The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #35

Fall is upon us and the election rhetoric (among other things) is heating up around the world.  While we have slacked off on our program of "the beatings will continue until morale improves" where the staff is concerned, the occasional 'head slap' or 'kick in the slats' continues to be a regular practice in motivating the lazy lexicographers working on the "Stuck on Stupid" dictionary.  

It was a surprise however, to discover that it had been some three months since the most recent entry to this tome of tomfoolery, used to document the misuse of the English language.  For that reason if no other, there will be multiple listings in today's effort.   Senior staff will shortly be receiving a memo to report for their own 'slap and slat' session as well.

For those of you who have somehow managed to miss previous postings in this area (shame on you, now go back and read all of the postings under the label of dictionary), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appear to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

Now you would think that an establishment created to store and lend some of the greatest literature in the world (along with some really hideous Barney videos) would have a better grasp of the English language.  Like that organization in its choice of words and acronyms of common parlance, you would apparently be wrong.  While they are not alone in self-abusive articulation, they are first on today's list.

SOL

1.  An acronym of common parlance that stands for Shit Outa' Luck, which for those not up on common parlance means that you either had no luck where this situation was concerned, or if you did, you no longer retain it; placing your odds at a successful result in your efforts in the range of dismal.

2. An acronym currently being used by the Toledo Public Library as a marketing slogan in support of their November levy request, and designed to stand for "Save Our Library".

3. The likelihood that that the Library marketing scheme will be remembered, and if remembered, will not be confused with the term of more common parlance.  Its use will probably be sniggered over as an error in judgment at best, and a massive screw up in their levy attempt at worst (see FUBAR).

4.  The likelihood that the Library levy will pass if this is the level of marketing and political savvy possessed by their organization.


Arab Spring

1. A political resistance movement that began in December of 2010, in which oppressive governments in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, and Yemen were overthrown; and in which civil uprisings continue in Syria and Bahrain in the hope of one day replacing their oppressive regimes. 

2. A political resistance movement which appears to be so important to those involved that it's capable of being side-tracked by Cartoons, YouTube videos, and public statements by people who only their neighbors have heard of before. (And now no doubt, by this definition.)

3. A political resistance movement which has largely succeeded in replacing oppressive secular dictatorships and monarchies in the region with oppressive 'democracies' that act far more like the oppressive theocracies which most foreign policy experts insisted could never take control.

4. A political resistance movement which has been largely supported by pronouncements from the US State Department and funds from US Foreign Aid; and which has been rewarded for such support by the killing of a US Ambassador and three other Americans (so far) and millions in damage to US Embassy property.

5. Yet another of the current Administration's foreign policy nightmares marked by inconsistency and apology, in which the US pays protection money to governments run by thugs and terrorists, with little if anything to show for it's investment other than hate, murder, and destruction.  (The President's former minister Jeremiah Wright once previously called this "America's chickens coming home to roost.)


Since I didn't manage to put together a good weekend rant, and because I can still hear the scribes appropriately scribbling behind their locked door (I have the key); it seems likely that there will be yet another SOS posting before the weekend's over.
   

TFP Column: Falling Leaves Falling Levies

Last night's marathon writing session started out as a simple attempt to do a mid-week rant, but almost as quickly as the Blob (Steve McQueen version of course) it had grown out of proportion and completely out of control; requiring topical separation surgery before it engulfed the computer I was writing in on.  The part that didn't couldn't fit on the blog here yesterday however, is linked here today for your edification and education.  Editor-In-Chief Michael Miller, in yet another example consistent misjudgment and blinding speed, had it put up on the TFP website almost before it reached him electronically.

"Falling Leaves Falling Levies" will no doubt become part of a recurring theme in the days leading up to the November election, as I try to point out some of the perils and pitfalls of these self-imposed taxes on the voting public of the Glass City.  There's a lot of smart people in the Glass City, and continuing to reach out to them with logic and reason might just sway a few voters.  Reaching out to them with half-baked humor, prose dripping with sarcasm, and barely veiled insults (you know, like I normally do) might have some effect as well. 

Speaking of smart people in the Glass City ....  All the really smart ones keep up on what's going on there and the rest of Northwest Ohio by reading Toledo's largest Sunday circulation and Ohio's best weekly newspaper for the last three years .... The Toledo Free Press     

        

Property and Taxation

There's been some public discussion in a number of places about the levies coming up in cities around the country.  This talk is not only about the worthiness of these efforts (or lack thereof), but about the levy process itself.  At issue is whether those not owning property, and therefore not paying their share of property taxes and their associated levies, should even have the right to vote on taxing their fellow citizens. While having pointed out a number of occasions that many of us not currently owning property do in fact pick up some incremental cost in these taxes (for they cannot be honestly called anything else), I can easily understand and agree with the point of view of someone saying that non-owners do not bear the same burden.  Something about the discussion kept nagging at me however, and I was forced to continue puzzling it out long after it ended.

The source of my discomfort was realized when I understood that levies, like property taxes themselves, are part of the over all annual tax burden that citizens in this country are extorted to pay under the threat of fines, seizure, and imprisonment at the hands of our own government (with the able assistance of its myrmidons at the IRS).  As such there are advantages and disadvantages to the status that we hold where each form of taxes are concerned.

Earn a high salary and you are likely to pay a higher tax rate.   Cash in stocks or sell property that those less fortunate don't own, and you'll pay a capital gains tax on the profits of such a sale.  Die rich and you'll be hammered with a large estate tax to add insult to the permanent injury.  In each of these situations however, the tax code (which started out at 504 pages and as of 2010 had grown to almost 72,000) is likely to provide you something in the way of a loophole or two if you've got a good enough accountant to find them.  In other words, there is often an offset achieved in some part between what has to be paid and what gets a pass.

My discomfort was the dirty little secret that no one talks about when this disparity in taxes is discussed .... the Mortgage Deduction.  You see while a homeowner makes a mortgage payment and a lessor his rent, the interest on a home mortgage is tax deductible.  For those buying the biggest place they're allowed to by the company financing it, mortgaging as much of it as they can possibly get away with, and staying less than seven years in the home purchased; in fact most of what they will make in the way of a mortgage payments will be interest on the loan and therefore tax deductible.  No part of the rental payment a lessor makes to his landlord during the same period will carry a similar deduction.

Imagine if you will that two people went to a car dealer to obtain identical new vehicles. Both handed over the same down payment money and both agreed to make monthly installment payments, but one purchased the vehicle and the other leased.  The person leasing may have reduced his monthly payment through his down payment, but that money was now gone forever and at the end of the lease there will be nothing to show for either it or his monthly payments; though the payments themselves would be less.  The person purchasing also reduced his payment through a down payment and established equity in his purchase.  Monthly payments made, though higher, would increase the equity in the purchase.  At the end of the loan, the purchaser would in fact own a car with some intrinsic value and the renter would own nothing.

Both would be freely made choices and the results of agreements fairly established however; in overall effect they would be virtually equal and neither would have the advantage.  Now consider these two people and add in a tax break for the interest on a car loan and ask yourself if the deals are still equal and you are likely to conclude that they are not.

So when we go back and look at the overall annual taxes paid by the property owner and non-owner, we can see that the property tax burden of the homeowner could be offset in some part (if not all) by the savings obtained on the income tax side of the equation.  The non-owner, while paying less of the property tax / levy burden; would pay a higher percentage of income tax on the money he earns, since there is no corresponding deduction to reduce their tax rate. 

This is not to say that property taxes are not an egregious burden on citizens; and that the continuing and increasing abuse of levy requests aren't adding insult to injury.  Living in a state that forces its residents to pay property taxes on vehicles before they can be legally licensed can't help but point that out to even those of us who rent.  Understanding however that as a renter I am able vote on levies (turning most of them down by the way), still seems reasonably fair to me in spite of the limited impact I bear from from.  After all, no one has yet offered me the chance to vote on limiting or removing the mortgage interest tax deduction and you haven't seen me bitching about it (even here).     

One might even add that the practices involved with the mortgage interest income tax deduction, coupled to the government encouraged sub-prime lending practices under which most 'too big to fail' lending institutions operated, and fed to borrowing public who has been told for years to buy the biggest barn of a home that they could and mortgage it to the hilt because real estate is one of the best and safest investments that they can make; largely fueled the bubble whose bursting caused the current economic downturn.  

And while there is still much discussion of government-subsidized refinancing for underwater mortgages which will further burden ALL TAXPAYERS, I haven't heard even one call to consider those locked in a lease and whose fortunes have likewise suffered.  You know, it might just be that it's we who aren't paying our 'fair share' property taxes who should be righteously pissed off.

                  

TFP Column: The Perfect Issue

Being a news-junkie, I normally spend my Saturday mornings reading two newspapers, the Kansas City Star and the weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal (I save the TFP for Sunday).  There was an interesting news story in the latter this week about a bicyclist in San Francisco being charged with felony vehicular manslaughter for allegedly running a red light and striking a pedestrian.  Having dodged a few of these two-wheeled felons over time myself (both on the roads and in the crosswalks), this story intrigued me long after I put the paper down.

Then it hit me!  If you took a city like Toledo, whose City Council is considering putting a Recreation Levy that has to eventually include bike paths, tossed in potential breakthrough legislation prohibiting bicycle texting, added a dash Eco-friendly and Recreation-friendly City Council activity, if you then mixed in a healthy dose of those revenue enhancing red-light cameras along with a pinch of licensing fees for bicycles, sprinkled on a few senior citizens, and added a few tears from that golden oldie 'if just one life could be saved'; you might just have created the recipe for "The Perfect Issue" in politics.  So that's what I wrote about for this week's TFP.

Countless studies, could be followed by endless debates (with politicians flip-flopping and holding logically inconsistent ideas); which in turn could be followed by a seemingly endless streams nauseating rhetoric and pages of useless legislation protecting seniors, bicyclists, and pedestrians (along with all of us in public not texting).  This could be as close to a legislative Nirvana (the place, not the band) as many politicians experience.

Speaking of which, it's still early in the week, and those of you attempting to experience the best of what's going on in Toledo and Northwest Ohio this week would be well-advised to catch up, both in the mid-week 'Star' edition Toledo's largest Sunday circulation and Ohio's Best Weekly Newspaper for the last three years, the Toledo Free Press.

TFP Column: The Little Bus That Couldn't

Someone on the staff at a recent editorial meeting had the temerity to bring up the thought that were a couple of things we hadn't done here at "Just Blowing Smoke" in quite some time: 


1. Release another Fracture Fairy Tale to the public
2. Pick on the Toledo Area Regional Transit Authority (TARTA)


After a bit of verbal abuse was exchanged over who would be held responsible for these lapses (someone must always be blamed in the end), it was decided to kill not two, but three birds with one stone (which was rolling by at the time, having not gathered any moss) and do a Fractured Fairy Tale on TARTA as our offering for the Toledo Free Press.  (The fact that doing so allowed the editorial staff to go back to their normal slacker ways, and to do so with rather smug expressions on their faces, I'm sure occurred to none of them.)  The result of these combined labors was an effort that came to be known as "The Little Bus That Couldn't".


If there's not time to talk TARTA down from the ledge of offering us a choice on this new misguided more egregious way into taxpayer's pockets, there's plenty of time to get the word out and vote this potential monstrosity into the seventh level of Hell that it came from.  


Of course because of the nature of this week's effort, I don't know when it will go into the TFP.  Have no fear however, the mid-week 'Star" edition should more than entertain; and come what may, there will be another weekend edition of Toledo's largest Sunday circulation Ohio's best weekly newspaper (for the third year in a row) to amuse and inform you. 

TFP Column: When The Levy Breaks

An experiment was tried this weekend, and it resulted in the second effort in as many days being posted online at ToledoFreePress.com. In a piece titled, "When the Levy Breaks", I manage to tie together spring flooding, misuse of public transportation money on a levy, and a Led Zeppelin song. 


The attempted effort was a lot of fun, and something that I hope comes up again. I have little doubt however, that in spite of my altruistic motives, this will not see me advanced on a "Stairway to Heaven".

Wrong On The COSI Bailout?

I seem to have been wrong in my assessment of Issue 37, the levy to reopen COSI, in the column that I wrote for Toledo Free Press three weeks ago; as evidenced by the number of people speaking out in favor of it this week in that same venue. It now appears to be obvious to me that the only thing that was keeping COSI from being a success in Toledo was a lack of sufficient taxpayer funding. After all, we have so many shining examples of success when greater taxpayer support is provided to a previously failing program:

- Lyndon Johnson's War on Poverty

- Richard Nixon's War on Drugs

- The Educational System over the last 50 years

- The bailout of the mortgage and banking system

- and here locally, the Erie Street Market

The success of these programs over the years is self-evident ... no wait, actually they weren't (or aren't) entirely successful. OK, but obviously the reason that these endeavors failed in their mission is not that they were failed plans to begin with, wasted the taxpayer money that they were granted, and had no real measure for success other than emotional ones. Neither can their failure be blamed upon the increasing level of funding that they received through the years. No, it must have been a lack of understanding of their mission on the part of the taxpayers. Programs like this cannot be measured on an objective level of success and failure after all, but should instead be judged by high-minded goal that they set or the gratification that we taxpayers feel for the compassion that we show.

So by all means, let's vote for Issue 37 and grant COSI some taxpayer money in the "hope for change" where they are concerned (after all, this is the year for it). If nothing else, we will prove that in 2008 fiscal irresponsibility, poor management, and waste are not negatives; but simply a reason to grant a second chance and a taxpayer funded reward to such projects so that they can go back to business as usual.

(OK, sarcasm off now)

Back Door Bus Stop

The Toledo Area Regional Transit Authority (TARTA) has discovered in recent months that in spite of the increased ridership which skyrocketing gas prices has brought them, that with the corresponding increases in their own fuel prices, the levy passed in 2007 is not allowing them to meet their operating costs effectively. 

As a consequence, they have recently reduced their level of service to certain areas in order to cut those costs. (Funny, I have been having the same problem lately, but without the same option to help resolve my own situation.) In addition, they have commissioned a study (the most recent in a long string of them) and a website survey to help determine what needs to be done in the long term to alleviate the financial woes and poor reputation that seem to be a way life for them.  

TARTA has also had an increasingly problematic relationship with many of the Toledo suburbs that it serves, owing to the high contributions that those cities give and the poor return on investment that many of them feel that they receive in return. State law however, says that once you join TARTA, you can't leave without the unanimous consent of its board. Since just over half of those board members are appointed by the city of Toledo, who needs to insure that no revenue sources for TARTA are reduced or eliminated, don't look for any departures soon. (Does this remind anyone else of an organized crime mentality?) 

Fear not however for the future of TARTA, for it already has a sense of its future and a plan to move forward, secure in the funding required for its continued operation. That plan is to abandon the levy process which it has only narrowly managed to successfully use to insure daily operation, and instead push forward with a county-wide sales tax ear-marked for its use. No more wrangling with pesky voters or proving its usefulness to riders, local governments, and property owners. (After all, population is dwindling and property values are declining.) 

Better instead have the entire county declared a geographic monopoly and expand its revenue base. Better still, to bypass regular levy requests and change its funding method. Far better indeed to quietly bleed the taxpayers with a sales tax than to place its name, reputation, and costs before that same disgruntled populace for a levy to provide the lion's share of its funding (80% of TARTA's budget is funded by taxpayers at the federal, state, and local level at last count).  
No part of this plan is being aired in public yet except as speculation, but support of local politicians is already being lined up for the change. The pro-forma study currently being conducted will no doubt confirm the conclusions drawn by TARTA before it was even begun. 

Congratulations TARTA, you have learned your lessons well. The failures of groups like COSI and local school boards are not lost on your board of directors. You will not suffer the budget tightening and disappointment of those who have failed to evolve their form of larceny in order to keep pace with the economy and growing taxpayer dissatisfaction. 

Your backdoor, backroom maneuverings and political machinations will undoubtedly produce the financial rewards that you desire. I have little doubt that you will secure your funding plans, backed by local politicians who do not want their name attached to the first failed mass transit system in the country, by unions who want to continue to enjoy high wages and job protection in an increasingly dangerous economy, and by a voting public who generally does not seem to understand that taxes are something that come out of their pockets. 

And while you drive increasingly more empty buses, made so by an unfriendly environment in Northwest Ohio that you have contributed to by adding to the crushing local tax burden, you can glide happily on your way. You will have secured your future by contributing significantly to the destruction of our present. 

Run For Your Lives ... COSI Is Back

Yes ladies and gentlemen, COSI is indeed back. David Waterman, chairman of the COSI board is bringing a request for inclusion on the November ballot to the Citizens Levy Review Committee of the same levy that has been defeated twice before. After all, as the Toledo Blade points out "the third time will be the charm". Mr. Waterman's feelings, according to the story are that the larger voter turnout in a presidential election will help the efforts of COSI to gain taxpayer funding for COSI's operation, even though it is a private organization. (It qualifies for this through a special change in state law)

Mr. Waterman is correct when he points out that the previous levies were only defeated by narrow margins (71,249 to 70,001 in 2006, and 43,248 to 41,571 last November). He fails to point out a couple of things however:

1. That a loss is still a loss, as any professional sports team (or amateur one for that matter) can tell you.
2. That both the margin of loss and the percentage of loss has increased from one election to another, in spite of lower voter turnout.
3. That the planned levy being put forward is still based on the city providing the Portside building for a rent of $1.
4. That the planned levy being put forward is likewise based on city continuing to pay the utility bills that it was covering before COSI closed (and still covers today in order to maintain the building).

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it appears that while dead (COSI closed last December), this sinkhole of public funding has more lives than Jason Vohees in the Friday the 13th series. No matter how many times somebody kills the damn thing, it just keeps coming back ... and uglier each time than the one before.

• There is still no discussion of creating or having created an efficient business plan, even though the board has had over 6 months to come up with one.


• There is still no discussion of using something other than the Portside building for this effort, even after admitting that the facility is inefficient for such use.


• There is no discussion of seeking money other than taxpayer money, though the COSI board has found funding for marketing their levy effort. (Unless of course, they get the taxpayer money first, and then that future effort is listed only as a "hope".)


• There is no direct benefit listed for the reopening of COSI, other than an emotional appeal loosely associated with kids and education.

Evidently the will of the people is only realized when it gives more of its money to government to dispense on its behalf. Evidently such will can only be expressed during presidential election years (as was pointed out by a County Commissioner who will remain nameless 'Konop', but who was not elected during one). Evidently "no doesn't mean no" when expressed by the voters of Toledo and Lucas County. Well Mr. Waterman, at the risk of contradicting the Toledo Blade and yourself on the potential outcome of this levy, let me use my own metaphor to describe your upcoming effort:

"Three strikes and you're out!"

In the spirit of full faith and disclosure, I should mention that I have written before on the subject of such an entity as a cautionary tale or fable. I should likewise point out there may be an economic benefit to the passage of this levy. I previously compared COSI to the Titanic.I now have heard a rumor that Clive Cussler is waiting in the wings with a book and movie deal if this Titanic is successfully raised.

When The Levy Breaks

We are facing votes Tuesday on levies for four different organizations, COSI, The Library, MetroParks, and TARTA. There have been postings on a number of sites (Thurber's Thoughts, Glass City Jungle, Wannabe Mayor, Hooda Thunkit's Therapy Blog, and Major Nitpickers) on each of these requests. I would simply like to make an attempt to summarize here.  

Each of these organizations has laid claim to their "rightful share" of the money that we work hard to earn every day. Each has a noble purpose, and each has an assumption that they deserve this money for the good of the community. None however, have been able to describe an effective business plan for operating in a city of declining population, jobs, and property values. 

COSI admits to a "failed" business plan from the start, which begs the question as to whether they are liars or just simply stupid. From this flawed beginning, having promised us that they would never again ask for money, and with the appearance of no real business plan to move forward; they come cap in hand like Oliver Twist, saying "Please sir, I want some more". My response, "Not today Ollie". You tell me that if you do not get this levy, you will be forced to go ... it was nice knowing you.  

Metroparks is looking for money to take care of the land that they purchased with a different levy. Now that they have the land they don't appear to have the funding to improve it, take care of it, nor to run many of the programs on it. You receive funding from a number of sources in the form of grants and gifts, but apparently that does not meet the needs of your budget. Perhaps money could be raised by selling some of the land or cutting back on some of the programs? But wait - property values are going down and selling real estate in Toledo is a losing proposition, so that won't work. And it appears to be impossible to consider doing 'less as more' for anything run on taxpayer dollars.Perhaps in a time when Toledo is shrinking in so many ways, you should realize that your budget does not need to grow. If you continue to add to our tax burden, there is likely to be plenty of green space (translate as empty land) in Toledo to choose from for future growth. 

The Library is looking for money to maintain their current programs at their current levels, none of which seems to involve books. Those expansions have to do with replacing, improving, and expanding its computer area and Internet access; and of course, adding to their DVD selections. Maybe these are the functions of the library of the future, but they do not need to be taxpayer sponsored. Libraries, by definition, are places of books. If they would like to expand in order to compete with Blockbuster video or an Internet Cafe, I suggest that they look at a mulch-tiered form of library cards, with a fee for DVD rental and Internet access, before asking everyone to finance these 'out of the box' business endeavors.  

TARTA, where do we even begin with you? You appear to run a service that few, if any take advantage of in the metropolitan area. Mayors of outlying cities are already crying over the monopoly you hold, the lack of service you provide, and the dollars that you drain. You have no real idea how many people use your service, and ask us for money to provide more. You must think that our heads are emptier than your buses. The only increase in ridership that you can show is with seniors, and you use that to frighten and intimidate us for money. (In case you hadn't heard, they call that extortion.) Go back and count your riders, give us an honest demographic of them, and present us with an effective plan to serve them before you ask for our generosity. 

It's time at last, for organizations asking for money from levies to be up front and honest with the taxpayers. Combine all of your levies and give us an honest look at the money that you would like from us to fund your endeavors. Face the financial reality of the community that you serve when presenting your requests. Do not attempt to confuse us about what these levies will cost us, whether they are new taxes, or whether they are increases. Present us with facts that justify your requests for money. Show us logical business plans to prove to us that our trust in you, once granted, will not be wasted. For many years, organizations like this have poked a stick in the cage of taxpayers. 

Perhaps it's time that you realize that you have finally made us mad enough to get off of our butts and do something about it. You had better pay attention to the reality of the present before we get to the bars and take a big bite out of you.