Cocktail Weenies: No one really knows what animals these tasty little treats come from, let alone what parts of those animals might be involved; and quite frankly (pun intended) no one wants to know. This ostensible meat product however has become a holiday favorite over the years. This probably has something to do with fact that it can be served in so many ways. Drowned in equally toxic sauce and cooked so long that the surrounding liquid congeals to the consistency of paste, or wrapped in a variety of equally mysterious (and probably unhealthy) substances, it can be served as a blue collar staple by the scoop or daintily displayed on the finest serving-ware, impaled upon toothpicks with colorful frills at one end. Do not be distracted by its innocent appearance however (and be careful to use on the untasseled part of the toothpick). Not only is there little or no actual food value in this diminutive dog, but government funded studies have found it to be extremely habit-forming and a gateway food to Brat and Andouille sausage addiction.
Overindulgence carries significant long-term health risks however, usually from one’s spouse. The immature, impolite, and down stupid behavior committed while under the influence of ‘that demon rum’ will no more likely be forgiven in the spirit of the holiday than it would otherwise. The damage can be significant and reputation rehabilitation process can be a long and painful one.