Will The Real Conservatives Enter And Sign In Please

A little over a year after I was born, a TV show premiered on CBS called "To Tell The Truth". (Yes, they did have TV that far back, though the screen was small, round, and only showed pictures in black and white.)  The premise of the show was simple, three people would claim to be something that only one of them actually was, and the game involved figuring out which of the three was not an impersonator. 

Each of the contestants not telling the truth about who or what they were schooled enough to be able to answer questions about their false claim.  Some pulled it off pretty well and fooled a panel of pundits put in place specifically to see through them.  Others were pretty obvious as lame set-ups and were quickly unmasked.

Because we are now entering the heart of the Republican Party Primary season, you've probably decided that what I'm talking about are Republican presidential candidates ... but you'd be wrong.  In fact with one exception, there is nothing that any of the Republican candidates for President can tell me at this point that will make me believe that they tell the truth when they say that they're Conservatives.  I'm far more concerned with those who entered Congress two years ago, and those that will soon be running this year for office in both the House and the Senate.  Which of those in office has proved to tell the truth with regards to their Conservative credentials and which newcomers to the process can lay claim to such truth?  Tea Party supported or not, far too many seem to have proven to be little more than a 'storm in a teacup', have fallen far below the standards that they espoused when running, and are a far cry indeed below the ideal that one might have assumed based on the rhetoric of the 2010 election.

Each of House of Congress is firmly in the grip of one of the two major political parties, and both seem incapable (or more likely unwilling) of changing the direction in which the nation is going.  Regardless of party affiliation or supposedly declared principles, we continue to see the national legislature function under the concept of 'business as usual', with little or no impact felt by the introduction of these so-called Conservative elements. 

*  So-called spending 'cuts' still have little to do with the reducing even government's natural increase in spending, and nothing at all to do with an actual reduction of the amount this nation spends from one year to the next. 

*  Entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare continue to go bankrupt, and increasingly appear to have the potential of taking the rest of the country with them.  Instead of attempting to address the situation however, the best that those in power can suggest are 'premium' holidays that only speed up the death spiral process.  (Don't even let me get started on where Obamacare fits into this.)  

*  Government Bureaucracy continues to increase at an alarming rate, with the legislators finding it politically expedient to turn over their Constitutionally Mandated Authority to an ever greater number of agencies and ever larger gang of unelected paper pushers.  After promising before each election to eliminate these bloated, ineffective, and wasteful agencies, they instead add to the total number of bureaucratic drones collecting a government paycheck. 

*  Government regulation likewise continues to increase with the National Register (the big book of federal regulations) in fact growing at a record pace.  Few should be surprised at such growth, as much of this new regulation is generated by the out-of-control bureaucracy that seeks to gather more power unto themselves, with their mandates taking effect without the approval or perhaps even the knowledge of legislators whose province such rules once were.

Though much was made of their entry in 2010, after sufficient cajoling and scolding it appears that the professional politicians have once again brought their young and inexperienced members to heel.  Having carefully explained to them about 'the way things are done' and how to gain 'real power for real change' in Congress, these freshmen now seem content to pass meaningless votes that show some level of intestinal fortitude; knowing that even these lackluster efforts will be compromised the first time that their opponents denigrate them for doing so. Actually shaking up the way things are done in Washington with ground-breaking legislation now seems but a dream. 

Basking now in the pay and privilege afforded by their recent elevation to Congress and showing little understanding of the definitions of 'fair share' or 'compromise' (and especially that of 'personal responsibility'), they continue to follow a path of destruction while rolling up the national deficit at a pace never dreamed of in this nation's past. 

Living by their own special set of rules (like those on Insider Trading) and showing no memory or understanding of the burden that they assumed when seeking elected office, they allow themselves to get 'schooled' (or perhaps more accurately 'punked') by their wiser, more experienced, and perhaps more jaded colleagues.

So perhaps while we are still some ten months from the election, it's time to ask those seeking office if they are the real deal where conservative principles of a small government defined and limited by the Constitution are concerned; or are they something that merely masquerades as a Conservative for the benefits of the cameras and the political game.

Many of us out here find that it's a game we've long since grown tired of. We've discovered that we're no longer entertained by claims about whether you're 'red' or 'blue', or affirmations that you represent the party of elephant or the jackass (we're coming to believe that members of both are jackasses).  We don't care any more what party's banner you carry and which you claim to represent, since in practice there's little difference. What we really care about is whether this time is if you're truly going to represent us, rather than betray both us and the principles that you claimed to hold to the agendas of the two major political parties like so many before you.

So before we all but write you, your re-election efforts, and your little clubs off completely, would the real Conservatives enter and sign in please ....

TFP Column: Succession in Silence

Monday Toledo's two former strong Mayors decided to hold a press conference to comment on the current officeholder's recent action to fire Department of Neighborhoods Director Kattie Bond and Housing Commissioner Mike Baddick.  Monday night, after listening to the highlights of this shabby event, I decided to sit down at the keyboard and comment on the pathetic actions of the two former Mayors.  Tuesday, Michael Miller, having calculated that I had not contributed to the madness of Toledo politics for a couple of weeks, put my effort up on the website almost as soon as it reached him.  Such is the nature of news in these days of the 24 hour cycle and the electronic newspaper.

So it is that you will find my insight into the behavior of former elected officials in "Grateful For Succession in Silence" before not only the TFP comes out this weekend, but even before the mid-week "Star" edition.

(There is also an ugly, but unconfirmed rumor that it will be reprinted in the print edition this weekend.)

Since it's so early in the week, I have the rare opportunity to recommend both to you.  With the weather turning colder, lighting a fire is probably in order (I understand that the Blade is good as kindling, though perhaps not for much else), and find out what's going on in the Glass City and NW Ohio in Toledo's largest Sunday circulation and Ohio's best weekly newspaper (3 years in a row, no less), the Toledo Free Press.

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2012 Primaries: Let The Games Begin

The new year has begun and after an endless number of debates, the seemingly endless process of actual voting begins. Iowa got to go first in what they appear to deem a reward for being known for damned near nothing else; except perhaps their ability to produce pork on a scale that only the federal government can compete with.  (In the spirit of full disclosure, I should point out that my father's family came from Iowa, and many of them still reside there.)

Using an arcane caucus process whose rules are so convoluted that no one knows or cares whether they are followed and so ridiculous that even the IRS laughs at them, they managed to produce a virtual tie between the Republican front runner and a guy that a week before was tied for last. Casting aside a 'favorite daughter' in Michele Bachmann that only months before won their straw poll (an equally enigmatic and incomprehensible practice), they gave their blessing (a prediction that has had much the same accuracy as a coin flip) to former Governor Mitt Romney and former Senator Rick Santorum before passing them off to the next stop on the rodeo circuit, New Hampshire.

New Hampshire of course is known for three things: its rebellious "Live Free or Die" state motto, not being Iowa, and getting to vote after them. They were granted this favored #2 spot because they suffer from New England's equivalent of Iowa's dreariness. Unlike their Midwestern counterpart however, they recognized that the odd shape of their state and its pugnacious slogan were enough eccentricity for any one place, and chose instead to use a more normal primary election format to make their own selection. (Pity they didn't show a bit of New England austerity as well, and bill the entire process to the parties involved.) 

As any who follows the primary process knows (very few, except for politicians and political pundits), these selections then move south to South Carolina and Florida before January ends, then scatter like the fall leaves amongst the winter snows in February; with the entire process completed in June.  And in spite of the fact that only one primary has been held, most of those 'in the know' are once again predicting that the entire process will be all but over after just four of the some fifty odd contests (pun intended) are completed. 

I am not counting as part of the fifty, the primaries which are held in Guam, Puerto, or any of the other US possessions, as they are meaningless in terms of sending delegates to the Republican Convention.  Of course the same might be said of the Missouri primary held on February 7th, as delegates to the convention in this state are sent based on a caucus held a month later.  Missourians however, are known to be a stubborn lot, unwilling to surrender their right to choose regardless of how superfluous it proves.  

Primaries in my last three states of residence are strangely enough, grouped together in March; with Georgia on 3/3, Kansas on 3/6, and Ohio on 3/10.  All three share dates with other states across the nation, and curiously two of them share a date with Wyoming (3/6 thru 3/10).  Apparently citizens in Wyoming enjoy the caucus process so much (or things are so boring in Wyoming) that they participate in it for five days, though their ultimate decision gains no more credit than if they had done so in one.  (Maine also has an extended state caucus, one which runs even longer [4/4 thru 4/10], but their eccentricity might easily be explained by similar boredom, and sharing more border with Canada than the rest of the US.)   In perhaps some twisted form of egotism, Utah's primary is the last one held that actually gets to send delegates to the convention.  Though not able to send any great number of delegates, they do have the dubious honor of having their choice be usually and largely irrelevant.

And while the Republican candidate needs the votes of some 1144 of these party representatives, let us not forget that there are 132 'superdelegates' who will also cast votes at the convention.  These delegates are long-time party members in good standing who become a kind of Republican 'Hall of Fame', rewarded with a trip to the Convention held in Tampa, Florida this year in August (not what many would consider much of a reward).  These delegates are not obligated to vote based on the results of the primary held in their state of residence, but can instead simply vote their conscience (assuming after years of party politics, they still have one).  At the very least, they might hope to be courted by a number of candidates and get their names and pictures in the news one last time before sinking back into political irrelevancy and relative obscurity.

According to most of the pundits this whole thing is inconsequential anyway, as Mitt Romney will achieve the nomination because they say he will, because it's his turn after his prior attempt in 2008, or perhaps because he pulled a sword from a stone.  Apparently the only reason that we continue to go through the motions at all is to give the 24-hour news networks something to talk about for the next six months and to provide temporary boons to the economies of each state brought on by campaign events and media buys.  Besides, there is always the off chance that at least one of the candidates (or as in this year, all of them) will say something really stupid at a time when someone is there to record it (which is pretty much guaranteed) and provide sufficient fodder for the media to criticize them now, having previously built up their effort to seek high office.

But what the heck, the media circus involved seems to be providing sufficient distraction for the president to circumvent the spirit and the letter of the Constitution with recess appointments, allows Congress to demonize trading practices as illegal on Wall Street that they legally commit themselves, and have both doing nothing to halt a Federal Reserve increasingly taking control of the economy and a federal bureaucracy intent on expanding its own legislative / regulatory power while the two elected arms of government that are supposed to be in charge seem perfectly willing to cede them such responsibility.

So by all means, let's have more 'bread and circuses' for the masses.  Let these ridiculous, irrelevant, and inappropriately taxpayer funded internal party games begin. 

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Under the Weather

I have been fighting a bug for going on week now, which is increasingly impacting production on either of the blog sites.  Even when my fevered brain manages to come up with something that at least appears to resemble coherent thought, such fleeting awareness becomes impossible to translate to the computer after dealing with the typos and screen cleaning caused by constant coughing and sneezing.

I continue to experiment with self-medication however, and hope to be back in front of the keyboard soon ...

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New Year's Resolutions - 2011 (Part I)

The end of the year is fast upon us, and for many of us it's once more time to make those time honored 'resolutions' of expectations that we have for ourselves for the coming year.  

I find myself on the eve of the election year of 2012 looking at the process much as I did in 2009 in a New Year's Resolution effort for the Toledo Free Press, and added to here in Just Blowing Smoke. I find that in the intervening years, I have held surprisingly firm to those resolutions; so perhaps it's time now to offer a few more serious ones and let you who have lost far too many hours reading the nonsense of JBS decide whether they have value, and whether I stick to them in the days ahead.

• I resolve to treat the pronouncements of Republicans and Democrats (and even Libertarians) with equal disdain, knowing such pronouncements can often be little more than the empty noise of political expediency at best and despicable political pandering at worst.
• I resolve to speak out whenever the opportunity arises against the unjust practice of forcing taxpayers to pay for primary elections in this country. If D's and R's require such ballots to pick candidates, let them pay for the process themselves.  If however, taxpayers are going to be forced to pick up the tab for these increasingly irresponsible organizations, let suffrage be universal and not restricted to club membership.
• I resolve to ignore most of what the 'pundits' say most of the time.  Most of this group is becoming just as guilty of self-serving bullshit as the politicians that they attempt to mold opinion on as they build them up, take them down, and pronounce them suitable for election (or not).
• I resolve to similarly ignore the polls, as they have become similarly tainted by their constant repetition and ever-changing results.  Polls may be of some use to candidates in determining their relative position in a given field or the sound bite that will get them the most media attention, but they are no basis for voters to use in choosing a candidate.  In fact, their influence on recent election process has probably done more harm than good  (at least according to my recent polling numbers). 
• I resolve to call out any misuse of the term 'spending cut'.  No longer allowing those in power to call a reduction in the increase in spending a cut. If you're spending more this year than you did last, and if you're planning on spending more next year, you haven't "CUT" anything. 
• I further resolve to call out any of the accounting trickery used to raise revenues (taxes) now in exchange for spending cuts later for the deceit that they are.  It has long been apparent that in this form of 'Wimpy Economics', taxes do increase, though no spending cuts inevitably occur.  Only changes that take effect immediately on both sides of the equation have equality.
• I resolve to highlight and attack any increase in the federal bureaucracy in this country.  Not only does it increasingly place the real power of government in the hands of people who are at no time responsible to the electorate, but the increasing restriction of their mandates is currently the greatest threat to freedom in this country.
• I resolve to continue to highlight the hypocrisy of politicians on both sides of the aisle talk about the reforms required in government union pensions and entitlement programs, while doing absolutely nothing to reduce the costs of their own compensation packages and pension programs.

At the very least, this should keep me busy enough to stay out of trouble in an election year that promises to be a truly 'target rich' environment.

Happy New Year!

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New Year's Resolutions - 2011 (Part II)

Having attacked the problem of New Year's resolutions from a serious attitude (some would say too serious), I decided that it was also in keeping with the holiday spirit and the nature of "Just Blowing Smoke" to confront the process from a slightly more twisted perspective.  I therefore offer the following New Year's resolutions for your consideration:

• I should probably resolve to lose a bit of weight this year, as I do every year.  It's a time honored tradition that dates back to when I could still see my feet without bending over, and one not likely to end until they have to force the lid closed on my coffin.
• In the spirit of my first resolution, I could (and should) then resolve to exercise more. I have a Chuck Norris 'Total Gym' leaning against the wall (where it seems so comfortable), that occasionally calls my name.  Its proximity to the refrigerator is a challenge that I have yet been able to meet effectively.  Walking is my favorite form of exercise, though it's always difficult this time of year, as it's hard to hold the cigars I'm smoking in the gloves that I wear.
• Which bring us to the fact that I could resolve to quit smoking.  This isn't likely, as it would be a waste of the money previously spent to fill a couple of humidors, something truly shameful in these tough economic times.  Besides, without the cigars to smoke, what reason would I have to do the walking that I've resolved to do as exercise.
• I thought about resolving to become a more tolerant person, but realized that everyone would be suspicious of such an attempt and worrying about what I was up to.  Since I didn't want to put anyone else to such trouble, I decided to remain the grumpy bastard that I have always been.
• I could even resolve to become a better person, help feed the world's hungry, save the planet, or work to achieve world peace; but these would imply that I was a finalist in the Miss America Pageant.  Not only would this create a picture of the swimsuit competition that none of us is willing to contemplate; but being a Curmudgeon, these seem rather unlikely goals.
• I could resolve to spend less time in front of the computer, but feel sure that those who employ me would find such behavior incompatible with my assigned duties.  Oh sure, I could probably sacrifice a bit of keyboard time in the evenings instead, but then how would I know what my Facebook friends are up to, or get any of these posts written. 
• That being said, I even considered resolving to no longer write posts for "Just Blowing Smoke", but realized that if I stopped annoying the general public with the absurdity, claptrap, drivel, gibberish, inanity, madness, rubbish, and tripe (taken in alphabetical order no less) contained in it, I would be forced to once again burden family and friends with this nonsense (a punishment that they do not deserve for a crime they have not committed). 

Well that's enough for me.  I will have trouble enough remembering all of these things that I don't want to resolve, let alone following up on them, that I may slip up and do something by accident that I never would have perpetrated on purpose.
 

Happy New Year!

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Paid My Dues

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One of the hotbed political issues for Republicans and Conservatives in 2011 (I list these groups separately because all Republicans are not Conservative and many Conservatives are not Republican) is the idea that people shouldn't be forced to join a union in order to participate in certain parts of the economy.  There is likewise a feeling that even such participation should not force one to pay dues to an organization that they either did not and would not join if they had an actual choice in the matter, and that they feel does not represent them in spite of the money that they are forced to contribute.  I could not agree with these sentiments.

How is it then that the greatest offenders on a national scale are many of those same politicians?  Oh, don't get me wrong here, I don't believe that there is a 'politicians union' operating in this country, in spite of the fact that they have much of the same negotiating philosophies with their bosses; and seem perfectly willing to let their job provider (us) go down the tubes as long as they are in a position to collect their healthy compensation & pension packages. There are in fact however, two national organizations that seem to follow many of the same practices as those that (at least on the right) they demonize. 

How else am I to view Democrats and Republicans?  Both of these national organizations, like Unions, normally require proper affiliation before they offer preferred treatment and seek to help you.  Even when membership requirements have been established, they provide only limited assistance when seeking a job (and less than that for Republicans in Lucas County, Ohio).  Both insist on demonstrations of loyalty before power and responsibility are granted within their ranks.  Both seem perfectly content to sacrifice one of their 'brethren' if such sacrifice in turn protects their own position. Both often cause a great deal of damage in the process of exercising their real or imagined power. Neither appears willing to allow secret ballot when voting; and neither appears to be above twisting the truth or using strong arm tactics to see their ends met.

There is a difference however.  Unions at least, only charge their members dues, and do not insist on all of us paying for their internal elections.

How else am I to view the coming 2012 primary season?  While we are told that this is simply the process of picking presidential election contenders, the truth of the matter is that it's no more or less than picking representatives of the two major political parties. As much as members would like us to believe that they are a part of the government, they aren't.  Therefore the picking of their representatives for a political contest is their own responsibility.  Yet over the years, voters in states across the country have become convinced that it is the responsibility of EVERY TAXPAYER to foot the bill for a part of internal party politics.

Argue if you will that the primary process is necessary, such arguments do not make the process of billing the taxpayer for it any less egregious and unfair.  How can it be unfair you say, when all allowed to vote?  Really?  Try voting in a Republican or Democratic primary in many of these contests if you are a registered Libertarian or Independent.  In spite of the fact that all of us are paying for this process, many of us (in what should be considered an obvious case of voter disenfranchisement) will not be allowed to participate, since we haven't joined one of the two big clubs.

Of course we are told that if such restrictions aren't imposed, that members of opposing parties will sabotage elections.  I'm sure that those attempting to enforce 'Jim Crow Laws' had similar defenses used in justification for their deplorable behavior in restricting the right of a citizen to vote in the 19th and 20th centuries.  The possibility of misuse of the right to vote however, has never been seen as legal justification to restrict its exercise.  If the concern for abuse is so great, why not let each voter select a representative from each major political party and let such potential damage (and benefit) be shared equally?  This at the very least, might produce candidates that represent the views of the majority of those exercising the right to vote in such events, rather than the majority of those supporting the political party in question.

Ah, but while such a revision to the process might better serve the people footing the bill, it does not serve the greater goals of the parties themselves.  Apparently Republicans and Democrats do not want the opinions of every citizens (much as they need them in general elections), only those 'loyal to the party'. Well I'm sick of it; and I'm going to keep bringing this up until somebody starts paying some attention to what's going on.  Since it seems that the only way to get attention for an evil in this country (real or perceived) is to complain about it constantly until someone finally does something about it to shut you up, I am going to do so.

After all, it's not as if I haven't earned the right to do so.  If you counted up all of my taxes wasted in the name of Democratic and Republican primaries, you could certainly say that I've paid my dues ...


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Holiday Health Alert

Christmas is once more upon us and in the spirit of the season’s traditions, Just Blowing Smoke is once more issuing a holiday alert. While many are concerned rampant consumerism that the claim that Christmas has degenerated into, our staff long ago realized that it was rampant consumption that was the greatest threat during the holiday season. While the list below is incomplete, it’s hoped that by its posting, it will aid some in restraint of the dangerous behavior that many are about to participate in. (And as our politicians are oh so fond of saying, if just one life is saved….)

Egg Nog: Let’s face it folks, considering the cholesterol and calories imbued in this beverage produced especially for the holidays, you might as well slather it on like sunscreen rather than drink it. Not only will you spare yourself endless hours on the treadmill, but I understand that it does wonders for the complexion. While there are tales that the deleterious effects of Nog can be somewhat mitigated by mixing it with alcohol (dark rum is a personal favorite), there is nothing but anecdotal evidence to support such claims. (On the other hand, having partaken of it in this fashion, it's unlikely that calories or any other coherent thought will be of much concern to you.)

 

Fruit Cake: In spite of the bad wrap that this treat has received over the years, the truth of the matter is that it poses little health risk to most of the population; and can in fact be used beneficially. No, it’s not the fruit of which it’s comprised or the way in which it's prepared that makes it healthy; but the fact that it’s so awful that it’s usually consumed in very small portions which limit exposure to its toxic effects. Fruitcake carries the additional benefit of having left over sections that can be used as a substitute for a truncheon or throwing weapon to drive guests away from other tastier and potentially more deadly treats at the holiday table. 

 

Cookies: These tasty little confections, while around all year in some form, put on their ‘party best’ for the holiday season. Dressed in clever shapes, colored icings, and of course sprinkles and glitter, the confections have been effectively camouflaged in every variety of holiday masquerade.  These deadly little delicacies however will challenge even the most dedicated of diets, and in spite of their danger, do in fact contain most of the major food groups: sugar, chocolate, useless carbs, and unpronounceable chemicals.  (If someone could get red meat or bacon onto them, they'd be perfect.)  They are considered the most accessible of temptations, since they can normally be crammed into one's pie hole all at once; minimizing the risk of discovery and disguising the damage they're doing. (Be careful to make sure that you've brushed the crumbs off though, as they are a dead giveaway.)  Vowing to abstaining from future consumption of them and to exercise the calories gained from cookies are among the top five of resolutions for each New Years.

 

Cheese: For some reason, cheese has long found a place at our holiday tables, often in rather bizarre forms. Sure you can go with the snooty specialty and European cheeses if what you’re looking for is something in the way of flavor, but the natural ingredients found in such products can expose the consumer to greater risk. The American tradition is much more likely to be defined by cheese balls, cheese logs, and the ever-popular “Cheese Whiz”. As most of us know, the more processed such cheese is, the better for you it probably is; with the piston cans of “Easy Cheese’ being the most healthy (and containing the least cheese) of all of the products available. There is nothing like emulsifiers or carrageenan to bring real cheese texture to a dish and nothing like citric acid when it comes to real cheese flavor. While we're at it, let’s not forget all of the wonderful processed products that are in most of the crackers we put this on, in an opportunity to add insult to injury (literally).

Cocktail Weenies:  No one really knows what animals these tasty little treats come from, let alone what parts of those animals might be involved; and quite frankly (pun intended) no one wants to know.  This ostensible meat product however has become a holiday favorite over the years.  This probably has something to do with fact that it can be served in so many ways.  Drowned in equally toxic sauce and cooked so long that the surrounding liquid congeals to the consistency of paste, or wrapped in a variety of equally mysterious (and probably unhealthy) substances, it can be served as a blue collar staple by the scoop or daintily displayed on the finest serving-ware, impaled upon toothpicks with colorful frills at one end.  Do not be distracted by its innocent appearance however (and be careful to use on the untasseled part of the toothpick).  Not only is there little or no actual food value in this diminutive dog, but government funded studies have found it to be extremely habit-forming and a gateway food to Brat and Andouille sausage addiction.

Alcohol: The health dangers of exposure of alcohol come in many forms, ranging from what are largely the stealth efforts of rum balls and the aforementioned Egg Nog to the traditional holiday cocktails (like rum punch), and ending with the indulgence in every form fermented and distilled beverages. Let me state for the record that here at JBS, we approve heartily in such indulgences. Not only are recent studies showing the positive health effects of moderate consumption of such beverages, but with the year all but at its end, it’s probably long past time that as survivors, we celebrated its successful conclusion. 

Overindulgence carries significant long-term health risks however, usually from one’s spouse. The immature, impolite, and down stupid behavior committed while under the influence of ‘that demon rum’ will no more likely be forgiven in the spirit of the holiday than it would otherwise. The damage can be significant and reputation rehabilitation process can be a long and painful one.

I should also note under this section, that driving while intoxicated can additionally be damaging and expensive. Not only do you risk spending some or all of your holiday in jail and thereby ruining the occasion for the whole family; but the economic and employment repercussions can be devastating for subsequent year’s holiday celebrations. 

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While Santa is the spirit of the holiday season in many households, there's no reason to attempt to equal his girth as well as his good cheer. While the fact that the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world is less than twelve months away, there's no reason to expedite the process on a personal scale by overindulgence at the end of this one. So by all means enjoy your holidays, and by all means enjoy the tasty treats of the season; but if for no other reason than my concern for you, please do so in moderation. (Besides, the use of such intelligent behavior will undoubtedly leave more for me…)

Vote of Confidence: Chapter 7

 

I didn't want to ruin Christmas for anyone, but wanted to get back on schedule for releasing edited chapters of this effort (especially since Christmas tends to be a rather busy holiday for me).  So for those of you still brave enough to try and follow along with this effort, I can announce that Chapter 7 of "Vote of Confidence" is now up. 

I call this story, "A twisted tale of Life, Politics, and what some might consider cruelty to animals".  (Though in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that the cruelty part is a bit of a stretch, since no actual animals were in any way harmed physically or psychologically" during the production of the story.)

I would love to tell you a bit about what's gone on in the earlier installments, or give you some idea of what's ahead, but that implies that I remember or know, something that might be considered a bit of a reach.  Besides, that would be giving away the plot, and as I've said before, there's not enough of one to spare.

While I don't expect anyone to waste any part of Christmas on this nonsense, it might provide a little amusement after the last bit of egg nog has been consumed (hopefully with a bit of rum), the last play of the last football game of the day has been played out, and family has worn itself out.  I therefore encourage you (since a writer likes to be read) to waste a few minutes of your life that I promise you that you will never get back in order to check the out latest addition to this effort, an attempt to serialize a novel on a blog site.  

(Who knows, this literary masterpiece may in fact prove to be just the sleep aid required to end the holiday.)

Dear Santa 2011

Santa Claus

c/o North Pole

Dear Santa,

Listen, I know that this is kind of late and that you have a lot of letters to read at this time of year (especially with the problems that the Post Office is having getting stuff delivered), so I'll get right to the point.

It seems that there are some people out there who could use a few things, and might forget to put them on their lists. So I thought I would try, on their behalf of course, to help them out. Don't get me wrong Santa, they're not children (though it would be difficult to believe this, based on the way they act much of the time) and I'm sure that more than a few of them are on your 'naughty' list rather than your 'nice' one. You may even find them rather hard to sort out, except by the fact that they've been elected to public office.

Yes that's right Santa, I want you to bring presents to politicians. No don't worry Santa, I haven't gone any crazier than usual. There's just a couple of things that I think you could give politicians right now that might turn out to be gifts for all of us. Yes Santa, I know that we already give politicians too much (when they're not taking more), but these particular selections might be considered vitally important to the national interest (and will probably be as welcome as the rabbit pajamas my grandma gave me when I was seven, and that I still have nightmares about).

Anyway, here's my list:

A new Calculator: Maybe you could find a special one with a really big display that shows all the zeros in a trillion dollars (the regular ones don't). I'm not sure that those in Congress actually understand that, or they wouldn't keep throwing that number around like it wasn't as big as it actually is.

A new Dictionary: Listen Santa, there seems to be some real confusion out there about what constitutes a 'tax', or what the definitions of 'spending cuts','fair share', 'entitlement', and 'rights' are. If you gave them a dictionary, they might look these words up when they get confused before voting on laws (you will note that I didn't say read, as most of the time they appear to vote on them before they read them these days).

A copy of the National Register: Yes Santa, I know that the book listing all federal regulations has 81,405 pages (and maybe more since I wrote this), and that it will be hard to load them into the sleigh; but then that's the point isn't it. Maybe if you block their view of the tree with this monster, they will get the message that what doesn't appear to them as enough is far too much already. If you really want to get the point across, stack a copy of the tax code (71,684 pages and growing) on top of it.

A copy of the Constitution: As long as you are adding to their reading lists, I thought that you might add this one. Yes, I know that they keep a copy on display in Washington Santa; but I'm not sure how many have ever bothered to look at it, even while they “solemnly swear (or affirm) that [they] will support and defend it from all enemies, foreign and domestic, that [they] will bear true faith and allegiance to the same”. I know that they've got these really neat little pocket editions (because I have a couple), so I was thinking that maybe you could use them as stocking stuffers.

I know I haven't asked for anything for myself this year, but I didn't ask for anything last year either, and you still managed to show up with some pretty great stuff … thanks. I'm especially thankful to you by the way, for whatever you give Michael Miller that convinces him to put my writing efforts up in the Toledo Free Press (maybe if you give him a little more, I'll make the print edition more often).

I know that there are a lot of people out there whose need is far greater than mine, so you would be doing me a big favor to help them out as much as you can instead. (Come to think of it, you might want to get lots of them copies of “Holiday Wishes” through the TFP, which would help twice over.)

Merry Christmas,

Tim



P.S. If you want to stop by again this year while making your rounds, you are more than welcome; and the cookies and milk will be on me. Besides, we never did finish that discussion on diets that don't work and the proper care of white beards.

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