Goodbye

Saying goodbye is always a difficult thing to do; but it sometimes seems necessary.  And so, after 6-1/2 years, it may be long past time to give up what has become the rather time-consuming obsession of "Just Blowing Smoke".  After all, I would hate to discover later that I had hung on past my prime (not that I think I've actually had one); like so many have done in other fields.   

Politics is largely a vulgar and unchanging spectacle of self-aggrandizement by a self-chosen elite for most and an exercise of self-deception for the rest; with little room for logic or reason to exist in the space between.  Any challenge to whatever the current strictly established dogma is, even by those considered the faithful (and maybe especially by it), risks a condemnation for apostasy.  Attempts (almost by necessity) to cloak these efforts in skepticism risk their eventual transformation into examples of perverse cynicism through constant exposure to this toxic environment.  Attempts at irony or sarcasm as an amusing alternative become little more than a jaded form of gallows humor in the end.  

As for the 'perspiration to gain inspiration' required to break through the walls of a largely rigged game, they're often vilified without analysis either because of a lack of properly tenured credentials or their failure to follow ideological protocol for submission.  The heroic effort of dancing in the minefield of political correctness left to anyone trying to achieve any originality often yields little more than a stench of disillusionment and disappointment that no masking fragrance can ever cover.    

This is not to say that the overall experience of creating "Just Blowing Smoke" has been a bad one.  In fact, to say that I'm immensely grateful for the reception it's received, the size of the audience it's somehow manage to gather, and the geography it's covered is a vast understatement.  It was in June of last year for example while noting the 5th Anniversary of the site that I was celebrating 34,000 total pageviews, and as I now close the door a mere 18 months later, that same number has all but reached 78,000.  Unfortunately however, true success in such efforts is measured with levels of participation that are orders of magnitude higher.  Judged by these standards in fact, my own meager numbers will never even appear as a blip on the radar screen.

And since I'm being brutally honest ...

I should admit as well, that much of this effort began as a method to improve my ability to write.  If any such improvement has been been achieved over the years, it seems all but imperceptible; and despite my exalted aspirations in this regard, the only thing that I'll ever share with the likes of literary legends like George Will or Charles Krauthammer is species and gender (OK, gender ...).  Sparing the public the painful duty of acknowledging that rather sad conclusion on a regular basis could be the most decent thing I can do.    

"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterward." - Robert Heinlein

While this departure does not mean that I'll be entering a monastic retreat (the constant kneeling is too humbling and far too painful for these old bones), I expect to be far less visible online and where my literary efforts are concerned.  I will no doubt attempt the occasional tawdry literary effort and send them off to venues willing to accept such submissions for no better reason than to feed an addiction that I can't completely kick.  The world being as fickle as it is however, I expect little more than to become lost in the next 'squirrel moment' and quickly forgotten.  

At any rate, I hate long goodbyes, and this one's already too long by half.  It's time at long last to bid a tragic farewell to the multiple personality disorder made up of the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security, the lexicographers of the Stuck On Stupid Dictionary, and the other ne'er do wells that comprise the JBS Senior Staff as they're returned to the dark corner from which they've emerged over the years.  (Which I suppose is far better than turning them loose on an unsuspecting public.)  Thanks again for your support and your company on what has been a rather strange, often twisted, but occasionally interesting ride.  Who knows, perhaps some day we'll meet again ...  

That's All Folks

This is to give formal notice that as of the end of December, "Just Blowing Smoke" will cease the addition of new entries.

It was June of 2007 when I formally moved this blog over to the Google blogspot platform, and since then over 1100 entries have been added to a site that has experienced some 70,000 pageviews from all over the world.  In spite of the world renown that I have garnered because of it (OK, maybe renown is too strong a term, but my grandkids still recognize me when they see my picture), I've decided after 6-1/2 years that it may be time to fold up the tent and move on.  

I will not bore you with the terribly long, tedious, and self-serving explanation that has led up to this decision; as the odor of natural fertilizer production involved in doing so (not to mention the terminal boredom experienced) would probably drive you from the room in tears.  Tears are in fact, the last thing that this announcement calls for.  Instead I would simply like to thank the small and rather twisted, but extremely loyal following that has made this long journey an extremely enjoyable literary experiment.  (Well, at least for me, anyway.)

Speaking of tears, if you happen to know anyone who can use the efforts of a team of apathetic investigators from the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security, or the services of a bunch of lackadaisical lexicographers (from the Stuck on Stupid Dictionary) please let me know.  Both obviously, will soon added to the growing ranks of the unemployed, and it is my intention to tearfully (but firmly) kick the Cheetos-eating bastards out of the headquarters facility as soon as they sober up on New Year's Day. 

The website will remain up even after I have ceased adding to it (not that there's a chance in hell that I will reconsider my decision), but there are a few writing projects that I am working to finish up; both here on the Blog and for the Toledo Free Press that will be posted to the site between now and the end of the year.  I hope that you will enjoy them, and all of the insanity that has come before as much as I have.

Thanks again my friends ...

Shame On You Glass City

Not currently being a resident of Lucas County in Northwest Ohio, I probably shouldn't comment on the results of this week's election.  (Such considerations however, have never stopped me before and are unlikely to now.)  It's far too early to know what these choices will mean to much of area, but there are a few things that we probably do know based on the tallies in its largest city ... Toledo.  But before I make a couple of probably inappropriate comments, let me say first and for the record:  Shame on You!

This is not a comment about the choices that you made or didn't make.  (That will come later.)  This is instead a reproach for your continued abominable voter turnout.  D. Michael Collins won the office of Mayor in the Glass City with a 56 percent margin of the 25 percent of registered voters who took the time to perform their civic responsibility.  My congratulations go out to D. Michael for the solid majority of his victory; but for those of you unwilling (or unable) to do the math, I should point out that this means that the city's next leader will take the reins of power with a mandate from 14 percent of the city's electorate.

As for the rest of the city's results, this might well be a special Toledo edition of "Silly Bits".

• With the exception of Sandy Spang, the City Council elections returned enough incumbents, retreads, and familiar names that Toledo may be eligible to receive special recognition from the environmental lobby as a political 'Green City' for its candidate recycling efforts.  Friend and fellow blogger Maggie Thurber thinks this may be an illustration of the "Stuck on Stupid" concept that she coined for so much of what goes on in local government (one that was later co-opted by the lazy lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary here at "Just Blowing Smoke").  I cannot disagree with that discerning assessment, but tend to see it myself as a return to Toledo's "SSDD" philosophy (Same Shit, Different Day), one that has served it so poorly for decades. 
• With D. Michael Collin ascension to the title of Mayor, his City Council position will require that a replacement be appointed by sitting members.  There's a rumor that former Mayor Carty Finkbeiner is seeking that Council position and the chance to join former Mayor and newly elected council member Jack Ford.  For all the hard times that Toledo has fallen on and all those who have abandoned the city for one reason or another (yours truly included, though my departure was not entirely voluntary), certainly there must be someone out there with a pulse that can serve better in this capacity than this former object of municipal embarrassment.  If Carty wants to get more than his retirement pay from the city, let him walk in through the front door of the electoral process by running for office and not try to sneak in through the back door of political favoritism.
• My own efforts in the blogging world and those of many I know, have been relatively silent in their criticism of the Mayor's office during the term of Mike Bell.  You may not have agreed with everything Mike Bell said or did, but it was difficult to argue his selfless and sincere desire for the City's improvement, and the logic of his thought processes.  I suspect that the Collins Administration will not see such peace and quiet remain.  This is nothing against D. Michael Collins personally, as I believe that he's an honest guy who says what he believes.  That being said, I have a suspicion that the direction the city will take is one that some of us with more conservative principles will have something to say on.

I'd like to tell you that I paid attention to the other local races, school board elections, and levies were on the ballot this year, but I was prevented on getting too far by the pay wall recently installed on the website of the daily newspaper.  It was just as well however, as the depressing nature of the results that I was able to gather had me pulling up the covers over my head and seeking the comfort of my bed far earlier that I normally would on an election night.

"When you're a child, you believe that monsters are hiding under your bed. When you grow up, you often discover that same bed to be the only place left to hide from them."
- me 


The good news that one can take in retrospect from the election, for those of us scribbling in the wilderness of politics and looking at the days ahead, is that it seems likely that Toledo will return to being the classic 'target-rich' environment that we've all come to know and love.  I believe that the Glass City's Mayor and City Council are likely to be a lively bunch and one worth keeping an eye on.

But let me end on this the day after the election by saying congratulations to the winners, condolences to the losers, and 'Shame on You' to all of you who refused to give up even the small enough period of your Reality Show schedule, Facebook chatting, and pure laziness to take part in the electoral process.
  

Oz Medicine

(Disclaimer:  This post has nothing to do with 'Dr. Oz' or his TV show, which I have only noted in passing while channel surfing.)  

For those of you a bit surprised about the inclusion of a mid-week posting this week, I have to tell you that you're not the only one.  It appears however, that there may some potential side effects to living in the "Land of Oz" (aka Kansas) that some of us may be particularly susceptible to; and I now appear to be running the gamut of these conditions.

As many of you might know, I recently completed what I now like to call 'Tin Man Surgery', in which extensive and extremely necessary repairs were done to veins and arteries around an organ that was apparently in absence in one of Dorothy's companions in "The Wizard of Oz" as well apparently as in many Conservatives.  (No, not my brain.  Try not to jump ahead, please.)  In spite of living in the Wiz's balloon 'fly-over country' however, I was seemingly blessed with some local 'rock stars' of the medical profession and the repairs were not only successful, but my expeditious recovery currently has me up for 'Miss Open Heart Surgery 2013'. (You should see the swim suit competition.) 

In the days since my return home from the hospital however, I seem to have traded the condition that I shared with Dorothy's metal companion for that suffered by one of her more herbaceous ones.  I have recently discovered that my interest and ability to write either quantitatively or qualitatively (writing a lot or well) seems have suffered in a corresponding fashion to my return of the good health of that vital pump in what I am beginning to consider might be the possible onset of 'Scarecrow's Syndrome'.  I am now more than a little concerned that repairs insuring that blood is now properly circulating around my heart have somehow diverted this vital fluid from reaching the near perfect vacuum between my ears.  

As a result, these days find me either unable or unwilling to keep up with my former docile pace of two blog posts a week.  As for concerning myself with the discipline of the multiple personality disorder more commonly known as the staff here at JBS where the lexicographers of the SOS Dictionary are concerned, or facing the mess in the locked attic room (that I keep in my mind) better known as the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security; forget about it.  This combination of raging inability and apathy doesn't even speak to the apologies that I owe Michael Miller and the staff at the Toledo Free Press for failing to annoy them with nonsensical weekly efforts offered for publication in their well-esteemed product, let alone the constant re-writes that follow in vague but futile attempts to make them at least coherent, if not intelligent offerings.

My continued inability to properly identify the cause for this problem, let alone truly accept responsibility for the resulting lack of literary output leads me to believe that yet a third yet undiagnosed malady may be lurking in the wings.  Such cowardice in the face of (and piled on top of) such inexcusable laziness may in fact be an indication of the first stage symptoms of another one of Dorothy's literary traveling companions.  As fragile as my current mental state is however, I'm not sure if I could face a confirming diagnosis and discovering that I might indeed be suffering from the onset of 'Cowardly Lion's Disease' on top of everything else (though that may just be the fear talking).   

This dilemma is further complicated by not knowing which of the medical professionals that I'm working with in the Sunflower State that I should consult regarding these concerns.  Try as I might, I'm not sure how to determine which of their specialties these maladies might fall under, if any at all.  Since most of them have signed off on my recovery (Oh, if they only knew!), and I am therefore not scheduled to visit with any of them any time soon; I hate to bother them with what may in fact be no more than post-operative psychosomatic disorders.  

Perhaps the symptoms that at least I believe that I'm experiencing might not fall under any of the extensive training that any of them have received, and instead another medical professional must be called in.  (I wonder if Dr. House might be interested in taking my case, though I better hurry before he finishes his final season.) 

Now I'm sure that many of those reading this might by now think you have a pretty good idea or two of who might best be consulted (and I might even be tempted agree with you), but instead I think that I would to take these thematic medical complaints to their absurdly logical conclusion.  Yes that's it!  Dorothy did after all have one other companion on her journey through Oz that I have yet to consider ... Toto.  I need to get on the phone with a local veterinarian first thing tomorrow ....

Back At It Soon

For those of you concerned over the lack of production going currently at "Just Blowing Smoke", let me assure you that need not be concerned much longer.  Recent recuperative efforts after unexpected 'Tin Man Surgery' are well ahead of schedule.

Senior Editorial Staff likewise expects me to quit slacking, and to begin operating a keyboard without the use safety handrails.  There remains some concerns over future mental acuity, but I'm not sure that they're any greater than normal (such as that is).

I hope to be increasing output again beginning this weekend.  

 
Rest assured that we'll be back up to speed before you know it, meanwhile let me leave you with this ....... 

  

"The only power to which a man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself."

- Elie Wiesel

The Jester

Listening to Glenn Beck yesterday, I was informed that one of the new White House inner circle was found to be nothing more than a blogger.  A BLOGGER?  Are kidding me?  What are these knuckle-headed knuckle-draggers in Washington doing adding a blogger in a position of authority to their midst.  What, after all, could a blogger possibly offer to the inside-the-beltway experts of politics (except maybe some clear thinking and fresh air), let alone to a White House that has begun to take on airs of its own (like those of a monarch that all Administrations inevitably do during a second term)?  

Don't get me wrong here. Glenn and his cohorts may be right that this new addition to the Administration may be an over-the-top partisan ideologue. (Which has probably never happened before, right?)   He may also be little more than a amateur political hack (which actually seems SOP for White House appointments from both parties).  He may even be, as accused, sitting around his house in his underwear writing sniping comments about the political opposition (which wouldn't be a bad gig if it were you could actually make a living at it).  

On the other hand, at least he wouldn't be a someone who had never had a job that didn't involve feeding at the political trough, someone who might not have spent half of their life running for office and the other half desperately trying to keep it, or someone who was so inbred in the corruption of DC culture that using the inside information provided to members of the national legislature to accrue a personal fortune seemed a reasonable thing to do.  Neither would he be a failed news reader, corporate mouthpiece, or failed ESPN sportscaster turned political pundit.  (Yes, I mean you Keith Olbermann.)  Contrary to popular belief, there are a number of intelligent, savvy, and creative people that are writing blogs; and the rest of us are making a heroic effort to drag ourselves out of the shallow end of the gene pool in order to be worthy of their efforts. 

Now of course, in the midst of my pseudo-rant, I couldn't help but be notice that the nom de plume currently under attack was one that fit me like the cheap suit I sometimes wear.  Bloggers are after all, are still a rather curious group coming of age in this era of new media.  How you feel about them as a group is likely to have as much to do with whether you agree with what they say, how well they say it, and how much competition they've become for more traditional sources of media than what they're actually writing.

As a blogger, I've been known to do a fair job of pointing out the obvious naked condition of the emperor in my own tawdry efforts.  Certainly among the more elite of the milieu there must be far wiser and better examples in both local and national venues.  Some, I know for a fact have journalistic credentials, others have personal or professional experience that lends greater insight to their efforts, and some have terrific contacts and sources of information.  Most of them quite frankly, are far more capable of expressing themselves coherently than your average Congressman or Senator (regardless of whether its at the state or national level).  

This is not to say that you'll find me claiming in line for a top-flight job as a Presidential adviser (at least in this administration), though one might come to believe that the White House could use someone out of this New Media with a sense of humor that was willing to tell truth to power.  It might even seem like somebody close to the Commander-in-Chief could use a bit more expertise in stringing words together (without the constant use of  a teleprompter), as well the ability to give the man at the top the appearance of a less atrophied sense of humor.  

Interestingly, as all of this rather subject 'inside baseball' information played itself out during the last week, one of one of my favorite Danny Kaye movies "The Court Jester" was shown.  It's the title song written by Sammy Cahn and Sylvia Fine, "The Mal-Adjusted Jester" seemed to fit such the situation perfectly:

Your majesty, I have a confession
My secret I must now betray
I was not a born fool
It took work to get this way

When I was a lad I was gloomy and sad
And I was from the day I was born
When other lads giggled and gurgled and wiggled
I proudly was loudly forlorn
My friends and my family looked at me clammily
Thought there was something amiss
When others found various antics hilarious
All I could manage was this –hoo hoo
Or this – hoo waahhh

My father he shouted he needs to be clouted
His teeth on a wreath I’ll hand him
My mother she cried as she rushed to my side
You’re a brute and you don’t understand him
So they send for a witch with a terrible twitch
To ask how my future impressed her
She took one look at me and cried hehehehehe, he?
What else could he be but a jester?
 
A jester a jester, a funny idea a jester
No butcher no baker no candlestick maker
And me with the look of a fine undertaker
Impressed her as a jester?

Now where could I learn any comical turn
That was not in a book on the shelf
No teacher to take me and mold me and make me
A merryman fool or an elf
But I’m proud to recall that in no time at all
With no other recourses but my own resources
With firm application and determination
I made a fool of myself!

I started to travel to try to unravel
My mind and to find a new chance
When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain
That the field that appealed was the dance
The Spanish were clannish but I wouldn’t vanish
I learned every step they had planned
The first step of all isn’t hard to recall
Cause the first step of all is to stand
And stand
And stand, and stand, and stand, and stand... 
After all of my practice the terrible fact is
I made a fool of myself

I sadly decided that dancing as I did
To sing was a thing that was sure
I found me a teacher a crotchety creature
Who used to sing coloratura
She twisted my chin pushed my diaphragm in
With a poker she vocalized me
When she said it was best that I threw out my chest
You may gather that rather surprised me

I was on solid ground till I suddenly found
That in Venice I was to appear
The gala locale was a choppy canal
And me, a high sea gondolier
I nervously perched as the gondola lurched
Before the King’s palazzo
As I started my song my voice it was strong
But my stomach I fear was not so

Oh solo mio, ooohhhhhhhh
Oh solo ooohhhhhhhh Help!

When I fell overboard how his majesty roared
And before a siesta he made me his jester
And I found out soon that to be a buffoon
Was a serious thing as a rule
For a jester’s chief employment
Is to kill himself for your enjoyment
And a jester unemployed is nobody’s fool.

Happy 1000th

Contrary to the popular myth, based on the picture of me in this blog, this particular effort is not about celebrating my 1000th birthday.  (That's at least a couple of months away.)  No, the staff here at "Just Blowing Smoke" decided that it was worthwhile in chronicling the history of this blog that we take at least some notice of its 1000th posting.  Of course this is not exactly the 1000th post, as careful research brought to our attention that some of the posts put up over the years have in fact been duplicated.  Nevertheless 1000 efforts is a significant bit of writing when you consider that the average length of a post is between 800 and 1000 words.  The number is even more staggering when you realize that most of those words have been produced within the almost perfect vacuum found between my ears.

For those of you along for the ride for what is over five years now, again my thanks.  For those you who have only recently joined us here, I apologize for your exposure to what can often become a rather twisted and toxic truth.  In my own defense, let me say that no matter how horrific you may believe some of these efforts are, there have been worse.  For those of you who have as yet for some unfathomable reason failed to join us, who cares!  After all, if you haven't joined the rest of this twisted bunch by now, there's certainly no reason to suck up to you now; so ........NYEH!

I must tell you that I have often considered giving up these twisted efforts at compositional fame; but every time I get close, someone writes in to inform me of how truly horrible these scribblings are; which forces me to go on out of sheer spite.  With the right coercion however, I might be convinced to give up this life of crime in favor of a more honorable profession like lawyer, politician, or CEO of a hedge fund.  (Oh please, I'm kidding.)  Actually, in spite of what is horrible timing in media, I still have vague hopes of pursuing writing as a profession, rather than as a horribly expensive unpaid hobby. In the meantime, I will continue to attempt to disappoint my audience with the same regularity and frequency that I have done in the past.  

So from the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security, the SOS Lexicographers, the Senior Editorial Staff, and myself  (Talk about your split personality ... geez.)  Thanks for playing along with my delusional behavior.

Happy 5th Anniversary Just Blowing Smoke

It was on this date back in 2007 (the second date that will no doubt "live in infamy") that the first post appeared on this site from some writing efforts that I had been playing with in another venue.  I had been a long time away from writing anything more interesting than technical manuals and more meaningful than some brochure copy, so many of the early efforts were crude at best.  (Many say that my efforts often still resemble such pinnacles of literature.)

Now some five years later, I'm not sure that the writing has improved much; but the nature of the blog has certainly ... evolved (I was going to say 'matured', but we all know that such a term seldom if ever applies to JBS, and never to me). Here we are however, with well over 900 posts (some of them links to the over 100 efforts for the TFP), and having received over 34,000 pageviews in its lifetime, for some unaccountable reason "Just Blowing Smoke" yet remains.  

In fact, while this site averaged 700-800 pageviews per month for much of its history, it now unaccountably sees well over 3,000 for each lunar cycle lately.  It has even been getting some of that attention from places as far from Toledo, Ohio (where it began) and Mission, Kansas (where it's now produced) as Russia, China, Germany, Ukraine, The United Kingdom, France, The Netherlands, Australia, Indonesia, South Korea, Venezuela, and Brazil (hope I didn't leave anybody important out); no doubt due to a general increase in the amount world lunacy today that I am eternally grateful for.     

In the Internet world, such numbers still mean that "Just Blowing Smoke" isn't one of the most popular sites on the web, efforts in it usually draw little if any attention in the larger world, and I am seldom 'called out' on the mainstream media (though there was a TFP effort of mine was once read by Glenn Beck on his syndicated radio show a couple of years ago).  It can therefore truthfully be said that even after five years (which sometimes seem like decades), I labor in relative obscurity and corresponding anonymity.  

While anyone who writes likes to be read, I am content however (actually, I'm shocked) that there are still people out there who feel these efforts are of value ... or garner an occasional laugh.  As for notoriety, the relatively few times in my life that I gained even a sliver of the spotlight have normally proved personally dangerous; and were usually those followed by massive bouts of egotism, followed by unintentional and very public commissions of social suicide. 

Which reminds me that the real purpose of pointing any of this out is to thank each and every one of you who continue to find the nonsense, tripe, and recklessly produced natural fertilizer contained on this site worth losing a bit of time in your lives that you'll never get back.  Since JBS is not the kind of site which assembles important news items, is not contributed to by nationally recognized pundits, or has received stacks of awards (or even one for that matter); I am eternally grateful that anyone deems these often twisted efforts worthy of a Google search (even though I'm sure most of you, in a form of electronic hand sanitizing, delete your browser history  soon afterward).  

Even the few of you have shown yourselves sadly in need of proper training in good internet manners, based on the comments that you've submitted (most of which have needed to be moderated out to preserve the last shred of good taste remaining here) have been amusing in a rather perverse way.  As for the isolated threats of bodily harm offered by those who I must assume are even more twisted than I am; while I make no claims to personal bravery, I am nevertheless prepared to meet you on the 'Internet Field of Honor' and suggest that you have your seconds get in touch with my seconds. (If my seconds aren't available, contact my thirds.  If my thirds can't be found, let's have our fourths do lunch.)    

Since I have been credited with the attention span of a gnat and organizational skills normally reserved for director of FEMA, I sometimes wonder lately however if five years of these efforts may have been too many.  Since JBS has become a rather time-consuming hobby, and in spite of the enjoyment that it at least brings me, I can't help but wonder at times if I've over-stayed my welcome and all of this perhaps should end.  Perhaps I've said enough (or as is more likely the case, far too much), and it's time to move on to other things.  I must admit that concerns over merely repeating myself or beating the drum until those around me are tired of the awful din do occur to me, and will not be easily set aside.

But enough of such maudlin thoughts.  After all, an anniversary is a happy occasion cause for celebration.  While attempting to make a long-term decision as to the fate of JBS therefore, my intention is to continue attempting to crank out at least two mostly useless and probably tasteless efforts per week, with the hope that the 'blind squirrel theory' will occasionally produce something worthy of your consideration.

Who knows, five years from now we may all be able to look back on this and say ... "Man, it's only been five years.  It sure seemed like a lot longer."

Meanwhile, somebody cut that cake and let's toast each other's health until we all get stinkin'.     

deatach dóibh má tá tú bhí orthu  
(smoke 'em if you've got 'em)

 

Under the Weather

I have been fighting a bug for going on week now, which is increasingly impacting production on either of the blog sites.  Even when my fevered brain manages to come up with something that at least appears to resemble coherent thought, such fleeting awareness becomes impossible to translate to the computer after dealing with the typos and screen cleaning caused by constant coughing and sneezing.

I continue to experiment with self-medication however, and hope to be back in front of the keyboard soon ...

.

Sequels Mostly Suck

Based on the writing schedule that I try to keep, I produce close to 2500 words per week on average in the way of blog posts and and columns. With a bit of simple math (which is about as much as I am capable of in spite of a couple of years as a math major in college), this adds up to over 10,000 words per month. I write on any number of subjects in a given thirty day period, some of which I would consider of some importance, some that act as intellectual exercises in writing, and some that are little more than mindless entertainment (usually for me rather than those few twisted souls reading them).

It may surprise you to find that not all of these exercises will ever be remembered as works of literary genius. (Yeah, I can tell you're shocked.) In fact, when looking back, I find that many of them barely pass the sniff test. The simple truth of the matter is that for me at least, it's lucky if even a tiny percentage of what I write is remembered 24 hours after I've sent them on their merry way into the ether of the Internet. If one of them is remembered however, more often than not it's a piece of ridiculous rubbish that wrote itself without any conscious thought on my part; and that I find myself barely able to take credit for. (Hmm, there may be something worth learning there...) 


Such was the case two weeks ago with an effort entitled "In Praise of Sliders". The whole thing started with a couple of my cousins complaining on Facebook about abdominal pains after a recent visit to White Castle, continued through the soul-crushing case of jealousy that I experienced because I couldn't get to one, and came to a head on a Saturday morning that required a writing effort that I couldn't come up with a subject for. What came next wrote itself with no more research that how to find the home position on the keyboard for touch-typing, and no more critical analysis on the subject than whether to use a comma or semi-colon at a certain points in a sentence. 


Now at some point I should probably back up and say that I actually take writing seriously, often agonize over every word and punctuation mark and edit my efforts almost to the point of nausea (something that many of you appear to experience while reading them). I enjoy taking on serious subjects, and occasionally even believe that my perspective on them carries some value by putting in writing what many might be thinking. (Yeah, I know. We all have our delusions.) 


All of that being said, it has become apparent in the last couple of weeks that writing about a steamed hamburger has had a far greater impact than much of what I've written of a more serious nature. To my credit, let it be said that not only am I not disturbed by this, but in fact am secretly pleased. Anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm mostly about nonsense, with a healthy sense of the ridiculous thrown in. (Some might even say that's its an unhealthy sense, but those are people that I never buy a drink for.) 


This is also the long way around to telling you that after agonizing for almost two weeks on a way to do a suitable follow up for the 'Sliders' effort, I have come up more sadly empty than that small, white cardboard box after its tiny treasure has been removed. I'd like to give you a suitable explanation for this, and believe me when I tell you that I had any number of grand excuses lined up for the attempt. (I edited them out of the piece, thank goodness.) 


I tend to believe however, that the actual reason for my lack of consistent achievement has something to do with blind squirrels and acorns. So if you're reading this today in the hopes of finding a riveting sequel to the posting on 'belly-bombers', you will be sorely disappointed. Good sequels, as most of us have come to understand, are almost impossible to produce. (Just look at 'Caddyshack'.) 


If you'll stick with me though, I promise to keep trying to be occasionally entertaining, if not insightful. I promise to be no more disappointing than your average politician, no more a waste of your time than your average reality show, and no more tasteless than the frozen variety of White Castles (which currently reside in my freezer, BTW). You know, the more I edit (and re-edit) this week's pitiful effort the more I come to the conclusion that no matter how hard you try, sequels mostly suck.

Taking Kind Of A Break

Those of you paying attention will have noticed that this is my first actual writing output in a week. Those of you paying close attention will have noted that last week's effort was mostly a reissue and the normal Wednesday effort never actually occurred. 


The reasons for my recent failures of production are nothing earth-shattering, and certainly nothing to be of concern about; but they did seem to lead me to the conclusion that now might be a good time to take on a lower level of output for a couple of weeks or so. 


I suddenly found that while there seems a lot that could be commented about, doing so seems at best farcical and at worst futile. I also found that I was writing because I had to write about something and not because I wanted to. Since "Just Blowing Smoke" is a non-profit endeavor, such effort seemed even more foolish than the output itself. 


This is not to say that I will not be writing anything for a while, but rather that my schedule for posting will more than a little erratic, depending more on how much a subject moves me than on the day of the week that it does so. I hope that perhaps by reducing the quantity for a bit might increase the enthusiasm for doing so; and that the quality of the work will begin to show improvement that it has recently lacked as a consequence. 


I hope that you will look in from time to time to see what might have been added to the compendium of nonsensical maundering that Just Blowing Smoke has become infamous for, and will try to post links when possible on my Facebook page. Meanwhile, smoke 'em if you got 'em. You can be assured that I will ...

Moving Day

The end of April fast approaches, and this year it finds me in the final stages of packing. It seems that it's once more imperative to relocate the headquarters of Just Blowing Smoke Inc (perhaps all that smoke is getting to the neighbors); to an undisclosed location in a nondescript building somewhere near downtown Mission, Kansas. 
While not overly concerned with the efforts required by an experience that has become all too familiar in my recent past, it will present some minor inconveniences that must be dealt with. 


For example, since "Just Blowing Smoke" is in fact a web log, posting might prove a bit of a challenge until my Internet connection is properly re-establish. I have already scheduled the installation of a new rack of servers to handle increased bandwidth requirements, fiber optic and wireless connectivity for all of the access terminals, and a massive satellite dish to insure that I will have direct access to the worldwide network of information that's the heartbeat of the organization. (OK, I scheduled an evil cable company to come in and get me hooked up.) I'm also thinking it might also help to get my desk, chair, and computer moved; but I could be wrong on that. (Oh my God, I just realized I could be without Facebook for over 24 hours! What will I do? What will I do?) 


Of course, being forced to take a short break does in theory allow me to recharge my batteries and perhaps even acquire greater skill with which to dazzle my small (and some would say rather twisted) audience. The truth of the matter is that by now, this audience is probably even more in need of a break from my efforts than I am. 


This is not the end of "Just Blowing Smoke" however, but just a minor interruption in service (no matter how many might hope for it). While I will probably manage a mid-week post, it's doubtful that I will produce anything during the weekend of the move. I look forward to finally becoming settled in the new digs, to once again becoming electronically connected to family and friends, and to once more holding forth on issues large and small in the way that only I can ... badly. Until then, smoke 'em if you got 'em ...

Driven To Distraction

I was up fairly early this morning, and completely at a loss for a worthy topic for use as a weekend rant (not that worth has been a particular consideration a great deal of time when I get in front of a keyboard). In keeping with the theme of this blog however, I decided to take a break from my labors by taking a walk in the beautiful fall weather and clear my head by 'blowing a little smoke". The feeling was that perhaps through the enjoyment of some of the simple pleasures in life I might become inspired to some lofty subject or great piece of writing. 


As this unfortunate result might indicate, it did neither. It did however distract me from the pursuit of such a lofty goal long enough to foster the very idea that you see before you. I find this to be often the case, and carry a pad of paper with me, lest I forget one of these occasionally interesting notions. 


Perhaps it's a mild form of ADD that exhibits itself as an inability to focus attention on a subject for any great length time. Perhaps it's just an increasing form of male immaturity that manifests itself as the attention span of a two year-old (no offense to two year-olds intended). Perhaps it's simply the need that we all have from time to time to be carried away from our cares and concerns of the moment by some random thought. 


It occurs to me in fact that perhaps many of us achieve our best thinking when distracted from the circumstances of our lives and find ourselves and side-tracked by something else entirely. It likewise causes me to wonder how many of the world's great discoveries were made by those who were similarly looking for one thing and through some random distraction of thought discover something else that proved to be potentially world-changing. 


Sure Edison was looking for the secret of light bulb, but how many other things did he invent (or allegedly steal from other inventors) while searching for it? Galileo was attempting to make some of the greatest scientific discoveries of his time and to pursue his true passion for sculpture when he was distracted from such pursuits by requests for paintings. Columbus (whose holiday is Monday) was looking for a route to the East Indies when he was distracted by a little thing that later came to be known as the 'New World'. 


It seems in fact that many of the things that have become pivotal to the world in one way or the other were in fact mere distractions to those involved. The famous science fiction author Robert Heinlein once said, "Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."


And while I couldn't agree more, I would venture to add that it's also often found by people driven to distraction in the pursuit of that easier way; and finding something entirely different and equally valuable instead.

The Business of Blogging

On the "Fred Lefebvre and the Morning News" show this morning on 1370, WSPD in Toledo, Fred reported on a story out of Philadelphia. It appears that Philly is so cash strapped that it has stooped to requiring a $300 business license of many of its local bloggers. 


Now blogging is not a particularly profitable business for most of us out here. Few of those who monetize their blogs (which does not include myself) make anything more than a modest income (some would say a pittance). The original article in fact cites a couple of examples in the story, with the focus of the story (Marilyn Bess) touting revenues of $50 over the last couple of years and another (Sean Barry) claiming about $11 over the last two years. The city however, claims that because these bloggers are engaging in an "activity for profit", they are a business; and therefore required to have the requisite license. While both sides have something of the facts on their side (some with more than others), this should be considered the epitome of the slippery slope. If blogging is to be considered a business, what other regulatory auspices might it fall under.

• Will bloggers be required to incorporate like most other businesses?
• As a voice of political commentary, will bloggers fall under the restriction of elections laws in the final days running up to an election (or potential current and future Federal Election Commission regulations)?
• Will blogger fall under the control of FCC restrictions of profanity?
• Will bloggers fall under potential legislation under consideration for Net Neutrality?
• Will the government, in its need to assure a level playing field, be forced to create a special agency (with a blogging Czar, of course) to oversee this effort that seems to fall under multiple regulatory responsibilities.

Like it or not, this mode of communication has become a huge part of the future of free speech and a legitimate source of information in this country. In fact, it is often bloggers rather than the mainstream media that are doing the investigative journalism required to break critical news stories. You don't have to agree with the opinions on a particular site (or even read it) to defend its right to say what it wants. Even those bloggers who don't do proper fact checking or show selective inattention when choosing the facts they do present have the right to spout out whatever misguided conclusions that they choose to draw. 


This is not a right granted by government license, but one insured by the limits and license granted to that government by the governed. Most bloggers do what they do out of a need. Their desire to do the work they do is brought about because they feel that they should, because they have to, and because they love it. It is not a business, but an addictive hobby. (Some of us even consider it exercise, both in critical thinking and in creative writing.) Any money that might be earned in the process is a validation and a bonus.


All of that being said, our elected officials may want to be careful before opening this door and redefining blogging as a business. If it is, those of us doing so might well want to write off our "business expenses" like computers, office space, internet access, and information subscriptions necessary for us to carry out our labors. 


Attempting to create yet another more revenue source to keep them from reigning in their profligate spending is not in the best interests of any city, state, or nation. Attempting yet more bureaucratic restrictions to the right of free speech in this country should be looked upon as an anathema to all that is right and proper in this country. Attempting to turn blogging into a business, subject to the taxation and control of government in any way, is just plain wrong.

But Seriously ...

I find that without perhaps intending it to, that this has become a theme weekend for me. I wrote the TFP Column "Leaving It To Professionals" last week after becoming increasingly incensed by some of the talking-heads on the cable news channels insisting that only members of their journalism school club should get an opinion on matters of import. I believed then, and I do now, that their spouting on the subject was little more than some intellectual snobs performing an act of mutually satisfactory sexual congress (sorry, but that's as obscure as I could make the reference).

I may not always agree with Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, or Sean Hannity (though far more often than not, I find that I do agree with local WSPD hosts Fred Lefebvre and Brian Wilson); but they appear to do their research on the subjects they choose and therefore have just as much right to spout opinion as many of the other pundits on radio and cable ... and at least as much as media trolls Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews.

I followed up yesterday with a post in this blog, "Area of Expertise", where I might have appeared to contradict myself by saying that actors or musicians should probably refrain from expressing opinions about subjects they are untrained on; but I was not. As I said in the piece, everyone has a right to an opinion and to express it. Publicly doing so however, carries an obligation to do some research before expressing oneself. Being given a national stage on television or radio provides them an additional mantle of expertise (real or imagined) that mandates even more of an effort to perform due diligence on the subject they speak on.

Having said both of these things already, it seems as if it's time to wrap it all up in a pretty package and tie it up with a bow. For the most unstable of perches has only two legs, and there is a third that should recommend itself to your consideration. That of course is how serious all of this is and how serious those saying should be taken.

We live in truly interesting times, and many of the decisions being made today will have an impact far into the future. There are hard choices being made as we speak about the role of government in this country, the role being played by corporations and unions in that government, and of the role left to its citizens (or the role they will be allowed to have) in the coming days. These are subjects of serious import and there are many meeting, speaking, and writing on them (many far better than myself). Since most people do not have the time or the interest to research the data on the wide variety of subjects out there, let alone attempt to cohesively analyze it, the work that these pundits do is extremely important. They are not of themselves however, important at all except as a source.

As important as these ideas and their interpretation might be, we need to be careful not to lionize those expressing them. Media personalities are in fact no different than the rest of us. They have their strengths and their weaknesses, and the only thing that might truly set the major ones aside is that they have performed their professions well and promoted themselves with equal alacrity.

In fact there is a distinct danger in creating something more of these personalities than they deserve. Power and influence are dangerous toys to play with, and more than one media figure (or politician) has fallen prey to abuse its temptations. We need to be careful to separate the knowledge that we desperately need from the people supplying it. The last thing that we need is to create a cult of personality around such people.

Even we humble bloggers hold no special place in society. Most do what they do in fact, because of a desire to inform or simply they simply love to do it. One can admire their pluck in taking a stand or skill in expressing it, but they are still a part of the same flawed humanity as the rest of us. Their work should be critically examined and even judged, but no special place should be assigned to those who do it.

So please, take the issues being put forward with all due seriousness. Study the arguments on both sides with equally sober consideration. Expose yourself to all of the punditry on these subjects that you can stand without tearing your hair out. Please however, do not confuse the serious nature and import of the subjects with how serious you take the people who are dealing with them.

It is only through enlightened skepticism that we truly become informed. That holds true for people as well as ideas.

On Hiatus

To the potential disappointment of a few and the probable relief of many, "Just Blowing Smoke" will be going on Hiatus in May. There are a couple of reasons for this of a personal nature, and they include a relocation from my current home in Toledo, OH to a place that I called home once before in Kansas City. 


As anyone who knows me well can tell you however, there is little chance that I will be able to remain silent for long; and I will no doubt be blowing smoke again as summer progresses. I will not try to bore you with my feelings on the subject of leaving the Glass City, as I have bored you with far too many others already (and getting sloppy just isn't my style). I will say however, that while I am happy to be reuniting with a members of my family in KC, I know that I will remember Toledo fondly. 


For with all of the challenges that it faces as a city, there are some remarkable people here more than prepared to face them. There are also a number them who mean more than a little to me, and that I know I will truly miss each and every one of them. Toledo has also been a lucky city for me in many ways, providing me with opportunities to meet people and do things that might never have come my way otherwise. I will be eternally grateful for them, to the people who provided them, and for the time spent here. 


So as yet another episode in my life draws to a close (and hopefully some of the current drama with it) and the next begins, let me say good luck to all of us, until we meet again ...

Slainte'

TFP Column: The Courage of One's Convictions

With the permission of editor-in-chief Michael Miller, I got to have a little fun with this week's effort for the Toledo Free Press. 


You see, for many weeks I have been noticing that the tone of comments on editorials written for this publication (and not just my own) have met with increasingly hostile and anonymous comment. I have written here before about what I find to be a rather cowardly form debate, but never to so wide an audience, so this was my opportunity to applaud the efforts of fellow columnists (whether I agree with their opinions or not), while putting in proper perspective what I feel are those of some of their supporters and detractors alike. 


If all holds true to form, I suspect that this rather incendiary effort will inspire some lively discussion at best and a measure of sophomoric attack on yours truly at worst. If not, at least I have managed to fire a shot across the bows of some of these shadow dwellers, whose arguments seem to amount to little more than those of a petulant child saying: "You're a doo-doo head!" 


With all of the political nonsense surrounding the Lucas County Republican Party and the impending tax efforts of the City and the Toledo Public Schools, there is plenty of good reading in this week's TFP, and little better way to spend what promises to be a cold and miserable weekend in NW Ohio.

If I Only Had A Brain

I was listening to some of the music from my past this weekend when I stumbled over the Stephen Bishop version of "If I Only Had A Brain". It's only a short intro to another song, not much over a minute and a half; but his arrangement is sad, funny, and unmistakable all at the same time. In light of the turmoil surrounding some of my most recent efforts, it gave me pause for thought.

Can anyone voice an opinion these days without appearing belligerently partisan any more? Can anyone write or speak with passion on a subject without appearing politically inflammatory? Can anyone stand for firmly principles in today's society without appearing both ignorant and inflexible?

I would like to believe that I am seeking honest debate, but these days I am force to question whether such is the case. It often seems that you cannot offer an opinion without alienating some of those whose opinions you respect (and far too many that you don't). It likewise appears that you cannot cry out against a perceived injustice without receiving a full measure of personal denigration in return.

As for irony, sarcasm, and the humorous use of parody; these particular forms of literary license appear to be completely lost on the general public lately when used on any subject of real importance. As a consequence, anyone attempting their use will quickly find themselves the subject of insults, accusations, and personal attacks on a scale that I will not attempt to describe to you. (Though I suppose that I should be grateful that at least most of the threats offered are verbal rather than physical.)

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not complaining as much as pointing out the state of reasoned debate in the country. This is after all, a path that I have freely chosen in which to express myself, and I am more than willing to reap the harvest of the seeds that I have sown (or at least most of them). I have to admit however, that these results do give me cause to wonder from time to time about my competence to make such choices.

Perhaps I simply have too thin a skin for the fray, though I would like to believe this not to be the case, especially after the weekly baptism of fire that occurs with such regularity. Perhaps I seek only approval and am unwilling to take criticism, though this too seems unlikely as I am often my own harshest critic (though not necessarily for the same reasons). Perhaps it is simply that I find myself often struggling to come up with the proper stinging rebuke, the clever riposte, or the perfect stunning retort that many of my betters are oh so capable of. Perhaps it would simply be easier to let the comments and insults stand, and allow the anonymous detractors to have the last word.

Or perhaps the problem is that I simply lack one of the essentials for the struggle. Perhaps this would all be much easier to deal with, to resist, and to effectively answer if like the scarecrow from Oz, I only had a brain.

(BTW, you may have noticed that I did not put up a post with a link to a column in the Toledo Free Press this week. This was not about the concern that I express in this post; but simple laziness on my part, combined with a wealth of material that Michael Miller had available to him this week.)

Happy 2nd Anniversary

"Today, June 14th, is a day that will live in infamy."  

Sorry to paraphrase a line from the speech the FDR gave when asking for the declaration of war against Japan on December 7, 1941; but I couldn't help myself as I contemplated the fact that this is the 2nd anniversary of the the first post on "Just Blowing Smoke" blog site. 

That so much time has passed seems unbelievable to me. Sometimes it seems as though this only began yesterday, while at others it feels as if I have been doing this forever (though the latter feeling usually only occurs when I find myself once again at a loss for an original idea). With over 380 postings under my belt now and just over 30 columns for the Toledo Free Press besides, it has proved to be far more writing work than I ever would have envisioned. 

The experience has certainly been an interesting one however, as the efforts have provided me with the opportunity for me to share some my own wit (OK, half-wit), wisdom (don't say it), and quirky view of the world with many of you out there. It has also allowed me to meet some wonderful, intelligent, and fascinating people as well; both in person and online (though the 3 Amigos appear to be about to graduate from online to in person). 

It has even provided me an opportunity that I never would have hoped for or expected, in introducing me to Michael Miller and Tom Pounds at the Toledo Free Press. The faith that they have place in me has permitted me to expand my audience and challenge myself further as a writer, and I will be eternally grateful for their continued support. 

Mostly however, writing on this blog has simply been a lot of fun, and something which I hope to be doing for many years to come. (For those of you who thought this might be my farewell posting, I can only say sorry.) I would therefore like to thank you to all of you who have shared this rather twisted journey with me. And for the many out there who have not (or at least, have not yet), I can only say ... oh why bother, they won't see this anyway.  

Now that I think about it, you would think that with all smoke that I've blown over the last two years that the view would be all but obscured by now (Hmmm, I wonder what my carbon footprint is?). So let me quit while I'm behind and close with a thought from the posting that I shared on the first anniversary of this blog. It is from one of my favorite writers Robert Heinlein, and still seems strangely appropriate.

 "Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterward." 

Blenglish

I was spending the last couple of nights reading blog postings and comments while traveling. (Actually I spend far too much time doing that most nights, and some of them are actually on this blog.) While comments on "Just Blowing Smoke" seem to run to smaller strings and therefore fairly normal grammar and sentence structure, the same cannot be said for many of the other sites that I normally visit. 

As I have commented before here, there seems to be a direct relationship between the length of the comment string and the likelihood that those commenting will stray beyond the confines of the King's English, that capitalization will crop up in the most unlikely of places, and that a string of mostly personal vitriol will begin to pour forth anonymously. 

Some of this is simple texting abbreviation like: IMHO (In My Humble Opinion), or my personal favorite ROTFLMAO (Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My Ass Off). Others are actually quite clever attempts to make a point through sarcastic misspelling (Mi Amigo at the "Hooda Thunkit Therapy Blog", as you could probably guess from the title, is a master of this.) Some are simply so interested in pouring forth an almost obscene level of acrimony that they forget to check spelling, grammar, or common sense and common decency. 

There are those however, that have taken this process to an almost incomprehensible level. In their honor, I too am going to take advantage of the my own limited creative abilities and use them to coin a new word: "Blenglish". Of course, this word is a combination of "Blog" (already slang for the original term web log) and the language that it occasionally makes fleeting contact with, English. It includes both the clever and not so clever screen names that anyone with access to a computer keyboard can and seems to revel in hiding behind, all of the texting abbreviations that I have to have my children explain to me, and the random form of capitalization and punctuation that becomes a greater part showing emotion and emphasis while blogging. 

It is neither a positive nor negative descriptive term, but instead is merely one that attempts to label (as we human beings do far too often) a form of behavior and a method of communication becoming more and more a part of our world. So I want you to remember this day well. Years from now when "Blenglish" is finally entered into the Merriam Webster dictionary to formally become a part of the vernacular, you can say that you were there when the word was first conceived of. 
 
... have a great weekend