TFP Column: Undecided And Soundbite Free

In a move that might eventually bring down the reign of Editor in Chief Michael Miller, I have been added to the list of regular columnists for the Toledo Free Press. While certainly concerned over impact that such a decision may present over the ultimate fate of someone who is truly a nice guy and an exceptional writer, I am selfish enough to never the less use such an opportunity to expand the audience for my particular brand of nonsense.

My offering for this week's edition has to do with the soundbites that most of us are going to have to use to make important voting decisions next week. I hope that you find it a worthwhile read.

(It would be a serious mistake to limit yourself to my humble offering while on this website by the way, especially if you are interested in what's going on in the election in general and the issues involving Toledo in particular.)

Halloween Costumes, 2008

I have been asked once again to use my perverse sense of humor on the subject of Halloween costumes. Not being able to resists such requests, I will try to make some last minute suggestions for those of you unable to come up with suitable raiment for your Holiday parties this weekend. 
  

Nationally

• Put on a suit and carry a bucket of fake money, telling people that you are Henry Paulson (Secretary of the Treasury) and giving handouts on the Bailout Plan.
• Wear anything that you like and tell people that you are Bob Barr, Libertarian candidate for president. Hardly anyone knows what he looks like so you won't have a problem.
• Go from house to house with a clipboard and tell people that you are from ACORN, and trying to sign them up to vote.
• Walk the streets, clinging to a toy gun (please make sure that it looks fake) and a Bible and tell them you are from a small town in the Midwest.
• Also from the Midwest (and a tried and true favorite of mine), is to walk the streets in a Cubs uniform. Sympathy for a team that has now not won a World Series in over 100 years should reap rewards.
• Walk around in either a Tennessee Titans or Dallas Cowboys jersey and try and pick a fight with someone at each house. When they ask why, tell them you are Pacman Jones.
• Go from house to house in a Speedo bathing suit, a warm up jacket (especially in my neck of the woods), and a painful expression. When asked, tell them that you are every swimmer who raced against Michael Phelps in the recent Olympics.

Locally In Toledo

• Put on a suit and a fake halo and tell people that you are Ben Konop (Lucas County Commissioner). Carry a bucket of fake money with you and tell those that ask that the money is for their job training.
• Walk the streets pulling wagon loaded with a stuffed dog locked in a cage (Note: the wagon must be left out on the sidewalk while you go to the door without it.) and tell them that you are Mayor Finkbeiner. (If you want to add an extra touch of realism to the costume, you can occasionally throw a coffee cup at someone.)
• Go from house to house the day after Halloween and ask for candy anyway. You can tell them that you are Jon Stainbrook, head of the Lucas County Republican Party, and you have a history of doing things a little late.
• Go from house to house with bag of worn out, broken junk and tell people that you are COSI.
• Carry a marionette from house to house, making your puppet dance from time to time, and tell them that you are John Robinson Block, publisher of the Toledo Blade.
• Get two friends and go from house to house as the "crowd" from an event at the Erie Street Market.
• Attach some fake flowers to your clothes and go as the Reynolds Road entrance to Southwyk Mall.
• The simplest of costumes is always the best, and here locally that is simply to hang a piece of plywood in front and behind you, and tell people that you are a downtown building.

OK, go out there and have some fun; but be careful...

 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #11

Yes, it's time for a couple more entries in the "Stuck on Stupid" Dictionary. For those of you only recently come to Just Blowing Smoke, these are words or terms nominally considered part of the English language, but which have special meaning for us here is Toledo, Ohio. 




Crowd 

1. A term used to define the number of people gathered together in the Erie Street Market for one of it's "Events". This number is mostly indeterminate, being more than can be counted on two hands, and less than the number required to turn any kind of a profit for the event. 

Profit  

1. A term used by businesses to describe the amount of money left over after subtracting the costs of producing goods or services from the revenue generated from selling such goods and services. 
2. A term used by the city of Toledo to describe the amount of money left over after subtracting the costs of producing an event at the Erie Street Market (not counting utility, maintenance, or depreciation of capital improvement costs) from the revenue generated from such an event, and therefore wildly inflated and inaccurate.

Back Door Bus Stop

The Toledo Area Regional Transit Authority (TARTA) has discovered in recent months that in spite of the increased ridership which skyrocketing gas prices has brought them, that with the corresponding increases in their own fuel prices, the levy passed in 2007 is not allowing them to meet their operating costs effectively. 

As a consequence, they have recently reduced their level of service to certain areas in order to cut those costs. (Funny, I have been having the same problem lately, but without the same option to help resolve my own situation.) In addition, they have commissioned a study (the most recent in a long string of them) and a website survey to help determine what needs to be done in the long term to alleviate the financial woes and poor reputation that seem to be a way life for them.  

TARTA has also had an increasingly problematic relationship with many of the Toledo suburbs that it serves, owing to the high contributions that those cities give and the poor return on investment that many of them feel that they receive in return. State law however, says that once you join TARTA, you can't leave without the unanimous consent of its board. Since just over half of those board members are appointed by the city of Toledo, who needs to insure that no revenue sources for TARTA are reduced or eliminated, don't look for any departures soon. (Does this remind anyone else of an organized crime mentality?) 

Fear not however for the future of TARTA, for it already has a sense of its future and a plan to move forward, secure in the funding required for its continued operation. That plan is to abandon the levy process which it has only narrowly managed to successfully use to insure daily operation, and instead push forward with a county-wide sales tax ear-marked for its use. No more wrangling with pesky voters or proving its usefulness to riders, local governments, and property owners. (After all, population is dwindling and property values are declining.) 

Better instead have the entire county declared a geographic monopoly and expand its revenue base. Better still, to bypass regular levy requests and change its funding method. Far better indeed to quietly bleed the taxpayers with a sales tax than to place its name, reputation, and costs before that same disgruntled populace for a levy to provide the lion's share of its funding (80% of TARTA's budget is funded by taxpayers at the federal, state, and local level at last count).  
No part of this plan is being aired in public yet except as speculation, but support of local politicians is already being lined up for the change. The pro-forma study currently being conducted will no doubt confirm the conclusions drawn by TARTA before it was even begun. 

Congratulations TARTA, you have learned your lessons well. The failures of groups like COSI and local school boards are not lost on your board of directors. You will not suffer the budget tightening and disappointment of those who have failed to evolve their form of larceny in order to keep pace with the economy and growing taxpayer dissatisfaction. 

Your backdoor, backroom maneuverings and political machinations will undoubtedly produce the financial rewards that you desire. I have little doubt that you will secure your funding plans, backed by local politicians who do not want their name attached to the first failed mass transit system in the country, by unions who want to continue to enjoy high wages and job protection in an increasingly dangerous economy, and by a voting public who generally does not seem to understand that taxes are something that come out of their pockets. 

And while you drive increasingly more empty buses, made so by an unfriendly environment in Northwest Ohio that you have contributed to by adding to the crushing local tax burden, you can glide happily on your way. You will have secured your future by contributing significantly to the destruction of our present. 

TFP Column: The Fairness Doctrine

 
I have decided not to bore you with my normal weekend rhetoric. My belief is that like me, you are beginning to run out of the duct tape required to keep your head from exploding from the non-stop assault of political commercials, and I saw no reason to contribute to that. (I also understand that there is an acute shortage of duct tape currently and didn't want to add to the problem.)

This is not to say that I will allow you to exit unscathed, as I direct you to the second of my columns on "The Fairness Doctrine" published in the Toledo Free Press this weekend. With luck, it will prove to be both entertaining and enlightening (yeah, right).

Have a great weekend ...

By the way, did you know that duct tape is like The Force, from "Star Wars"? It has a dark side and a light side, and it binds the universe together?

The Odds On An Ohio Casino

Once again, the issue of casino gambling is coming up in the state of Ohio as a ballot initiative and because the building of any casino in this state involves changing the state constitution, this will always be the case. Issue 6, or the My Ohio Now Amendment is a proposal for this change to the state constitution in order to build a casino near Wilmington, Ohio (between Columbus and Cincinnati) that could cost up to $600,000,000. This casino will include a hotel, convention facility, and even a golf course on its grounds. Taxes generated by this facility would be paid directly to the counties of the state of Ohio, with the percentage of revenues split according to the relative population of the each respective county. It is estimated by the potential operators of this casino that revenues could be as much as $800 million with $240 million in taxes to be split up. (Of course, these estimates were before the current financial crisis.) The claims for and against are typical. On the negative side

• Gambling is evil and must be forbidden at all costs!
• Those addicted to gambling will use money to feed their sick gambling habit instead of their families.
• The operator is from out of state and local government will have no oversight.
• Tax revenues distribution will be decided by politicians, bureaucrats, and lobbyists (though someone will have to explain to me when this is not the case).

On the positive side:

• The building of this casino will bring thousands of temporary construction jobs to Ohio
• The running of the casino will create many permanent jobs in Ohio.
• There will be tax revenue produced by the casino that will supplement the budgets of every county in the state (and any tax revenue that they can generate without taking it from me would be welcome indeed).

The most telling issues to me have also been mentioned:

• The state is already sponsoring gambling through the Lottery, and now the plethora of Keno machines.
• Those paying for much of the opposition advertising to this amendment are casino operators in Indiana and Michigan whose revenue will be negatively impacted if a casino is built in Ohio.
• Money is currently leaving the state, as those who wish to gamble take their trade to places where they can.

I am not much of a gambler these days, though I did play a little blackjack in Vegas in years past. Quite frankly I work too hard to earn my money these days to risk it (and I have a really bad poker face). I believe however, that if you want to gamble you will. I likewise believe that if such behavior is going to take place, that the state of Ohio has as much right as any to profit from it. I finally believe that anything that creates jobs, and especially the kind of service jobs that look like they have a possibility of long-term survivability, is definitely a good thing. 

I don't know if Issue 6 is the answer, as it provides for only one casino and one operator in the state. I suspect that it is not a particularly good law. I likewise suspect that Ohio is not ready for more than one casino the first time out of the gate. It may therefore be time that we take a next step into this area, admit that gambling already goes on, and get the state of Ohio into the business of casinos like all of our neighbors. Hey, at least they aren't asking for taxpayer funding to build the damn thing! 

Diplomatic Incident: Update

For those of you up for a good laugh, I submit myself for public humiliation by handing over the link to the interview at El Tiempo (The Times) in Bogota, Columbia. 

Since my Spanish is limited, I have no idea whether the statements that I made were accurately translated. I trust my translator for the week, the gentleman who did the interview Mauricio Romero, to have at least attempted to make me appear less foolish than I felt (and probably sounded).  

(For those of you who note the fine print, you will forgive my friends for noting that Toledo is in Michigan rather than Ohio. Then again historically speaking, it once was, wasn't it?)

Things That Make You Go Hmmm #5

Being that it's Saturday, that I am far away in foreign lands, that I am suffering from oxygen deprivation from seven days at 6600 feet, and that as a consequence I am drawing a complete blank while trying to come up with something really creative, funny, and interesting (for a change); we are once again going to turn to those annoying questions that come up from time to time. I sure as heck don't have any answers for them, but maybe someone out there might.

• How important does someone have to be before they are assasinated rather than simply murdered?
• Why do you have to put "your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
• What disease did a cured ham used to have?
• Why is it that when people sleep well they say they "sleep like babies", when babies wake up every two hours?
• How is it that we could have figured out how to put a man on the moon before we figured out it was a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• If the Professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Can a hearse with a body in the back drive in the carpool lane?
• If a deaf person goes to court, is it still a hearing?
• If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
• Why does Goofy stand on two feet and Pluto on four, they're both dogs?

I am traveling today, and expect to be home, and back at my normal nonsense next week...

Warning: Potential Diplomatic Incident

I was interviewed on video this evening by El Tiempo, one of the newspapers in Bogota, Columbia. (That is where I am working this week.) It seems as though my translator is also an editor for the Financial section of the newspaper, and that they thought it might be interesting to have the opinion of an American citizen on the American economy, the Bailout, and the future; since they had one at their disposal.  

I was asked whether I thought that the Bailout was necessary.  
I stated that it appeared that the market had been in need of a correction for some time, and that it appeared to have finally gotten one. Government precipitated this by pressuring the banking industry to loan money to people who couldn't pay it back, and that eventually the banking industry was proved right in their assessment. These loans, passed up the investment food chain by the unscrupulous part of the banking industry eventually caused business failure in many of those organizations. Those failures in turn created a good part of the financial crisis that in turn led to the market crisis. Interference by the government didn't change those facts, but might lengthen the time frame for the resolution of the situation.

I was asked whether the Bailout was successful. 
I stated that the bailout was designed to address the market and credit crisis, but recent market fluctuations have so far proved otherwise.  

I was asked if the Bailout was of concern to me. 
I stated that it very much was. I said that I felt that the entire US economy had been placed in the hands of the Secretary of the Treasury in the rush to a solution. Placing that power and 700 billion dollars in the hands of a bureaucrat who doesn't run for election and will be leaving in a couple of months is scary. Leaving that power behind for whomever may follow is even scarier.  

I was asked if I was doing anything different as a result of the crisis. 
I replied yes, making little or no luxury purchases and paying my debt down as quickly as I can. I also said that I was looking forward to working longer, as I had probably just lost 30% of my retirement money in the market plunge.

I was asked if I had any idea when the crisis would end. 
I replied that a lot of people who were smarter than me about money were asking themselves the same question, and not coming up with an answer; so how could I be expected to. As I was being escorted back to my hotel for the evening, I was informed that this would not be the background material that I had thought, but that instead it would be broadcast on TV and placed on the El Tiempo website (I may provide the link as a laugh for all if and when they send it to me). 

As a consequence of the use of this interview however, I now wish to state for the record that I deny any and all responsibility for anything said during it. I have been working long hours, have been oxygen deprived because of the altitude, had a rock in my shoe, the sun was in my eyes, I ran out of gas, I had to visit a sick friend.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

These were simple remarks made by an even more simple American citizen and should not be presumed to reflect the policies of the American government or those of anyone with an IQ in double digits (categories that are often mutually exclusive).

Jeez, I hope they let me back in the country ...

Pollitical Plate Tectonics

I am sure that upon seeing this title, those little wrinkles formed in the center of your forehead. It's not your perception that is at issue however, but mine. I was sitting quietly and thinking (ignoring the pain caused by such behavior) about the upcoming political frenzy while watching a program on the History Channel about the evolution of land masses on the planet Earth. As it often does, my mind made a rather unique (OK, substitute your own word here) connection between the two widely disparate subjects. Try and stay with me here... 

Plate Tectonics, for those of you not addicted to books on geology or the History Channel, is the process that describes the large scale motions of the Earth's lithosphere. Too highbrow an explanation for you? OK, this is the process that describes how and why the continental plates move around the planet like the skin of a piece of fruit could move around it if were not attached to the meat of it, except in the case of the earth's skin, it moves around in separate pieces. Part of this process involves these plates moving away from each other, the other involves them moving toward and crashing into each other. It is the latter than struck (no pun intended) a chord with me. 

You see, in this process of collision in the earth's crust, one part is forced up, and new mountain ranges are normally created. As they grow, these new geographic features dominate their surroundings. Over time however, these mountains drift away from the contact point where they were made, are worn down through erosion, and gradually disappear. It suddenly occurred to me that the same thing happens with political parties. The Democratic-Republican Party for example, was created in 1792 by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison among others in response to Alexander Hamilton's Federalist Party. 

This new party was formed in an attempt to return government to strict adherence to the limits imposed on government as outlined in the Constitution and in opposition to the increased strengthening of the Federal government under the Federalist party they had left. The object was to go back to individual freedom and responsibility, return to states rights, and stop the encroachment of Federal governmental intrusion and power. (Are you laughing hysterically yet?)  Even as late as the 1960's, decaying remnants of this philosophy still existed, as newly elected Democratic president John F Kennedy was calling on us to "... ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country". 

Today it would have to be considered obvious that the principles on which this political party was founded have all but disappeared, some saying that they are even reaching a point approaching Socialism and as such, a point of true political subsidence. 

The Republican Party came a bit later in 1854, and came to power with the election of Abraham Lincoln in 1860. Also known as the GOP ( or Grand Old Party), they replaced the Whigs as the preeminent competition to the Democrats and over time replaced the Democrats as the personification of the conservative point of view in politics. Once home to both fiscal and regulatory minimalism, they long defended strict adherence to the Constitutional limits on the Federal government and the concept of individual freedom, with personal responsibility. 

While still ostensibly known for this, these conservative principles have mostly long since worn away in the party, with the remnants only appearing from time to time as empty rhetoric these days. Perhaps their final plunge occurring after the 1994 Congressional "Contract with America", the principles of which have gradually been abandoned in the years since. 

Lately coming to prominence, we see the Libertarian Party. Founded in 1971, and today considered a radical conservative fringe group, this party appears to be growing in power in recent years. Espousing individual rights and strict interpretation of the Constitution, this party today seems entirely about limiting the encroachment and power of the Federal government (or any level of government for that matter). 

There is little doubt that they would now have to be considered the most conservative of the current political parties and the most strident opposition to encroaching Federal intervention in everyday affairs. While they have had limited success on the local and state level in some areas, they have yet to have any real impact on the national level to date. 

Do you begin to see the parallels? 

The Democratic Party is formed as a conservative group to return government to a strict interpretation of the Constitution and oppose strengthening of the Federal government. Those principles erode over time and 62 years later, here comes the Republican Party to take up the flag of strict interpretation of the Constitution and limited Federal government. As the Republican Party's founding principles erode, following those of the Democratic Party before it, the Libertarian Party appears (though it took almost 117 years to do so). They now appear to have now taken up the flag of conservative principles, espousing a strict interpretation of the Constitution and the strict limitations of Federal governmental power and intrusion.  Only lately appearing on the scene, they also appear to be on the rise, growing in both strength and numbers in recent years. 

Perhaps like the movement of the continents, the creation, erosion, and eventual replacement of political parties are a natural occurrence. Perhaps time simply saps the will of a political party over time; causing it's founding precepts to erode, and forcing it's principles to be reborn under a new name and leadership. Perhaps, with this latest tectonic collision, there is hope yet for a return to a government in America defined and limited by the Constitution that created it. Perhaps nature herself has taken a hand, as this process takes its seemingly inevitable next step in an ongoing process.