Halloween Costumes, 2008

I have been asked once again to use my perverse sense of humor on the subject of Halloween costumes. Not being able to resists such requests, I will try to make some last minute suggestions for those of you unable to come up with suitable raiment for your Holiday parties this weekend. 
  

Nationally

• Put on a suit and carry a bucket of fake money, telling people that you are Henry Paulson (Secretary of the Treasury) and giving handouts on the Bailout Plan.
• Wear anything that you like and tell people that you are Bob Barr, Libertarian candidate for president. Hardly anyone knows what he looks like so you won't have a problem.
• Go from house to house with a clipboard and tell people that you are from ACORN, and trying to sign them up to vote.
• Walk the streets, clinging to a toy gun (please make sure that it looks fake) and a Bible and tell them you are from a small town in the Midwest.
• Also from the Midwest (and a tried and true favorite of mine), is to walk the streets in a Cubs uniform. Sympathy for a team that has now not won a World Series in over 100 years should reap rewards.
• Walk around in either a Tennessee Titans or Dallas Cowboys jersey and try and pick a fight with someone at each house. When they ask why, tell them you are Pacman Jones.
• Go from house to house in a Speedo bathing suit, a warm up jacket (especially in my neck of the woods), and a painful expression. When asked, tell them that you are every swimmer who raced against Michael Phelps in the recent Olympics.

Locally In Toledo

• Put on a suit and a fake halo and tell people that you are Ben Konop (Lucas County Commissioner). Carry a bucket of fake money with you and tell those that ask that the money is for their job training.
• Walk the streets pulling wagon loaded with a stuffed dog locked in a cage (Note: the wagon must be left out on the sidewalk while you go to the door without it.) and tell them that you are Mayor Finkbeiner. (If you want to add an extra touch of realism to the costume, you can occasionally throw a coffee cup at someone.)
• Go from house to house the day after Halloween and ask for candy anyway. You can tell them that you are Jon Stainbrook, head of the Lucas County Republican Party, and you have a history of doing things a little late.
• Go from house to house with bag of worn out, broken junk and tell people that you are COSI.
• Carry a marionette from house to house, making your puppet dance from time to time, and tell them that you are John Robinson Block, publisher of the Toledo Blade.
• Get two friends and go from house to house as the "crowd" from an event at the Erie Street Market.
• Attach some fake flowers to your clothes and go as the Reynolds Road entrance to Southwyk Mall.
• The simplest of costumes is always the best, and here locally that is simply to hang a piece of plywood in front and behind you, and tell people that you are a downtown building.

OK, go out there and have some fun; but be careful...