Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #38

It seems only fitting that the first post of 2013 should come from the lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary.  After all, their efforts are at best sporadic and at worst all but nonexistent.  Senior Staff has been informed of recently released NLRB (National Labor Relations Board) regulations that appear to prevent them from properly rewarding these staff members for their level of performance (but have no fear, we'll come up with something).

Now there have been some requests over the years for publishing of the ponderous tome better known as the SOS or "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary, but owing to the work ethic and performance level of the SOS scribblers, it's entirely possible that the current crop will all be taking a dirt nap before a comprehensive volume is available.  It's currently too big for a posting and too small for a printing.  If anyone has any ideas as to how to reconcile these seemingly irreconcilable positions, I will be more than happy to submit suggestion to those in charge.

On the other hand, there may actually be those of you who reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of  'Dictionary'), the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.

In light of yet another bit of last minute legislative crisis resolution, the following entry was deemed a necessary addition:
Comprehensive Law 

1.  Legislation of a large scope or scale; involving or including much.

2.  Legislation about which the only thing that is truly comprehensive is the confusion it engenders. 

3.  Legislation purposely created so as to be so all-encompassing and so full of confusing and contradictory language as to be proof against anyone's attempts to comprehend its nature and purpose, and to further discourage anyone from even attempting to read it in its entirety.

4.  Legislation of an incomprehensible scope and scale which includes vast areas of extraneous nonsense having nothing to do with the original subject, for no better purpose than to hide unpalatable sections that both those proposing and those voting for them would rather remain off the radar screen and hidden from the light of day. 

5. Legislation so onerous and cumbersome that it's impossible to repair or repeal after passage, when the damage that it's going to cause has finally been uncovered.


Maggie Thurber said...

it needs its own website. Too big for a post and too small for publishing = own website.

I have friends who can probably help with this in order to provide the proper tribute in design such a magnificent piece of art (and scarcasm) deserves. :)

Timothy W Higgins said...

I am more than willing to cooperate with any effort to expose an idea that you came up with in the first place to a larger audience, though according to my reference copy, this tome consists of only 27 pages to date.

There would be undoubtedly be some confusion however,as some the entries are discernible only by residents of NW Ohio.