Things That Make You Go Hmmm #5

Being that it's Saturday, that I am far away in foreign lands, that I am suffering from oxygen deprivation from seven days at 6600 feet, and that as a consequence I am drawing a complete blank while trying to come up with something really creative, funny, and interesting (for a change); we are once again going to turn to those annoying questions that come up from time to time. I sure as heck don't have any answers for them, but maybe someone out there might.

• How important does someone have to be before they are assasinated rather than simply murdered?
• Why do you have to put "your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
• What disease did a cured ham used to have?
• Why is it that when people sleep well they say they "sleep like babies", when babies wake up every two hours?
• How is it that we could have figured out how to put a man on the moon before we figured out it was a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• If the Professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?
• Can a hearse with a body in the back drive in the carpool lane?
• If a deaf person goes to court, is it still a hearing?
• If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
• Why does Goofy stand on two feet and Pluto on four, they're both dogs?

I am traveling today, and expect to be home, and back at my normal nonsense next week...

Things That Make You Go Hmmm #4

It's Friday and for no other reason that I am in a particularly inquisitive mood, it's time once again for things that make you go hmmm. I can't help it that like Johnny 5 of "Short Circuit" fame, I have "questions, queries, posers". So once again I'm going to put some of them out there in the hope of gaining additional insight in my life.

• Can fat people go skinny dipping?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money for all of that stuff from Acme, why didn't he just order a take-out meal.
• If you were in a vehicle going the speed of light, what would happen if you turned on the headlights?
• If the Universe is everything and the Universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
• Do fish get cramps from going into the water less than an hour after eating?
• Why are there five syllables in monosyllabic?
• If all of the world's a stage, who is the audience and where are they sitting?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• How do you avoid working the graveyard shift at a cemetery?
• If firefighters fight fires and crime fighter fight crime, what do freedom fighter fight?

I'll be waiting to hear the answers. I know that "the Truth is out there".

Things That Make You Go Hmmm ... #3

I was feeling a little bored this morning, so I thought I would throw down the challenge and get answers to some of the questions that just bother me (Well at least this week). Here they are:
 

• Why does a psychic have to ask your name?
• Why does the phone company give you a phone number to call if the phone doesn't work?
• Is atheism a "non-prophet" organization?
• If a cannibal ate a clown, would he taste funny?
• If horrific describes something horrible, why doesn't terrific describe something terrible?
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• Where do the Interstate highways in Hawaii go to?
• If you choke a Smurf (something that I have always wanted to do) what color does it turn?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• If a book about failure doesn't sell, is it a success?

I will be awaiting those answers...

Things That Make You Go Hmmm ... #2

Well things have been entirely too serious lately, so I decided to break up the mindless tedium of my everyday existence by throwing out a few questions for your consideration. I certainly don't have an answer for you (or I wouldn't have asked now would I?), but would appreciate any that those of you out there might have.

• Before they invented the drawing board, what did people go back to?
• Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when everything they regulate is outside?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to?
• What would be the ecologically friendly thing to do if you see an endangered animal species eating an endangered plant species?
• Would helping someone find the self-help section in a bookstore defeat the purpose of having it?
• If a quitter never wins and a winner never quits, then how can you quit when you’re ahead?
• How would anyone know if bagpipes are out of tune?
• If man evolved from apes, why do we still have apes?
• How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
• If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

As you ponder these things, please remember that the secret to a happy life is a healthy sense of the ridiculous...

 

Things That Make You Go Hmmm ... #1

In the spirit of Monty Python (even the late Graham Chapman), Stephen Wirght, the late Douglas Adams (author of the Hithchiker's Guide to the Galaxy), and all things ridiculous, I am adding another of what I hope will become periodic but regular features to the postings that I use for education and enlightenment on the readers of this blog site. The sole purpose of this bit nonsense is to make you scratch your head (and perhaps chuckle) over the illogical extremes to which the English language can be taken. I hope that you enjoy these as much as I do.
 

• If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
• Why does you nose run and your feet smell?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
• Why are goods sent by vehicle called shipments and goods sent by ship called cargo?
• Why do they call it quicksand when you actually sink into it very slowly?
• What if there were no such things as hypothetical situations?
• Would sign makers be scabs if while on strike they wrote something on their picket signs?
• If absence makes the heart grow fonder, are people who have never met in love?
• If you’re not supposed to drink and drive, why do they sell beer and wine at gas stations?
• If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

I don't know about you, but I want some answers!