends (in their own minds, at least) of both departments.

Government STIMULUS:

Statesmen 
Trying to 
Interfere with 
Monetary policy 
Using 
Larceny, 
Usury, and 
Subterfuge

1.  An attempt by the government to jump start a failing or stagnate economy by an infusion of capital, a program of incentives, or both.

2.  The transference of money from one person (or group of people) to another, so that they can use such cash to stimulate the economy.  Invariably such a transference hurts those it takes from, does not reach those it was designed to, and is not used in the fashion originally intended if by mischance it actually does arrive.  In the process however, more than a little of the cash allocated is siphoned off by the useless drones of government bureaucracy to perpetuate or increase the size of their fiefdoms. 

3.  A misguided misreading of the principles of economics that leads some to believe that the laws of supply and demand will not invariably do a faster and much better job of  returning stability to a nation's economy that any artificial attempts to do so.  

4.  Asinine attempts by politicians to provide a quick fix for the economic malaise using principles that they understand about as well as they understand those of particle physics.  (No wait, not even that well ...)

5.  Ludicrous, nonsensical proposals for economic recovery made by those attempting to run for or keep elected office which are used as little more than a bully  pulpit from which to demonize their political opponents.

6.  A government program which trades failed short-term solutions for long-term stagnation caused by its very interference.

7.  An opportunity for elected officials to line the pockets of selected constituents, lobbyists, and especially donors in the name of 'sharing the burden' of a sagging economy.

8.  Attempts by the public sector to pick winners and losers in the private sector.  In doing this job poorly and indiscriminately, they often decimate such private sector businesses in the process, whether chosen to reap the benefits of such an attempt or not.

9.  Misguided efforts by those who have mostly never run businesses (or held jobs other than in government) to decide how those attempting to do so should be 'helped'.  Not surprisingly, they either cannot or simply refuse to hear the pleas of their intended victims attempting to tell them that in order to do so, they need merely: "Get out of the way!"

10.  Government wealth transfer programs in which some funds are misappropriated, others are misapplied, and still others are simply missing.

11.  An attempt by a government to spend money it doesn't have, on programs it doesn't need, to solve problems it cannot fix.

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The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #31

Recognizing that there are now over thirty entries in the 'SOS Dictionary'. I would like to once again thank Maggie Thurber of "Thurber's Thoughts" for the inspiration to begin this effort over three years ago. Working on these particular posts allows me to walk the tightrope between meaningful perspective and humor, with generous doses of irony and sarcasm thrown in for seasoning.


Ongoing discussions continue between representatives of the legislature and the White House over increasing the Debt Ceiling of this country have mandated that those of us here at the SOS Dictionary continue our emergency sessions. While the effort is proving rather exhausting to our lexicographers, the fact that 'Just Blowing Smoke' is a non-union workplace in a 'Right-to-Work State' means that we can pretty much do whatever we want to the staff with complete impunity.

Now for those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the title of dictionary, SOS, or Stuck on Stupid), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different to those us who have come to understand the often peculiar political vernacular of Toledo and Northwest Ohio. 


Billion:
 1. A number with 9 zeroes after it ( x,000,000,000). 2. A number which was once unimaginable to contemplate, except as a function of higher mathematics; but which is now considered little more than 'chump change' when speaking about government spending or debt. 3. A number once made famous by Carl Sagan for counting stars "billions and billions". Fortunately Carl passed into the great beyond before the numbers of stars were all but supplanted by those in the national debt. 4. A number which we now toss around in discussions of the federal budget with little or no regard for its value (relative or otherwise) and even less concern. (see Trillion) 


Government Debt:
 1. The money that the federal government borrows in the form of bonds or other promissory notes. 2. The money that the federal government borrows these days to, for the most part, pay off the money that it previously borrowed. 3. A snowball rolling downhill that threatens to take all of us out in the ensuing avalanche. 


Government Debt Ceiling:
 1. The limit of the debt that the government is allowed to incur by law. 
2. The limit of debt that the government is allowed to incur until it threatens Congress with dire consequences and is allowed to borrow even more. 
3. An amount of money which in fact appears to have no real or finite limit, only the ability to feed and grow like the creature in the movie "The Blob" (the original with Steve McQueen, not the silly remake.) 


Government Default:
1. A term used to define the inability or refusal of a government to meet a financial obligation previously incurred. 
2. A term used to motivate media pundits, terrify voters, and aggravate legislators into allowing a government that already owes too much money into borrowing more. 
3. A mostly meaningless term where this country is concerned with absolutely no basis in fact, which is of little use except to frighten those with no clear grasp reality (the aforementioned media pundits, voters, and legislators). 


Trillion:
1. A number with 12 zeroes after it ( x,000,000,000,000). 
2. A number which was once unimaginable to contemplate, except as a function of higher mathematics; but which we now toss around in discussions of the federal budget with little more than a yawn and a wave of the hand when speaking about government spending or debt. (see Billion)


SNAFU and; FUBAR:
1. Terms which the staff at the SOS Dictionary (in a rare exhibition of good taste) were willing to list, but seem adamantly disinclined to define further. 
2. The only terms that the staff seem to agree upon as adequately describing the current state of the Debt Ceiling, the plans being discussed to resolve it, and the likelihood that they will actually do so In order to provide perspective relating to the terminology of the Debt Ceiling, I reference the following chart from the Office of Management and Budget, as provided by Heritage. org