Saturday, October 1, 2011

The New Definition of Govt "STIMULUS"

















In perhaps the finest example of cross-disciplinary cooperation in the history of "Just Blowing Smoke", the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security and the lexicographers of the "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary have combined their talents to produce this weekend's effort. Senior staff at JBS, understanding that potential jurisdictional disputes could create unnecessary friction; or worse, incite the staff to seek organization under a union, spared no expense in securing the full cooperation of the respective personnel.  

Of course this meant that we had to send out for a pizza with real Italian Sausage from "Italian Delight" and serve it with a choice of Leinenkugel Red or Dos Equis Amber.  ( A few disgruntled scribblers complained about the lack of Guinness as a selection, until it was explained that such nectar can only be served on tap and threatened the removal of alcohol choices entirely as an alternative.)

Setting aside the minor effort at insurrection by this bunch of minimum wage, minimum IQ, and minimum accomplishment slackers; I must admit that this effort is an interesting addition to the growing legends (in their own minds, at least) of both departments.

Government STIMULUS:

Statesmen 
Trying to 
Interfere with 
Monetary policy 
Using 
Larceny, 
Usury, and 
Subterfuge

1.  An attempt by the government to jump start a failing or stagnate economy by an infusion of capital, a program of incentives, or both.

2.  The transference of money from one person (or group of people) to another, so that they can use such cash to stimulate the economy.  Invariably such a transference hurts those it takes from, does not reach those it was designed to, and is not used in the fashion originally intended if by mischance it actually does arrive.  In the process however, more than a little of the cash allocated is siphoned off by the useless drones of government bureaucracy to perpetuate or increase the size of their fiefdoms. 

3.  A misguided misreading of the principles of economics that leads some to believe that the laws of supply and demand will not invariably do a faster and much better job of  returning stability to a nation's economy that any artificial attempts to do so.  

4.  Asinine attempts by politicians to provide a quick fix for the economic malaise using principles that they understand about as well as they understand those of particle physics.  (No wait, not even that well ...)

5.  Ludicrous, nonsensical proposals for economic recovery made by those attempting to run for or keep elected office which are used as little more than a bully  pulpit from which to demonize their political opponents.

6.  A government program which trades failed short-term solutions for long-term stagnation caused by its very interference.

7.  An opportunity for elected officials to line the pockets of selected constituents, lobbyists, and especially donors in the name of 'sharing the burden' of a sagging economy.

8.  Attempts by the public sector to pick winners and losers in the private sector.  In doing this job poorly and indiscriminately, they often decimate such private sector businesses in the process, whether chosen to reap the benefits of such an attempt or not.

9.  Misguided efforts by those who have mostly never run businesses (or held jobs other than in government) to decide how those attempting to do so should be 'helped'.  Not surprisingly, they either cannot or simply refuse to hear the pleas of their intended victims attempting to tell them that in order to do so, they need merely: "Get out of the way!"

10.  Government wealth transfer programs in which some funds are misappropriated, others are misapplied, and still others are simply missing.

11.  An attempt by a government to spend money it doesn't have, on programs it doesn't need, to solve problems it cannot fix.

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1 comment:

Maggie Thurber said...

the cooperation worked - this is one of your finer efforts!