Father's Day 2013

Today's effort consists of some information that I've previously passed along, but on this of all day's I believe that they are worth sharing again ...

In remembering Father's Day, I must painfully recall that in 2007 my own father passed away. His health had been failing for some time; but in spite of the difficulty in attempting to doing so, one of the things he still liked to take part (or at least to feel that he was taking part) in the maintenance of his home and yard. Such care had always been a source of great joy and pride for him, and on which he simply refused give up the his interest in it.

When his medical condition had finally reached a point that he was tethered to an oxygen system full time, he was (however reluctantly) forced to surrender some level of control in this process. By then such care involved my mother trimming the edges of the yard with a self-driven push mower. My nephew Patrick had acquired the requisite skills for operation of the riding mower some time since, took on the responsibilities for the bulk of the yard. This system of lawn care had been going on for a couple of years and was by now a well established routine, with my father still participating in a limited supervisory and equipment maintenance role.

In the spring following his passing, the lawn, unaware and uncaring of the changes in the household, did what it was supposed to do and grew quickly. Before anyone had quite realized it, this grass was in terrible need of a trim. Taking the bull by the horns, my mother stepped forward to perform her part of the required labors by trimming around the edges of the yard. Patrick likewise soon appeared to take on his well-rehearsed role in lawn care. This is where the real story begins.

Now the riding mower had not been run since the leaf pick up of that previous fall, and Patrick was unsure of the proper procedures to get it started after its abbreviated winter slumber, as his grandfather had normally instructed him in such situations. Stymied, he questioned my mother for potential answers to his problem with a potentially stubborn piece of lawn care equipment. Now my mother is a talented women, but basic lawn mower mechanics has never been a part of them. The riding mower had in fact always intimidated her, and she had long ago made it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with it (hence Patrick's responsibilities). It was therefore not surprising that she had no advice to offer him.

In an amazingly short period of time however, the full-throated roar of that mower was heard from the garage, and Patrick was soon after making his way around the yard. He completed his work on the yard that day with remarkable alacrity and departed immediately afterward, without a word to his grandmother before leaving. His hasty departure and lack of communication went without comment at the time. They were however, duly explained a couple of days later when my sister called to fill my mother in on the "rest of the story".

It seems that as Patrick stood in the garage, scratching his head over a solution to his dilemma and completely at a loss as to how to proceed, clearly heard the voice my father from right next to him say, "Pull the choke out and start the mower".

Never questioning it for a moment, he simply did as he was told, and the mower immediately caught. Though a suitable resolution to his problem had been achieved, Patrick was more than a little distressed over how he had reached it. Worried that he might be asked for an explanation and fearing my mother's sensitivity to the issue, he kept silent, working with dispatch and departing as quickly as he was able. It was only some time later in the comfort of home and parents, that he was finally able to relate what had occurred.

Now anyone who knew my father knew that he was never a terribly spiritual person publicly, and was normally unresponsive when questioned about his thoughts on such things. He was however a good husband, a loving parent and grandparent, and most importantly ... a well recognized master of all things technical. There were very few things that he set his mind to repairing or improving in which he was not capable of achieving success (as his many years and recognized expertise in the printing industry showed).

He was also someone who was never afraid to share that mastery of all things mechanical with his spouse and offspring of every generation at every available opportunity (many times without even being asked). It therefore seems only fitting (and hardly surprising), that he should find a way to make his presence felt in such a situation when the need arose.

As for my personal take on the story, knowing my nephew Patrick to be a young gentleman of quality and good character, I choose simply take him at his word. If he believes that it happened this way, then I believe it as well. I am also quite happy and relieved to believe that my father is out there somewhere keeping an eye on the family that he so loved (not that I ever really doubted it).

I for one, can use all of the help that I can get...

Speaking of which, while I've never been able to claim anything in the way of parental skills myself, I'd like to think that I've at least been able to pass on to the three I call my own children something of the wisdom that was given to me.  I've shared it here before, and my hope is that I will continue to pass it on where it can do the most good until the day I achieve room temperature: 

*  Honesty is the best policy, even if your only reward is that of self-respect.
*  Your word is your bond and everything else is just society's crap.
*  Your reputation is the only thing that you truly possess in life, so make sure you protect it fiercely and every time it's challenged. 
*  If you work hard it will be rewarded, even if that reward is nothing more that knowing that you did your best.
*  You will, if you're lucky, make mistakes in life that will provide important lessons.  They are rarely permanent however; and it's usually easier to fix them than to admit to them.

Happy Father's Day!

 

 

Father's Day 2012

As like you, I gaze at this picture of my father reading one of these postings shortly before his passing, I realized it might be time to take up the still rather painful subject of Father's Day once again. Sitting down to write a bit on the subject is not easy, though there are certainly a number of things running around in the empty space between my ears (an area that scientists have in fact called as close to a perfect vacuum as they have ever seen).  Since it's a subject that I haven't taken up with original material in a couple of years, it's certainly one long overdue for such treatment. 

Dad's are important after all, in spite of the fact that Father's Day is for most of the nation little more than a second tier holiday.  It's certainly one without the stature and hype of Mother's Day (though it's still enough of a holiday to warrant its own mattress sales).  Ties sales leading up to it are not nearly what flower sales are for that of its female gender comparative (probably because ties have seen similar decrease in primacy ... another sad victim of the practice of 'Casual Friday' that has become 'Casual Every Day'). 

It used to be famous however, as the day on which the Bell Telephone company made fortune from having more collect long distance calls made than on any other day, though like Ma Bell that's mostly disappeared since the advent of cell phone packages. (That's right, go ahead and think about it for a minute and the reason will come to you.)  For me, the subject and the holiday take on three separate aspects that I suppose I need to address if this is to be a proper effort.  

The first has to do with the parents that my children have become.  I could not be any prouder of the father that my step-son Joe Highman has become with the three that he calls his own.  The testament to his (though I should perhaps say their) skills are the results that have produced with his wife Laura where Michael, Madeleine, and Andrew are concerned.  It therefore cannot go without saying that the natural pride of a grandparent in three pretty good looking and outstanding young people is doubled and redoubled in the recognition of the parenting skills of one who I once considered a child.   

My son-in-law Jim Demaria has likewise proved himself an able and loving parent.  With my daughter Laura, they have produced a couple of young ladies attractive enough to no doubt give their parents fits in the years ahead when dating begins.  These two grand-offspring are likewise a tribute (and because Jim is a professional photographer and documentary film maker, a well documented tribute) to the parenting skills of two very busy parents.  Their children are two very young people who will go far in life because of the upbringing that they continue to be provided with.

As for my son Sean ... while the only one of my offspring without any of his own, he is usually the beloved favorite of all his nephews and nieces; and seems to find endless amusement in their entertainment.  The talent therefore seems to be present, whether he chooses some day to use it in his own life or not.

The second aspect naturally enough, has to do with a look back on the parent that I have been in my life.  Now I have often believed that there were a number of skills that I possessed, but I can't recall that parenting was ever one of them. (Dancing was another skill in which I was totally lacking, but that's a tale for another day.)  I'm sure that such feelings are natural enough in any of us, and that there is a genetic component involved in feeling that we have somehow never done enough where our offspring are concerned.  In my case however, I found myself wrapped up in a career which now seems all but meaningless instead of in their lives the way I wish I had been.  I was likewise far too often checking up on them from a hotel room hundreds of miles away instead of tucking them in at night.  

I allow myself no excuses for my own lack of diligence in this critical part of my personal responsibilities; but gladly give due credit to the three good women involved with my children's upbringing. (As well as my two wives, I also acknowledge the influence of my own mother on them, especially on Sean and Laura in their early years.)  Again I point to the results of the efforts of these three women (that being three children that I couldn't be more proud of), who took up the slack from my slacking.  While I still don't see any of my progeny as much as I would like to, that I retain a good relationship with all of them remains a source of both relief and pride for me.  

No discussion of fatherhood would of course be complete unless I spoke of my own, one in which I was truly blessed.  I was raised by man who knew a life of responsibility and self-reliance, and did his best to pass it on to me.  In spite of spending most of my younger days working 3rd shift, he was still able to find the time to show me how to throw and catch a baseball or football (as much as my skills would allow anyway), how to cast a fishing line (without throwing the pole into the lake like some sisters I know), how to tune up a car (at least before they put computers on them), and how to build or fix damn near anything that I would ever need in life.  

Not having settled for providing more than the normal parental responsibilities, he went on to mentor and apprentice me in an industry in which he was a world-recognized expert.  Having presented me with the tools to earn my place in life, he went on later to open even more doors for me; becoming a co-worker, manager, and a unreachable goal of accomplishment to set my sights on.  No one was a more demanding task master, a more discriminating critic, and a more fierce advocate.  Though not perhaps a demonstrably affectionate man where I was concerned, there was never any question in my life as to the fierce love that was always there.   

As I write this morning in fact, I find myself all too keenly and painfully acknowledging the conversations that we can no longer have.

So it seems fitting that should once again end an effort on Father's Day with some of the wisdom that I believe he taught me, that I have shared here before, and that hopefully I too have passed on where it can do the most good: 

*  That honesty is the best policy, even if your only reward is that of self-respect.

*  That your word is your bond and everything else is just society's crap.

*  That your reputation is the only thing that you truly possess in life, so make sure you protect it. 

*  That if you work hard it will be rewarded, even if that reward is nothing more that knowing that you did your best.

*  That you will make mistakes in life, but they are rarely permanent; and that it's usually easier to fix them than to admit to them.

         Happy Father's Day!

June Terror Alert: DADS

June is already fast upon us, and while the heat of summer begins to climb, the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security (DJBSS) continues in its tireless efforts to root out potential terrorists threats in this nation. (Though personally I think they're happy to stay locked in their Command Center since we had a new air conditioning unit installed last week.)   And while they continue to be given little in the way of credit for what many consider to be nonsensical labors at best (and even less in terms of financial remuneration), most concede that their efforts have thus far proven as effective, if not more, as threat protection for this nation than their TSA 'mall cop' counterparts at airports around the country.

The threat assessment slipped out from under the locked door of their Command Center today (an attic room that we keep them locked in for their own protection, as well as ours) is indeed a serious one, and not particularly surprising if you remember that for May. While I was hoping that any danger recognized by the DJBSS would hold off at least long enough for me to celebrate my Irish Twin's birthday; it was obvious once I had read the Cheetos-stained Post-it note that proper notification of the general public was essential.  In fact, with Father's Day just a week away their effort is a particularly timely one indeed, warning of the annual appearance of a rather despicable group of ne'er do wells ... DADS.  

Obviously we're not talking about the wise and loving male progenitors that we've long come to know from TV's "Father Knows Best" or "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" (Did anyone else ever wonder about the ramifications of  Eddie's father also being the Hulk?), nor can we really be said to be speaking about the equally loving but far more sarcastic versions typified in "The Cosby Show" or even "Home Improvement".  In fact these reproductive reprobates may be the only people on the planet with less or worse parenting skills that the Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen characters on the original "Two and a Half Men".  

Disinterested Adolescent sperm Donors Society are in fact members a group of malicious malefactors almost as amazing as they are detestable.  One is never certain whether to be more  astonished in the proof that they possess the required hardware necessary for the reproductive act to be consummated, or appalled that they've somehow they've convinced a member of what's usually the more intelligent gender of the species to participate in any act that might result in offspring. 

Often calling their erstwhile partners "baby mommas", they seem as concerned about the results of sharing their seed with these unfortunate females as they would in sharing the flu.  (Not surprising, exposure to these "baby daddies" can result in flu-like symptoms for those involved that include: a light fever, general nausea, upset stomach, vomiting, and diarrhea.)  No one knows what dangers long-term exposure to these double-dealing frauds might result in, as they seldom remain around long enough with the woman in question to provide the option for study.

While these DADS call themselves adolescents, they in fact come in all ages, with the descriptive term having apparently more to do with their inability to grow up and take adult (let alone parental) responsibility for their procreative activities.  And while many feel that DADS cannot be counted on for anything, the facts show that they can usually be counted on to contribute little of nothing in the way of financial support or to participate little if at all in the raising of their often scattered offspring.

Perhaps the only positive that they contribute to posterity is through their standard practice of abandonment, which provides the best hope that none of these traits will be passed on to their male descendants.  Raised in single mother homes (often with the support of other family members) or as part of a later amorous relationship on the part of the mother, the best hope of these children is that the contributor of half of their genetic code will remain long forgotten.   

DADS can be easily identified by:

*  An ego greater than would be expected based on their appearance or intelligence
*  An inflated belief in their sexual prowess
*  An expensive wardrobe or car (usually purchased with money they refused to spend on the support of their offspring)
*  A reticence to speak about family, especially with regards to children
*  A tendency to denigrate the women with which they were in previous relationships with  
*  The number of phone calls they receive from irate women at all hours of the day and night

Since DADS are not so much of a threat as they are a scourge and a taint on the principles of respectable fatherhood, the terror threat for June will therefore only be raised to Yellow.  The DJBSS wanted to use Brown to properly call out these shits (not to be confused with SHITS), but instead settled on the only color which properly describes the cowardice exhibited by these bastards (pun intended) with respect to their parental responsibilities.

Father's Day 2011

Since this weekend is when Father's Day is celebrated, and since I am both a father and a grandfather, I decided to take a bit of the weekend off. Now some may say that this is because in spite of all that's going on in the world, I could come up with nothing worthy of a weekend post or was simply too damn lazy to write one (and there could be a kernel of truth in such an accusation). I would say however, that in looking back in the Just Blowing Smoke archives, I discovered a post from 2008 on this same holiday that bears some repeating. Though the statistics cited are now three years out of date, I suspect that I would be safe in saying that things have only gotten worse in the intervening period. So without further comment, I present it and them for your edification.

---------------------------------

I didn't want to do a post on this subject for a variety of reasons, but it seems that everything that I see and everything that I am reading leads me back to the subject. Bowing therefore, to the apparent inevitability and karma of the situation I will touch on the subject of Fathers. This will not be however, one of those sappy, sentimental postings that call for tissues and a Hallmark card. Nor will I be regaling you with tales of my own father and what he meant to me. That particular wound is still healing and I refuse to pick at the scab too often. I will instead drop a little cold, hard truth on you about fathers (or the lack thereof).

• 50% of children born to married parents will suffer through their parents’ divorce by age 18.
• Almost 60% of black children, 32% of Hispanic children and 21% of white children are living in single-parent homes
• Children who live apart from their fathers will account for 40% of incarcerated adults, 63% of teen suicides, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71% of high-school dropouts, 75% of children in chemical-abuse centers, 80% of rapists, 85% of youths in prison, 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, and 90% of homeless and runaway children.
• About 8% of children in married-couple homes live at or below poverty level, while almost 40% of children in homes without fathers live below poverty level. The latter group risks a much higher incidence of serious child abuse or neglect.

And if that isn't enough to scare the bejeezus out of you, let me tell you that some of my recent reading tells me that it wasn't half as bad as this 10-15 years ago and that the situation seems to be getting worse almost exponentially. This dissolution of the basic family unit appears to be causing problems at every level of society. 


The education system, welfare system, and even the police departments of the US are being impacted directly by the lack of a father in far too many American families. This is no indictment of single mothers, who often operate in some of the most trying of circumstances; but more of the fathers who fail to care for the offspring that they produce. 


Now I have to tell you that I don't consider myself to be one of the best male parental units to have hit the planet. Like far too many fathers in society today, I was too wrapped up in the career that I was pursuing to have been there as much as I should have been. Even today, and though I have a very good relationship with my 3 children, I wish that I was able to spend more time with them. 


Fortunately for me, there were two very good women involved with their lives (their mother, and in case of the children from my first marriage their step-mother), and they were able to take up the slack from my slacking.



Something must have worked however, because I couldn't be happier or more proud about the way that the three of them turned out. On top of what their moms were able to do, maybe I was able to pass on some of what my father taught me:

• That honesty is the best policy, even if your only reward is that of self-respect.
• That your word is your bond and everything else is just society's nonsense.
• That if you work hard it will be rewarded, even if that reward is nothing more that knowing that you did your best.
• That you will make mistakes in life, but they are rarely permanent and that it's usually easier to fix them than to admit to them.

OK, enough already. I said that this wasn't going to be one of those sappy Hallmark postings and I meant it. Go call your Dad and wish him a Happy Father's Day!


Note: Thanks to the Patriot Post for the startling statistics on this issue.

Father's Day 2009

I tried to avoid writing a post on Father's Day (much like last year). While I consider it a "Hallmark Holiday", it is still too sensitive a subject for me to attempt to deal with. 

My efforts in this damned near succeeded. Instead of actually writing anything new this weekend however, I am going to refer you to the Father's Day posting that I grudgingly did last year. As I went back over it this year, I discovered that I really had nothing further to say on the subject.

I will actually be spending a good part of the weekend with my son Sean in Columbus, where we will undoubtedly participate in our own unique version of the father / son experience, something that I always look forward to.

I should also note (just for the giggles) that Father's Day will be competing in downtown Columbus with Gay Pride Weekend, so it promises to be an interesting (and diverse) visit. 

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day

I didn't want to do a post on this subject for a variety of reasons, but it seems that everything that I see and everything that I am reading leads me back to the subject. Bowing therefore, to the apparent inevitability and karma of the situation I will touch on the subject of Fathers. This will not be however, one of those sappy, sentimental postings that call for tissues and a Hallmark card. Nor will I be regaling you with tales of my own father and what he meant to me. That particular wound is still healing and I refuse to pick at the scab too often. I will instead drop a little cold, hard truth on you about fathers (or the lack thereof). 
 

• 50% of children born to married parents will suffer through their parents’ divorce by age 18.
• Almost 60% of black children, 32% of Hispanic children and 21% of white children are living in single-parent homes
• Children who live apart from their fathers will account for 40% of incarcerated adults, 63% of teen suicides, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71% of high-school dropouts, 75% of children in chemical-abuse centers, 80% of rapists, 85% of youths in prison, 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, and 90% of homeless and runaway children.
• About 8% of children in married-couple homes live at or below poverty level, while almost 40% of children in homes without fathers live below poverty level. The latter group risks a much higher incidence of serious child abuse or neglect.

And if that isn't enough to scare the bejeezus out of you, let me tell you that some of my recent reading tells me that it wasn't half as bad as this 10-15 years ago and that the situation seems to be getting worse almost exponentially. This dissolution of the basic family unit appears to be causing problems at every level of society. The education system, welfare system, and even the police departments of the US are being impacted directly by the lack of a father in far too many American families. This is no indictment of single mothers, who often operate in some of the most trying of circumstances; but more of the fathers who fail to care for the offspring that they produce.

Now I have to tell you that I don't consider myself to be one of the best male parental units to have hit the planet. Like far too many fathers in society today, I was too wrapped up in the career that I was pursuing to have been there as much as I should have been. Even today, and though I have a very good relationship with my 3 children, I wish that I was able to spend more time with them. Fortunately for me, there were two very good women involved with their lives (their mother, and in case of the children from my first marriage their step-mother), and they were able to take up the slack from my slacking.
Something must have worked however, because I couldn't be happier or more proud about the way that the three of them turned out. On top of what their moms were able to do, maybe I was able to pass on some of what my father taught me:
 

• That honesty is the best policy, even if your only reward is that of self-respect.
• That your word is your bond and everything else is just society's nonsense.
• That if you work hard it will be rewarded, even if that reward is nothing more that knowing that you did your best.
• That you will make mistakes in life, but they are rarely permanent and that it's usually easier to fix them than to admit to them.

OK, enough already. I said that this wasn't going to be one of those sappy Hallmark postings and I meant it. Go call your Dad and wish him a Happy Father's Day!
 
Note: Thanks to the Patriot Post for the startling statistics on this issue.