Sequestration - A Hallmark Disaster

Those of you who regularly read these efforts in "Just Blowing Smoke" have heard me speak before about 'Hallmark Holidays'.  I won't go through the list of such days here, as it often varies on a personal basis.  They can all be easily recognized however by the fact that they are 'made up' holidays, use special cards (usually manufactured by KC's own Hallmark) for their occurrence, and often seem to carry a requirement to purchase flowers, jewelry, and/or automobiles for a loved in order to properly celebrate them.  (Many can also be recognized by ads in the newspaper which enable one to purchase tires or mattresses at reduced prices.) 

It occurred to me however, that lately we have become a nation of not only Hallmark Holidays, but of Hallmark Disasters; in spite of the fact that apparently the greeting card companies have shown a failure in their ability to keep up with the times.  It seems, for example, a shame that we have yet to see 'Debt Ceiling' cards, 'Kick the Budget Can Down the Road' cards, and with it being less than a week away ... 'Sequestration' cards.

Oh sure, each of these is purported to be a disaster rather than a day of celebration, but like their supposedly joyous counterparts, they are mostly made up and meaningless.  Let's look at their overall design:

• Each is a disaster (like some of the holidays) has been created by the government with, the willing participation of the two political parties that have a strangle hold on it, under the guise of being for our benefit.
• Each is a bi-partisan effort that the two sides of the aisle later blame on each other for occurring in the first place.
• Each is debated about by politicians and media talking heads, while largely ignored by the public.
• Each is one that both politicians and political parties change their positions on with each rising tide and wind direction change.
• Each is billed as the equivalent of the End of Days, even after so many of them have come and gone without anything of significance happening as a result of their occurrence.  

As for this latest made-by-government misadventure, it might be the thinly disguied bit of BS yet.  After all, Sequester was supposed to be the latest answer to doing something other than 'Kick the Budget Can'.  Voters, it seems, were beginning to tire of yet another boring event in which only feet were used; and probably for many of the same reasons.  (The US doesn't appear to be very good at it, few in the stands really understand the rules and most found it too low scoring for attention span of the average voter ... or six year-old.)

The truth of the matter is that 'Sequestration' was a poor designed Doomsday at best, with even those attempting to stop the clock from ticking down losing interest.

• The White House originally presented this budgetary Armageddon as a 'final solution' and now can't seem to even remember the 'Simpson-Bowles' report or the result of ignoring it.
• Both parties voted for Sequestration as a last resort; yet as the deadline that they most feared approaches, both are so concerned over the ticking down of its doomsday clock that they .... take a vacation and leave town.
• Both parties continue to call Sequestration budget 'cuts', in spite of the fact that even under its strictures, the government will spend more money this year than it did last year (which was more than the year before).
• Democrats continue to successfully blame Republicans for a failure to avoid this supposed disaster in spite of the fact that a Republican-controlled House has voted twice to amend it and a Democratically-controlled Senate has failed to vote on anything even vaguely related to it.
• Both Houses and Parties continue to ignore the simple solution of allowing the budget cuts of Sequestration to happen, but allowing the President or Departments heads involved to prioritize their own spending and cut accordingly rather than making across-the-board cuts.
• Almost everyone involved with this form of budget resolution wants to talk about the horrible impact that it will have on the recovery of the economy and with unemployment, when in fact all that it will do is to provide a reduction of 2.4% of what's expected to be a budget of some $3.8 trillion.
• Far too many would like you to believe that somehow the continuing problem of a $16 trillion debt that continues to grow because we're spending more money than we take in will go away if we just close some tax loopholes for individuals and corporations.  It won't!
• With very rare exceptions indeed, no one at any level of government will tell you what will actually happen if Sequestration occurs, though they are more than willing to set up 'straw man arguments' that have nothing to do with the process.  (My person pet peeve however, was the President talking about police and firemen being laid off if it occurs when these people are paid out of municipal and state budgets and not the federal budget that Sequestration affects.)

Since there appears to be no way to get the Executive or Legislative Branches of government to pay serious or proper attention to the actual state of fiscal affairs in this country, I therefore propose that we attempt to get what growth in the GDP that we can from turning these mostly made-up disasters into the same type of opportunities that they've done with made-up holidays.  

Oh sure, it will take them a while to get up to speed on which ones are best suited (and which might even require 3-day weekends), that's no reason not to get the presses rolling.  If they can't doing anything about addressing the fiscal crisis in this country in any meaningful way, the least they can do is let us properly celebrate their ineptitude  Let's face it, with just a little effort on the part of greeting card companies acros the nation, I'm sure that some cards with catchy slogans could be produced before the next Debt Celing deadline occurs.  

Perhaps the morons in the national legislature could even offer some phony baloney Stimulus dollars to someone other than a green energy company that the Chinese will eventually want to purchase so that we can get a tire or mattress sale (or two) in place, and move these Hallmark Disasters into true national prominence. 

Welcome to Holiday Desolation

We may not be even two weeks into the new year, but for those of you who haven't noticed it, we are firmly into the season of Holiday Desolation.  It's not really fair when you come to think of it, especially when you consider that we end each year with four of the biggest holidays.  

Halloween in October is fast becoming the biggest holiday of the year in terms of the decorations that we buy (especially when you add in the personal decorations, better known as costumes).  Add in what we spend on candy for the rug rats, and it's likewise becoming one of the most expensive holidays of the year.

Thanksgiving follows just four weeks later (depending on the vagaries of the calendar and the municipal trick-or-treat rules); and earns its credentials not only through sheer caloric intake, but through bringing families together once a year long enough to remind them of why they don't do so any other time of the year.  Having spent the past couple of weeks gorging ourselves on chocolate confections left over from the previous holiday (mostly because we again forgot to turn the porch light on and let the little beggars know we were open for business), we can now look forward to tryptophan induced somnolence while likewise over-indulging in parades and football games.

Following again just four weeks later is the grandaddy of them all, Christmas.  It's that one that Lucy defines all too aptly in "A Charlie Brown Christmas" as:  "You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls."  It's the holiday upon which greedy capitalism reaches its excessive real-life realization, not through the necessity of buying Lucy her hearts desire; but through those, "He went to Jared's" efforts that a man makes on his way home from the Lexus dealership.  After all, what way is there to celebrate a pagan, religious, and secular holiday than through automobiles and coal (wait, I thought only bad people got that) which gets put through enormous pressure and temperature (kind of like the credit card payments afterwards).  

Lest we think that rest is ahead, exactly one week later we're joined by an old guy thinking he's at a college toga party and a baby wearing a diaper, black tie, and a top hat informing us that it's last call and extolling us to have just one more cocktail in the hopes that we can spend the first day of the new year trying to get someone to bail us out of jail.  Then what?    

After celebrating for the last three months straight, what do we get in January?  Well there's Inauguration Day, but it's a politician's holiday celebrated only by the people who voted for the guy being inaugurated.  The only people who get the day off are politicians in Washington DC; with exception of incoming president, who has to take an oath and give a speech.  Martin Luther King Jr Day makes an appearance on the day after this year (which is curiously also celebrated as Robert E Lee's Birthday in AL, AR, GA, and MS), but as of yet this holiday barely rates a mattress sale.  (It's not a real holiday if there's not a mattress sale.)   But that's it for the month .... nothin'.

It picks up slightly in February with a ridiculous holiday about a weather-predicting rodent in a town in PA that 98% of Americans couldn't spell without looking it up.  If it weren't for Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell effort (and my son's coming nuptials), few if any would care about it now.  Then along comes yet another New Year, the Chinese New Year (after Jan 1 and the Orthodox New Year); followed by Lincoln's Birthday, which was so important that we've recently dropped it like a bad habit to combine it with Washington's birthday in some meaningless thing called 'President's Day'.  Of course there's always Mardi Gras, but only if you happen to be in the right part of the South. over-serve yourself, and trade the beads that we used to be able to buy entire islands for (like Manhattan) for the glandular exposure that we used to see in National Geographic. (Who may have been the same people we bought the islands from.)

Of course there is one possible holiday entrant in February, Valentine's Day.  Originally named for one of the two Catholic saints of the same name (nobody's sure which),  it has now become little more than a 'Hallmark Holiday" of love and romance in which cards, candy, and of course vast quantities of jewelry are purchased by men for women to make up for the really crappy things that they will undoubtedly do the to them rest of the year.  In a rather twisted association, this day of amorous behavior is also remembered for the 1929 massacre of seven mob guys, allegedly by members of Al Capone's social circle who were apparently not all that fond of them.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I must point out that I married my first wife on a Valentines Day.  I deny the conjecture that has since arisen that I did so in order to avoid having to purchase both a Valentine and Anniversary gift annually; and wish to state that I did so only because a was young, innocent, and a sentimental slob at the time.  I can further state for the record that I am no longer .... young.

With that, February has nothing further to contribute.  Neither does March for that matter.  Oh sure some of the more favored celebrate my granddaughters birthday on the same day that they let everybody dress up in green on the 17th to celebrate an Irish saint that was actually English (Ireland was too poor at the time to afford its own saints).  In a twisted US observance, green Budweiser and Miller is consumed in practices which would in fact considered sacrilege on Emerald Isle. (Drinking Budweiser and Miller is only a venal sin, but dying it green in a misguided effort to make it sacramental or palatable in some way however makes such a sin a mortal one indeed.)  It's not until the end of the month when another pagan holiday that's been co-opted by a religious holiday is celebrated as a secular holiday (confusing, isn't it?) that we get our first real break in the month's of long monotony.  It's the end of May however before we once more resume normal holiday observances (I refuse to accept Cinco de Mayo, Arbor Day, or April 15th's Tax Day). 

Personally, I find the whole concept ridiculous.  What better time to reward citizens and improve their state of mind than with holidays during the gray days of winter.  When are breaks from the mindless tedium of everyday existence required more than during the time of year when we are weary from shoveling snow, depressed from the lack of daylight, and all but suicidal from having filled out our income tax forms.  But no, in typically misguided government fashion, we get far more mandated days off when the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the weather is warm.  

You know, perhaps we could get Congress to pass a law mandating a holiday during this period of holiday desolation.  Who better than they to pass something truly pointless for no better reason than to win approval from voters that who think less favorably of them than of head lice (understandable, when you consider that you can get rid of head lice).  How about the:  Half-assed Ordinance to Lighten Individual Drudgery Arbitrarily and Yearly Act?


           

It's Hell Getting Old

The holiday weekend is one that's beginning to make me feel my days.  I finally perhaps realize that unlike my nephews, I am not only no longer able to sit at a Thanksgiving table and gorge myself on the inordinate quantities of well-prepared food that they can, or even the amount that I would like to.  In spite of this tremendous and somewhat surprising effort on my part not to indulge my appetite unfortunately, I continue to look as if I have.  I have likewise discovered that I am no longer interested in indulging my past desires to place myself in 'the grip of grape' as a part of my holiday entertainments, sufficing with but a single glass passing my lips.

Of course this particular holiday weekend was for me probably much more about my son Sean as it was about the menu, since he brought his lovely fiance Sarah Moglia to the City of Fountains in order to introduce her to the better part of my immediate family.  The chance to learn a bit more about her and to see the way that they are together has been wonderful; and I look forward to them setting a date.  On top of all that, we were able to talk about their impending closing on an absolutely gorgeous house in Columbus, Ohio in the next few weeks.  The conjoining of so many happy events today carries all of the portents for many wonderful things ahead of them.  

This then will mean that my step-son, son, and daughter will all have joined themselves to beginnings, new lives, and new families of their own.  Why Sean and Sarah even went so far as to take the opportunity yesterday to break the news to those gathered that there soon will be a new addition to their family (not a child but a puppy, though I have to admit they had all of us going for a bit).  This means that all three therefore are on their own paths, doing very well indeed, and should have all that all that a parent could wish for his offspring to look forward.  While obviously pleased at their all of their good fortune and being overjoyed for each of them; I couldn't help but feel a touch of selfish nostalgia for those days in my own past.

Beyond my other frailties, it now began to occur to me that I was no longer needed as a guide in their lives and must relegate myself ever more to the sidelines.  I also realized that much of what they will be experiencing and looking forward to in the days and years ahead are those now far behind me.  The joys of taking a house and making it your own, the wonder of watching your children miraculously change almost daily, and the glow of the world around you when you're in love now things I remember rather than experience.  They have now become things that are theirs to know.  This is not to say that any of these things were altogether unknown to me, but that as each day passes, their likelihood of recurrence diminishes.

For those of you who have not yet had such a realization thrust upon you, let me tell you that it can indeed be earth shattering.  Prior experiences of offspring graduations or even a first grandchild that you believe have prepared you for the inevitability of this process, in fact do nothing to brace you for the stunning impact of this terrible realization when it comes. Neither will looking in the mirror, since no matter what face it is that you believe is looking back at you, it's not the one that the rest of the world sees.

I suppose that over time this new perspective will also begin to fit itself into the greater consciousness of my life, but I suspect that it will do so only slowly and  grudgingly.  For through those rose colored glasses, I still see myself as the incurable romantic; the white knight seeking noble causes to follow, ready to right any wrong, and ever-hopeful of rescuing the fair maiden.  Then of course I see a number on the scale that makes me believe that I must be wearing armor all the time these days, my knees begin to creek as I take on the only quest I'm capable of ... a journey to the kitchen seeking out a snack, and I remember that while the fair young maiden may be seeking a white knight, the color she longs for is supposed to in the uniform and does not refer to that of his hair or beard.  

Perhaps my attitude will improve with the approach to Christmas.  Not only is the resemblance its seemingly lovable character far closer; but if I play my cards right, I may even find someone who is not all that young and nowhere near a maiden interested in sitting in my lap as she tells me how good she's been in the last years (which is OK even if she's lying). 

(Wait, was Santa ever portrayed in a suit of armor?  Nah ......) 

Yep, it really is Hell getting old ....

                                            

Such A Sentimental Scmuck

(I know that the weekend rant is a bit late this weekend, but some of this is harder to write that others.)

For those of you hormonally imbalanced from eating leftover Halloween candy or too charged with adrenaline from the election results to notice, it has officially become the Holiday season.  While many may complain that Thanksgiving gets a rather short shrift in this process, I don't find the couple of weeks accorded to a turkey and the Pilgrims a big problem on our way to the fat guy with a white beard taking center state (and no, the personal resemblance has nothing to do with this attitude .... at least as far as you know).

In fact, I choose to lump this multiple holiday period together into one big "happy happy time" of over-the-top emotions that must be fought with all of the strength that a over weight, gray-haired, stogie-smoking Curmudgeon possesses.  After all, the kids are grown and moved away (and the fact that I did as much or more of the moving is besides the point), the grand kids went where the kids did (which for some reason they tend to do), and there is no significant other currently in my life.  (This last of course, is a subject on which a posting of its own could be written, but that would in fact be another post and not this one.)  So as the holiday season comes into full bloom, it's my hand on the TV remote, with none to complain or compete when it comes to channel selection.  As the title of this post suggests, this mastery of my digital world inevitably lead down a path of sentimental pap.

Because in spite of what I at least would consider my nature, I have found myself increasingly and surprisingly dialed in on offerings from the Hallmark Channel.  Unlike many other networks who have long abandoned the callings of their network names in favor of low-budget, no-plot reality shows, the Hallmark Channel has remained true to delivering a product in keeping with their line of cards (you know, sentimental crap for all occasions).  We are not talking about Cecil B DeMille cinematic efforts of legendary proportion here, but the made-for-TV movies that these are the offspring of.  What we see are TV sitcom stars whose careers apparently disappeared when their shows departed returning for efforts in the way they used to for "Love Boat" episodes.  All of which are obviously being filmed in Canada with the same cast of supporting players as every other Hallmark movie (and a lot of the non-network dramas) because it's cheaper to film in Vancouver, BC than in NYC in spite of the fact that the exchange rate has gone the other way.  The generate a suprising number of offerings with a small book of cookie cutter plots that though formulaic, have not completely lost their appeal.

There are no car crashes except tragic ones that lead to lost loved ones, and no car chases except those to reach an airport or train station before a newly-found or rediscovered loved one departs.  There is little violence and less nudity, though the actors are certainly still attractive enough to pull it off.  There's always a hint of comedy and a dose of drama on which these tales are based; with the supposed cliffhanger ending being one in which everyone in the the fictional community (and the audience) knows that the star-crossed lovers are going to reunite before they do.  In other words it's schmaltz, pure and simple.

And yet it serves its purpose in this crazy world of ours today.  This is the entertainment the way most of us my age remember it.  It's where family is everything and the good guys always wins.  It's where the right guy gets the girl, and where love and the holiday spirit always triumph.  Now most of us today are going into a period where we may not be able to be with our families that way that we'd like, where holidays are often a time of greater stress, and where being alone is simply something that must be borne.  Aren't these times where such diversions are the true meaning of entertainment?  While the knowledge is ever-present that the world can be a bad place and is certainly not as simple as stories we love to watch, isn't their very presence something that helps to give us a little hope and the strength to go on?  Isn't an underlying belief in their positive nature something that we hope lies at the heart of every one of us?  For even if the world cannot be the these movies portray, isn't it still necessary for us to believe so?

And so as the Holiday Season begins, you will have to forgive me my occasional retreat into "Good Witch" marathons and the all-day Christmas specials already playing in this Norman Rockwell cable TV world.  It's hard enough to face today's all-too-harsh realities without allowing one's self to be occasionally diverted by such optimistic fiction.  It may be true that underneath this cranky old, stogie smoking Curmudgeon is in fact another one that's even worse; but apparently somewhere deep underneath all of that lies little more that another Sentimental Schmuck.     

Taking A Holiday

Contrary to popular belief, this isn't how I type

I was torn about how to go about telling the rather twisted, but exceptionally loyal readership of "Just Blowing Smoke" that the editorial staff of this blog recently voted unanimously to take the entire month of July off (especially since it's seldom that any two of them agree on anything).  

Not that it's particularly surprising to me that this group would vote itself a month long holiday, but that's only because I know what slackers they can be when they set their minds to it.  This is the United States of America however (It is, isn't it?), so taking the advice of friends and advisers, I put my foot down (very gently, as I remember) and told them that we needed to limit their shenanigans to a two week period.    

Even at that, my greatest concern with such a break was over having to unlock both the attic Command Center of the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security, and the smaller room in which the lexicographers of the "SOS Dictionary" work with quill and parchment. The ramifications of such an event were so grave that I even seriously considered issuing a 'Terror Alert' without the permission of the DJBSS, knowing the damage that could be realized by turning these hooligans loose on a largely unsuspecting public (not to mention the potential legal actions).  In the end, a decision was made not to issue such an alert, figuring that like Adam Sandler movies, the public-at-large usually gets what it deserves.  We have collected all available liquid assets however (no, not the booze, but the few coins lying about in the sofa cushions), in case we need bail money.

I did want to make sure that we set a specific time frame for this holiday, in the hopes that we wouldn't lose those of you who have been loyally following this site for some time now.  So as we take a break here beginning with July 1st, a return to what constitutes a normal schedule (a word I always hesitate to use regarding this blog) will occur with a new posting on Wednesday, July 18th.  During the interim, one can only hope that the staff manages to recharge their batteries, stay out of jail, and rediscover some of the very limited talent and writing ability that they once had (skills which have diminished significantly since the last such break).  If nothing else, they will hopefully return with a greater enthusiasm than they appear to be exhibiting lately. (No matter how hard we tried, we never seemed to get the staff to buy into "the beatings will continue until morale improves" program that we instituted.)

Knowing this group, it's unlikely that they would have been able to take the entire month off anyway, and that they will gladly return in a couple of weeks; broke, hung over, and grateful to return to the safety of their respective enclaves.  It's possible however that while even this brief holiday lasts, some subject will come up that demands a timely response.  Since I myself don't expect to be leaving headquarters during this period (are you kidding, with that mob out there), I may try to cobble something together on my own in such an event (such efforts normally producing a great deal of amusement for the rest of the staff); so feel free to check in from time to time during this couple of weeks. 

In the meantime, I hope that you find enjoyable pursuits (but not too enjoyable) to substitute for this regrettable but necessary absence.  The smoking lamp is now officially lit, so smoke 'em if you got 'em.

4th of July - 2011

It's the eve of the Fourth of July, but I find myself in anything but a mood to celebrate as I write this. For it seems that even this holiday has become a caricature of celebration. Few enjoying their 3-day weekend know or remember that we celebrate this day as 'The National Holiday' because it's the anniversary of the publishing of the Declaration of Independence.  

(Not, as some would like to believe the signing. My own historical research concludes that fewer than 34 of the 56 who would eventually sign the document did so on July 4th, or even in July.) 

So while I look forward to rousing Sousa marches played live with flawless precision (or previously recorded and carefully broadcast) so as to be in perfect synchronization with lavish pyrotechnic displays; this enthusiasm is tempered by the disgust that I feel over the 'Independence Day' sales going on everywhere from the local mattress store to J C Penney. While stirred by the postings of fellow bloggers expressing patriotic sentiments in exemplary prose, it's tempered by the self-serving efforts in the Mainstream Media that are designed as much to promote some celebrities latest album, book, or movie as to inspire national fervor; forcing me to change the channel in order to keep down my latest meal. 

As for the government that was took its first steps with the writing of this document, I believe that the signers would have trouble recognizing it. Perhaps only those who sought to relieve themselves from the oppressive burden of government could truly understand what a sad mess we've made of their efforts 235 years ago. Confiscation of property (whether through taxation or eminent domain), selective enforcement of laws legitimately passed by the legislature, and a ruling elite who believe that they are better than those they were intended to serve; these were the things that they sought to escape ... not perpetrate. 

As for where that government finds itself financially, if the wisest of them were able to come to grips with the concept of a trillion dollars, I dare say that the idea of whether the government ought to have a limit of $14 or $16 trillion in debt would be beyond their comprehension. Incredulity as well, would be their reaction to the concept that the United States is obligated to the world's policeman and peacekeeper when no one else in the world seems to be willing or able to pay little more than lip service to such concepts. They would find the questionable legality of such a concept is as ludicrous as it is laughable. 

And lest my lack of enthusiasm for many of the recent US adventures around the world be confused with a lack of patriotism, I think that those who placed themselves in personal jeopardy would understand that my support for troops serving around the world cannot be judged by a demand that I buy into the current brand of nation-building in places far removed from these United States.

For I have come to the conclusion on this most important of National Holidays that I am every bit the Patriot, though I may not be so in a way not traditionally defined as such. "My country right or wrong!" ... Yes and no. Yes, this is my country and I am proud of it. Not right or wrong however. The Founders knew well that it's the right and obligation of true Patriots not to accept the actions of government that they consider incorrect or unjust merely because they are 'national policy'. They should be standing firmly against such oppressive incursions whenever they occur. 

It's likewise time to recognize that partisan debate is not only good, but Patriotic. This country was founded on the idea that other points of view might have value and should be vigorously debated, and defended by those who hold them. Compromise is not a good in itself, nor is it Patriotic. Where such compromise is reached it, its judgment must be able to stand on its own. Conceding ground, political or otherwise, is not something intrinsically of value. Agreeing to disagree and setting an issue aside for a time must return to the political discourse as a viable option. 

Neither is it Patriotic that fairness be striven for as a goal, except in opportunity. It is far too difficult a concept to grasp, and like beauty, resides in the eye of the beholder. As for government-mandated fairness; it's time that we recognized that such a term is an oxymoron. The heavy hand of government is far too blunt an instrument to perform such a task, unless the goal that we're seeking is an equilibrium that's unfair to all. 

Let me finally say that the Cynic in me likewise sees no value in flag-waving and crocodile tears over the National Anthem for some of the once-a-year Patriots that come out on the 4th. Don't belittle those who won't wear a Red, White, and Blue T-shirt with message that you approve of in observance. Don't insist they wave a flag where and when you want them to in order to show a belief in the United States of America. Don't challenge them to put something on their Facebook page or attend an event of your choosing in order to prove their patriotism to you. Such politically correct patriotism is an offense to the term. 

The Patriotism of the 4th of July is ultimately about taking a principled stand, even if it disagrees with those around you.

Take your own stand, and have a great 4th of July!

Labor Day Conflict

I had been putting forth considerable effort in the last week in training for a new career, so I was more than little grateful yesterday with the realization that there would be a three day weekend to recharge my batteries. (I was also feeling a little smug over the timing of this mini vacation, in spite of the fact that I had little or nothing to do with it.) 


Recognizing that 'there is no such thing as a free lunch' however, I could not help but realize that there would invariably be a price to pay for the fortunate circumstance of my first paid work holiday. The bill didn't take long to show up. You see, the joy of this short furlough from my labors made me curious as to their cause (and curiosity is normally a dangerous thing). 


As with I am sure many of you out there, I had long taken the concept of a "Labor Day" weekend for granted. As kids, Labor Day traditionally marked the end of summer vacation and the beginning of school. While schools around the country can now begin a little earlier or later depending on the vagaries of state attendance requirements (and since most of those in government education camps are no longer required to work the harvest with their parents), the necessity of reducing the costs of climate control for their buildings, and the prognostications of weather guessers as to how many bad weather days will be required during the school year; most openings still closely mirror in some way this three day weekend. 


It is also the traditional weekend for the closing of outdoor swimming pools in much of the country, in spite of the fact that often there is still plenty of warm weather to follow. Like the opening of school, this was a heartfelt tragedy of youth for many of us, as swimming pools were both a source of entertainment and a summer refuge for many us. As we grew older, these sites even became educational; as we gradually began to recognize the necessity social networking (though we just called it 'hanging out with our friends' at the time) and the increasing hormonal challenges that were eventually presented by a burgeoning maturity. I had never bothered then, nor do I recollect ever being taught at the time, what it was that the actual holiday symbolized. 


Having opened this Pandora's Box however, I was now bound to perform the research (and write about it). Now according to the definitive (but sometimes questionable) source Wikipedia, Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894, with legislation rushed through Congress a mere six days after the ending of the Pullman Strike (back when Congress didn't rush most of the legislation that it writes through). 


The idea apparently was to create a holiday as a peace offering to labor unions that had suffered mistreatment and death at the hands of the military and US Marshalls during this strike. The September date was chosen apparently, in order to prevent potential confusion with the May Day (or International Workers Day) celebrations; which not only carried overt Communist connotations, but carried the additional baggage of commemorating the violence that erupted during yet another labor strike and demonstration, the Haymarket Affair of 1886. 


The bottom line here apparently, is that the holiday that we are all currently enjoying was manufactured by the federal government as a way of distancing itself from the abuse that it had committed in the name of, and as a small punishment to the 'big business' interests that it far too often finds itself under the thumb of. It was likewise seen as a sop to the labor movement in this country that it alternately and frequently finds itself in the same position with. (This is the kind of distasteful and tainted process that makes Hallmark's avaricious efforts at holiday creation seem almost saintly by comparison.) 


Now I have made no secret of my opinions of the labor movement in the past, but one cannot help but concede at least a modicum of sympathy to union labor in this case. While I am sure that not all of the actions perpetrated by striking workers were laudable and that a close examination of the facts at the time would find plenty of fodder for recriminations on both sides, one cannot help but be sympathetic (and even to admire) those willing to be injured or even killed while standing up for their beliefs and what they felt were their rights. 


Much like the contention from which it was born, I cannot help but feel conflicting emotions as I enjoy the rest and respite provided as a result of this Labor Day holiday. While certainly appreciative of the short breather provided by this holiday, I am disdainful of the concept of celebrating organized labor at a time when we force two of what are considered this country's most famous presidents to share a holiday. While I am more than willing to accept the temporary ease provided to write this piece, I must admit to feelings of remorse at its source. 


Perhaps I should instead acknowledge the guilty pleasure of an unasked for gift from the hands of my oft-stated enemy, accept it as a form of absolution for the embarrassed confession that I make here, and simply enjoy what promises to be a gorgeous weekend here in the Kansas City area. Then again, that might be doing too much work ...

Thanksgiving Banned (?)

This another is a series of public service posts on holidays here in the United States. The first of these, Ban Halloween, sought to warn the public of the dangers on both sides of the problem to a bunch of costume wearing candy beggars. Today however, we take on a more serious issue, Thanksgiving.

Warning: Be aware that considerable irony and sarcasm will follow! 

Thanksgiving is the holiday traditionally celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. It commemorates three days of feasting by early colonists to this country who after nine weeks of voyaging from Plymouth, England ended up in Plymouth, Massachusetts (coincidence, I think not). Having barely survived their first winter in this new land, they chose to celebrate that following fall. It is, in fact a tradition never repeated by them after the original gathering in 1621. 


Of course basing a holiday on a celebration by old white people seems doomed on the face of it, especially when one considers the recent treatment of our Founding Fathers. Neither can I find any great need to celebrate the traditions of the same people who gave us the sham trials and witch burnings in Salem, MA only some 70 years later. If this were not enough, Thanksgiving was in fact considered a religious holiday, its original purpose allowing these colonists to thank GOD for bringing them through the previous winter. What's more, the religious nature of this celebration involved thanking only a Christian God; ignoring the practices of any other religion. 


How anyone can therefore consider having a national holiday with religious overtones that ignores the cultural and religious diversity that has become so dear to the ruling elite is simply beyond me? Consider if you will as well, that while neighboring Native Americans (the Waupanoag tribe) were the architects of this colony's survival and were invited to that original celebration; that these same Native Americans were, like most others in this country, later chased from their homes and the greater part of their lands by the very greedy colonists that they saved ... hardly something to commemorate with pride. 


If this typical treatment by a European, white, invading population were not enough to see this practice ended once and for all, consider if you will the treatment of Turkeys as the centerpiece of the menu on this so-called day of thanksgiving. Turkeys, for those of you who didn't know, were once very close to being the national symbol of the United States. They even found support in this effort by Founding Father Benjamin Franklin, the eagle being considered little more than a glorified vulture by this early patriot. While perhaps not the brightest of birds, the turkey nevertheless can offer a great display and a substance that it produces (tryptophan), induces the need to sleep in humans. (Come to think of it, turkeys seem a lot like politicians, don't they?) How then can any holiday be celebrated by the murder, butchering, and consumption of such a national icon (turkeys I mean, not politicians)? 


And they are not alone! Along with turkey, many families in this country will serve goose, duck, and even ham (another political reference?) at these celebratory meals. How can PETA stand idly by as thousands of our animal friends are disposed of (probably inhumanely) in the name of a holiday devoted to "thanks" in this country? Is this in fact how we choose to celebrate the bounty of Mother Nature? 


The only redeeming thing that this holiday may in fact offer is that it was created as a national holiday in 1863 by progressive political hero President Abraham Lincoln. Other than that, the only thing that it has going for it is its stimulation of a depressed airline industry as the largest travel holiday of the year, that it provides a platform for the non-stop watching of parades and football games on television (providing yet further opportunity for laziness and gluttony), and of course that it is followed by "Black Friday" the traditional opening day of Christmas consumerism. 


We must therefore ask ourselves; what in the end is the Thanksgiving holiday in this country about? It appears to this writer as nothing more than a celebration of racism, gluttony (not to mention obesity), and the murder of our fellow creatures on the planet. As such, it has no place in the caring, politically correct, and progressive society that we apparently long to become. And so I say to those of you choosing to celebrate tomorrow with family and friends, gathering around a table to once more give thanks in 2009 (a year that may have less reasons than many to do so):

"Save me one of those drumsticks, will ya?"

Happy Thanksgiving

Valentines Day ... Humbug

Being a Curmudgeon sometimes carries terrible responsibilities, and one of them is bursting the bubble on the humbug that society often perpetrates on itself. Today's particular bit of nonsense the day's Hallmark Holiday, more commonly known as Valentine's Day.  

Originally known as St Valentine's Day, it was a celebration of the Catholic martyrs born on this day. The holiday was rather confusing however, as the Catholic Church originally recognized eleven St Valentines, only two of whom were given homage on February 14th. It seems even more confusing to me today however (and particularly ironic) that a holiday originally designed to celebrate a Roman Catholic priest (Valentine of Rome) and a Catholic bishop (Valentine of Terni), both of whom were sworn to celibacy, are honored with a day of secular romance.

Others trace the holiday and its rituals to the pagan worship of Juno, the Roman goddess of love and marriage, which seems to make more sense (if you take off the whole Sainthood part). Like many other pagan holidays, it is said that they and their practices were simply co-opted by the early Catholic Church, to be used for their own means on this calendar date. I will not continue to bore you with the history of the holiday through the ages; but will however let you know that it did manage to survive through the Middle Ages and had evolved into the practice of giving cards by the 19th Century, with North America following England in doing so. 

The first commercially mass produced cards in the US were in fact credited to around 1847 in Massachusetts. Of course one of the most famous of St Valentine's Days, was that of 1929 when six members of the George "Bugs" Moran gang and Dr. Reinhardt Schwimmer were gunned down in a Chicago garage in the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre". The primary target, Bugs Moran, managed to be absent from the event and survived many more St. Valentine's Days to die of cancer in 1957. Credit for the "hit" was given to Al Capone and his henchmen, but no one was actually convicted of the crime. Al himself, in a further irony of the holiday, died of cardiac arrest in 1947 likely linked to Syphilis (a sexually transmitted disease) that he had contracted years before.  

Today however, anyone showing up with nothing more than a card (or heaven forbid, a machine gun) in hand will likely receive a chilly reception. Like many other a gift-giving holiday, consumerism has captured the true spirit of the day. Candy, teddy bears, lingerie (pajamas for those of you of a less libidinous inclination), flowers, and dinner are now considered the expected minimum offerings to a loved one. Anyone with true feelings romance on this day however, will cough up the big bucks for jewelry or a car (nothing says love like a new pickup truck, after all). 

And once again, we allow the peddlers of the world to turn romance into a the opportunity for obscene profit, while the gullible lover is backed into a corner where the only path to demonstrating true affection is one which leads to considerable debt. Now just to prove that I am not entirely without a heart where this day is concerned (no jokes about conservatives here please), I must point out that I got married for the first time on Valentine's Day. I am sure that there are some cynics out there who might say that I did so, not out of a true sense of romance; but in a devious effort to save myself from having to buy jewelry that year, and from the future burdens of both a Valentines Day and Anniversary present every year after (but who would believe that I could be that clever). 

In the spirit of full faith and disclosure, I will also point out that I admitted to that first marriage date early in my relationship to my 2nd wife, thereby eliminating Valentines Day as a romantic holiday. (She didn't want to celebrate the anniversary of my first marriage, go figure ...) I must also admit that I have been single for the last eight years, reducing the number of romantic holidays that I have been required to celebrate (and the fact that I am getting old and fat can have no bearing on this, I'm sure).

I'm sorry to say that I will be without romantic entanglement again this year on Valentine's Day, but take some consolation in the fact that I will also not be caught up in the mindless consumerism that the day has become. Besides, I consider myself an incurable romantic (you could tell from this posting, right?), and that means that having to limit myself to the expression of affection on a single day would simply be incomprehensible. In fact, I would have to say that anyone who places all of their romantic eggs in this one basket can make no such similar claim. I will go even further and say that any man who only shows that he cares on Valentines Day is no man at all, and any relationship which requires a day to remind two people of the love and affection that they feel for each other is probably doomed already.

I will therefore call out this Hallmark Holiday for what it is, a travesty ill used to celebrate what true romance is all about; and a weak excuse to firm up the bottom lines of candy makers, jewelers and florists. It has therefore become, in my humble opinion, little more than humbug.

On that note, Happy Valentines Day to one and all ...