Friday, June 7, 2013
The "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary #41
The warm weather here at the headquarters of Just Blowing Smoke is evidently working as a tonic for the normally lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary. (Either that, or they are concerned of being crowded out of their cubbyhole by plethora of suggestions for new entries being received.) Quite frankly, those in Senior Staff don't really care what the reason is as long as they don't have to continue to make excuses for their lack of control over this normally rogue department.
In spite of this increased literary production however, it seem that there many of you reading this who have somehow managed to miss previous postings on this subject (shame on you, now go back and search all of the postings under the label of 'Dictionary'). For those of you thus unfamiliar, the SOS dictionary is a reference guide to terms which nominally mean something to the rest of the English speaking world, but appears to mean something entirely different when looked at through the jaded eyes and rose colored glasses of the SOS dictionary staff.
1. A form of bookkeeping in which estimates of expected income and expense for a given period in the future (usually a year) are entered for a given entity in the form of a fiscal ledger.
2. An esoteric form of mathematics more closely related to fiction than to fact (at least in the public sector), though these creative efforts are not eligible for literary award as such.
3. An advanced form of thievery involving the robbing of Peter (like Capital Improvements) to pay Paul (like the General Fund) which can apparently occur without criminal charges after being approved through voter ignorance. The ultimate goal of these efforts is to perform the deed in such way that Peter doesn't recognize (or at least complain) that his pocket's been picked and Paul doesn't realize he's been gifted.
1. A term nominally used in bookkeeping to describe an excess of assets over liabilities in a given period.
2. A term used in public sector bookkeeping more to create a positive political message (especially in election years) than to describe a condition of positive fiscal fact which actually doesn't exist.
3. A term used in often confusing budgetary processes that inaccurately describes the result in the continuous Robbing of Peter to pay Paul so many times that it effectively renders anything purporting to be the truth as meaningless.