I wrote this post last night, but only this morning had the courage to post it. Please forgive the apparent time inconsistencies.
I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. At first I thought that it was simply a general feeling of listlessness and disgust for the choices of my fellow Toledo and Lucas County voters. Then I realized that it was the result of a "Three Dog-Rocket Night". For those of you who do not enjoy savoring a fine cigar, this is a term deriving from the Eskimo's 3-Dog night, a situation when it gets so cold that they sleep surrounded by 3 dogs to maintain their body heat. In the cigar version of this occurrence,(and I know you know what I mean out there Luke), it is when one who appreciates cigars makes the mistaken judgement that it would be OK to smoke 3 cigars while listening to election coverage (or for any other reason for that matter).
The result, no matter how many times you brush your teeth or gargle, is that you wake up with a taste in your mouth reminiscent of 3 dead dogs.
Knowing that my guilt over my own stupidity, and the bad mood that I was in as a consequence of my own misjudgement was affecting my thinking; I decided to wait to say anything regarding Tuesday's election.
As the day turned into evening, my mood (and the taste in my mouth) improved however. I began to collect my thoughts, get over my disappointments, and at last began to write. It was only then that I realized that like my choice in the quantity of cigars that I smoke, I may have this whole thing wrong (something that I often do). Perhaps the majority of the minority who actually voted knew something that I didn't, voted their well-informed conscience, and put us on the path to a brighter future.
That's it! The well educated, unbiased, and independent voters of Toledo and Lucas County realize that we are on the brink of an economic recovery of heroic proportions. Wages, property values, and the quality of life here are about to soar on an unparalleled scale. Money will be flowing like water from the waste treatment plant that the mayor spoke from today. The additional money that will be removed from our pockets from the 3 levies that passed will be insignificant compared with all of the money that will be coming our way.
The Board of Education has been on the right path all along, and we need only to give them the time to allow those practices produce the results in our schools that they were designed to do. Wow, we need to call the president and the press and make this joyous news public.
We have no right to keep such information from the American people. The market will soar, the dollar will improve, and our trade imbalance will disappear. My god, what relief to find that everything is going to be alright after all.
Wait a minute, this can't be right.
Sorry, feelings of euphoria momentarily overcame me. It must be the alcohol from the mouthwash. Please take all of the preceding as irony, or for those of you who never seem to understand irony ... never mind.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Love
I was so disheartened by yesterday's election that I decided to pass on the pleasure and pain of a post-election posting (at least that's my story so far). I decided instead to take on a totally unrelated subject. While part of this had to do with my despondency over the fact that I was unable to change the direction of the misguided choices that my fellow voters made. The rest was just was just my typically perverse nature, and desire to change the subject for no other reason than that I can. I therefore present the following completely unrelated, but equally mystifying topic for your edification:
One of the few things that I have given up trying to understand about Life is Love. (There are a lot of other ones, but if I told you all of them now, what would I post about in the future?) This is not to say that I am unacquainted with the subject. I have what I hope are loving relationships with my family, my children, and my grandchildren. I even think that I have been lucky enough to have "been in love" a couple of times in my life.
Even when I was in the midst of a situation where I thought that I was in love however, I have to say that I found myself completely confused most of the time. In this, I do not feel that I have been alone. As I am a voracious reader, I often seek the wisdom of those of a literary point of view on such weighty subjects.
Many of the best writers in history have attempted to say something on the subject and have done well, but invariably I find myself going back to a science-fiction book called "When Harley Was One" by David Gerrold (most fans of SF know him as the man who wrote the Star Trek episode 'The Trouble With Tribbles'). To paraphrase, he described it as a process with three stages:
1. The physical attraction between two people
2. The bond that grows, emotionally and sexually as they learn more about each other
3. The true loving relationship I also remember another line from the novel (which I have just discovered to my chagrin in writing this, that I have misplaced in process of my recent relocation), where the author talked about love being about "placing another person's welfare above your own".
On the other hand, Robert Frost used an equally apt, but somewhat selfish description, calling it: "...an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired". Now before we pull out the box of tissues, make a hot cup of tea, and curl up in a blanket; let me also point out that this emotional state has contributed more to silly, ridiculous, and socially suicidal behavior than anything else in the course of human history.
Here I can speak with some knowledge and experience. In the course of my life, I like many, have probably committed some incredibly idiotic, horribly embarrassing, and potentially fatal acts in the name of this emotion (and I've led a pretty sheltered life). No "Candid Camera" reel or "America's Funniest Home Video" episode could hope to capture the range of demented behavior that I and my fellow man daily commit in order to win the hearts of the ones they love, so I will certainly not try.
I could probably cite a few of the numerous specific examples from my own past as proof, but I'm not sure if the statute of limitations has run out on all of them, and therefore feel that it might be better if I don't. I will simply say that if this is what Evolution has determined that the male of the species should go through in order to cement the bond required for the mating and reproductive process, we may be on our way out.
As for what women do and have done, being neither a woman nor the gay friend of one, such information has never been shared with me. The limited information that I have gleaned on this particular subject from overheard conversations however, is terrifying to me on an almost Biblical scale.
My only conclusion is that maybe in the end, we aren't supposed to be able to figure such things out. Maybe love is a mystery that we are supposed to embrace, rather than solve. Maybe the terror and confusion are an essential part of the joy and excitement that we experience when in love. On the other hand, one has to wonder if there is some lemming DNA hiding in our genetic background and love is simply the cliff that we line up to leap from. (Could this be where the term lover's leap actually came from, maybe?)
One of the few things that I have given up trying to understand about Life is Love. (There are a lot of other ones, but if I told you all of them now, what would I post about in the future?) This is not to say that I am unacquainted with the subject. I have what I hope are loving relationships with my family, my children, and my grandchildren. I even think that I have been lucky enough to have "been in love" a couple of times in my life.
Even when I was in the midst of a situation where I thought that I was in love however, I have to say that I found myself completely confused most of the time. In this, I do not feel that I have been alone. As I am a voracious reader, I often seek the wisdom of those of a literary point of view on such weighty subjects.
Many of the best writers in history have attempted to say something on the subject and have done well, but invariably I find myself going back to a science-fiction book called "When Harley Was One" by David Gerrold (most fans of SF know him as the man who wrote the Star Trek episode 'The Trouble With Tribbles'). To paraphrase, he described it as a process with three stages:
1. The physical attraction between two people
2. The bond that grows, emotionally and sexually as they learn more about each other
3. The true loving relationship I also remember another line from the novel (which I have just discovered to my chagrin in writing this, that I have misplaced in process of my recent relocation), where the author talked about love being about "placing another person's welfare above your own".
On the other hand, Robert Frost used an equally apt, but somewhat selfish description, calling it: "...an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired". Now before we pull out the box of tissues, make a hot cup of tea, and curl up in a blanket; let me also point out that this emotional state has contributed more to silly, ridiculous, and socially suicidal behavior than anything else in the course of human history.
Here I can speak with some knowledge and experience. In the course of my life, I like many, have probably committed some incredibly idiotic, horribly embarrassing, and potentially fatal acts in the name of this emotion (and I've led a pretty sheltered life). No "Candid Camera" reel or "America's Funniest Home Video" episode could hope to capture the range of demented behavior that I and my fellow man daily commit in order to win the hearts of the ones they love, so I will certainly not try.
I could probably cite a few of the numerous specific examples from my own past as proof, but I'm not sure if the statute of limitations has run out on all of them, and therefore feel that it might be better if I don't. I will simply say that if this is what Evolution has determined that the male of the species should go through in order to cement the bond required for the mating and reproductive process, we may be on our way out.
As for what women do and have done, being neither a woman nor the gay friend of one, such information has never been shared with me. The limited information that I have gleaned on this particular subject from overheard conversations however, is terrifying to me on an almost Biblical scale.
My only conclusion is that maybe in the end, we aren't supposed to be able to figure such things out. Maybe love is a mystery that we are supposed to embrace, rather than solve. Maybe the terror and confusion are an essential part of the joy and excitement that we experience when in love. On the other hand, one has to wonder if there is some lemming DNA hiding in our genetic background and love is simply the cliff that we line up to leap from. (Could this be where the term lover's leap actually came from, maybe?)
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Voting
Well I was out there bright and early this morning to place my vote at the proper polling place. Of course I had to cast a provisional ballot because having been here slightly over a year, the Board of Elections in Lucas County has not properly entered my name on the voting roll yet; but then again, they have had only a year to work with.
Voting right as the polls opened, I managed to do so without running into any of the candidates.
No offense to anyone running for office out there, but you have to realize that by now we are sick of the sound of your voice and of seeing your face. The only thing that might prevent us from voting in fact, would be having to run a gauntlet of candidates in order to do so. I know that all candidates want that last bit of name recognition, but this should be weighed carefully, lest you remind us that you were the one that we wanted to be sure not to vote for.
I was not alone at getting in to place my vote early (possibly for the same reason). It was gratifying to see that a few of my fellow citizens were braving the dark, the cold, and the snow flurries in order to perform duty as citizens. Looking at the entire process however, I find that I am constantly amazed at the way that we treat this most sacred of America responsibilities. The voting machines themselves looked like reworked projector stands from the grade school that I went to in the 60's. Record keeping is done with pads of paper large enough to be books of spells at Hogwarts Wizard School (Harry Potter, for those of you living in a cave in recent history), a system whose technology was obviously created at the same time of the projector stands.
The only part of the process that deserves any approbation at all are the poll workers. Their good humor and willingness to do whatever is necessary to make sure that anyone who shows up to vote gets a chance to do so is the one bright spot in the process. Knowing that they do this for a wage not much better than that of a person working a drive through window at a fast food joint makes their efforts and sacrifices even more meaningful.
With all of the money that we get asked to invest in everything from failed museums to empty buses, maybe what we really need to be investing in is the trappings and technology of the process itself. If voting is a right and a sacred duty, perhaps we need to begin to treat the performance of that duty as if it were being done in a church and not an outhouse.
No offense to anyone running for office out there, but you have to realize that by now we are sick of the sound of your voice and of seeing your face. The only thing that might prevent us from voting in fact, would be having to run a gauntlet of candidates in order to do so. I know that all candidates want that last bit of name recognition, but this should be weighed carefully, lest you remind us that you were the one that we wanted to be sure not to vote for.
I was not alone at getting in to place my vote early (possibly for the same reason). It was gratifying to see that a few of my fellow citizens were braving the dark, the cold, and the snow flurries in order to perform duty as citizens. Looking at the entire process however, I find that I am constantly amazed at the way that we treat this most sacred of America responsibilities. The voting machines themselves looked like reworked projector stands from the grade school that I went to in the 60's. Record keeping is done with pads of paper large enough to be books of spells at Hogwarts Wizard School (Harry Potter, for those of you living in a cave in recent history), a system whose technology was obviously created at the same time of the projector stands.
The only part of the process that deserves any approbation at all are the poll workers. Their good humor and willingness to do whatever is necessary to make sure that anyone who shows up to vote gets a chance to do so is the one bright spot in the process. Knowing that they do this for a wage not much better than that of a person working a drive through window at a fast food joint makes their efforts and sacrifices even more meaningful.
With all of the money that we get asked to invest in everything from failed museums to empty buses, maybe what we really need to be investing in is the trappings and technology of the process itself. If voting is a right and a sacred duty, perhaps we need to begin to treat the performance of that duty as if it were being done in a church and not an outhouse.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
When The Levy Breaks
We are facing votes Tuesday on levies for four different organizations, COSI, The Library, MetroParks, and TARTA. There have been postings on a number of sites (Thurber's Thoughts, Glass City Jungle, Wannabe Mayor, Hooda Thunkit's Therapy Blog, and Major Nitpickers) on each of these requests. I would simply like to make an attempt to summarize here.
Each of these organizations has laid claim to their "rightful share" of the money that we work hard to earn every day. Each has a noble purpose, and each has an assumption that they deserve this money for the good of the community. None however, have been able to describe an effective business plan for operating in a city of declining population, jobs, and property values.
COSI admits to a "failed" business plan from the start, which begs the question as to whether they are liars or just simply stupid. From this flawed beginning, having promised us that they would never again ask for money, and with the appearance of no real business plan to move forward; they come cap in hand like Oliver Twist, saying "Please sir, I want some more". My response, "Not today Ollie". You tell me that if you do not get this levy, you will be forced to go ... it was nice knowing you.
Metroparks is looking for money to take care of the land that they purchased with a different levy. Now that they have the land they don't appear to have the funding to improve it, take care of it, nor to run many of the programs on it. You receive funding from a number of sources in the form of grants and gifts, but apparently that does not meet the needs of your budget. Perhaps money could be raised by selling some of the land or cutting back on some of the programs? But wait - property values are going down and selling real estate in Toledo is a losing proposition, so that won't work. And it appears to be impossible to consider doing 'less as more' for anything run on taxpayer dollars.Perhaps in a time when Toledo is shrinking in so many ways, you should realize that your budget does not need to grow. If you continue to add to our tax burden, there is likely to be plenty of green space (translate as empty land) in Toledo to choose from for future growth.
The Library is looking for money to maintain their current programs at their current levels, none of which seems to involve books. Those expansions have to do with replacing, improving, and expanding its computer area and Internet access; and of course, adding to their DVD selections. Maybe these are the functions of the library of the future, but they do not need to be taxpayer sponsored. Libraries, by definition, are places of books. If they would like to expand in order to compete with Blockbuster video or an Internet Cafe, I suggest that they look at a mulch-tiered form of library cards, with a fee for DVD rental and Internet access, before asking everyone to finance these 'out of the box' business endeavors.
TARTA, where do we even begin with you? You appear to run a service that few, if any take advantage of in the metropolitan area. Mayors of outlying cities are already crying over the monopoly you hold, the lack of service you provide, and the dollars that you drain. You have no real idea how many people use your service, and ask us for money to provide more. You must think that our heads are emptier than your buses. The only increase in ridership that you can show is with seniors, and you use that to frighten and intimidate us for money. (In case you hadn't heard, they call that extortion.) Go back and count your riders, give us an honest demographic of them, and present us with an effective plan to serve them before you ask for our generosity.
It's time at last, for organizations asking for money from levies to be up front and honest with the taxpayers. Combine all of your levies and give us an honest look at the money that you would like from us to fund your endeavors. Face the financial reality of the community that you serve when presenting your requests. Do not attempt to confuse us about what these levies will cost us, whether they are new taxes, or whether they are increases. Present us with facts that justify your requests for money. Show us logical business plans to prove to us that our trust in you, once granted, will not be wasted. For many years, organizations like this have poked a stick in the cage of taxpayers.
Perhaps it's time that you realize that you have finally made us mad enough to get off of our butts and do something about it. You had better pay attention to the reality of the present before we get to the bars and take a big bite out of you.
Each of these organizations has laid claim to their "rightful share" of the money that we work hard to earn every day. Each has a noble purpose, and each has an assumption that they deserve this money for the good of the community. None however, have been able to describe an effective business plan for operating in a city of declining population, jobs, and property values.
COSI admits to a "failed" business plan from the start, which begs the question as to whether they are liars or just simply stupid. From this flawed beginning, having promised us that they would never again ask for money, and with the appearance of no real business plan to move forward; they come cap in hand like Oliver Twist, saying "Please sir, I want some more". My response, "Not today Ollie". You tell me that if you do not get this levy, you will be forced to go ... it was nice knowing you.
Metroparks is looking for money to take care of the land that they purchased with a different levy. Now that they have the land they don't appear to have the funding to improve it, take care of it, nor to run many of the programs on it. You receive funding from a number of sources in the form of grants and gifts, but apparently that does not meet the needs of your budget. Perhaps money could be raised by selling some of the land or cutting back on some of the programs? But wait - property values are going down and selling real estate in Toledo is a losing proposition, so that won't work. And it appears to be impossible to consider doing 'less as more' for anything run on taxpayer dollars.Perhaps in a time when Toledo is shrinking in so many ways, you should realize that your budget does not need to grow. If you continue to add to our tax burden, there is likely to be plenty of green space (translate as empty land) in Toledo to choose from for future growth.
The Library is looking for money to maintain their current programs at their current levels, none of which seems to involve books. Those expansions have to do with replacing, improving, and expanding its computer area and Internet access; and of course, adding to their DVD selections. Maybe these are the functions of the library of the future, but they do not need to be taxpayer sponsored. Libraries, by definition, are places of books. If they would like to expand in order to compete with Blockbuster video or an Internet Cafe, I suggest that they look at a mulch-tiered form of library cards, with a fee for DVD rental and Internet access, before asking everyone to finance these 'out of the box' business endeavors.
TARTA, where do we even begin with you? You appear to run a service that few, if any take advantage of in the metropolitan area. Mayors of outlying cities are already crying over the monopoly you hold, the lack of service you provide, and the dollars that you drain. You have no real idea how many people use your service, and ask us for money to provide more. You must think that our heads are emptier than your buses. The only increase in ridership that you can show is with seniors, and you use that to frighten and intimidate us for money. (In case you hadn't heard, they call that extortion.) Go back and count your riders, give us an honest demographic of them, and present us with an effective plan to serve them before you ask for our generosity.
It's time at last, for organizations asking for money from levies to be up front and honest with the taxpayers. Combine all of your levies and give us an honest look at the money that you would like from us to fund your endeavors. Face the financial reality of the community that you serve when presenting your requests. Do not attempt to confuse us about what these levies will cost us, whether they are new taxes, or whether they are increases. Present us with facts that justify your requests for money. Show us logical business plans to prove to us that our trust in you, once granted, will not be wasted. For many years, organizations like this have poked a stick in the cage of taxpayers.
Perhaps it's time that you realize that you have finally made us mad enough to get off of our butts and do something about it. You had better pay attention to the reality of the present before we get to the bars and take a big bite out of you.
Ohio - Don't Bet On It
A law was recently raced through the Ohio legislature on an emergency basis, outlawing what were considered gambling machines in which people could win money. (Just for the record, what other kind are there?) For some reason, there seemed to be a great deal of concern that any form of video poker or slot machines were going to undermine the fabric of society in Ohio (you know, the same way that such devices have done in neighboring states Michigan and Indiana).
Now this is not to say that it is illegal to gamble in Ohio. No, it is in fact perfectly legal to gamble in this state as long as you do it with THE OHIO LOTTERY COMMISSION. Yes that's right, the state is the only bookie that you are allowed to do business with. Not only can you gamble, but I would be willing to bet that right now there are as many versions of Ohio Lottery scratch-off tickets as there are flavors of ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. Tickets cost anywhere from $1 to $20 each, and surprisingly we all seem to exhibit some level of self-control while taking our chances with them at getting rich.
And let's not forget the big ones, the original Ohio Lottery (currently at $2.6 million) and the Mega Millions game (currently at $75 million). This is where we are all forced to show some further level of self-restraint, while getting to take our chance at reaching for the real gold ring as we travel on the merry-go-round of life.
Of course we are told that this is different, because all the "profit" from this particular form of gambling is at least supposedly directed at the schools of the state of Ohio. It appears that even an evil like gambling can be excused if we use the magic words "for the children" when speaking about it. Unfortunately, despite the volume of play done on these games of chance, property taxes across the state continue to go up and district budgets continue to be an issue from a lack of funding.
Now this is not to say that it is illegal to gamble in Ohio. No, it is in fact perfectly legal to gamble in this state as long as you do it with THE OHIO LOTTERY COMMISSION. Yes that's right, the state is the only bookie that you are allowed to do business with. Not only can you gamble, but I would be willing to bet that right now there are as many versions of Ohio Lottery scratch-off tickets as there are flavors of ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. Tickets cost anywhere from $1 to $20 each, and surprisingly we all seem to exhibit some level of self-control while taking our chances with them at getting rich.
And let's not forget the big ones, the original Ohio Lottery (currently at $2.6 million) and the Mega Millions game (currently at $75 million). This is where we are all forced to show some further level of self-restraint, while getting to take our chance at reaching for the real gold ring as we travel on the merry-go-round of life.
Of course we are told that this is different, because all the "profit" from this particular form of gambling is at least supposedly directed at the schools of the state of Ohio. It appears that even an evil like gambling can be excused if we use the magic words "for the children" when speaking about it. Unfortunately, despite the volume of play done on these games of chance, property taxes across the state continue to go up and district budgets continue to be an issue from a lack of funding.
So it appears to be that the State of Ohio is not afraid of our inability to show self-control with regards to gambling, as long as it is going to a good and worthy cause. They are merely worried that they won't control it and get their percentage of the proceeds. In their hurry and zeal to protect their monopoly on something that they deem dangerous to the public on some level however, they came very close to doing away with bowling, dart, and pool leagues in the State of Ohio (though for some reason, they were right on top of the concept of protecting Bingo).
Now I have trouble wrapping my head around how a dart or bowling league could represent a serious challenge to the morals of the state's residents, though having just seen "The Music Man" on cable, I can see how the evil things that go on in a pool hall could be a threat. Quite frankly the surprising thing to me is that the state of Ohio did not choose to take on the vicious bingo hall lobby. I guess that they found a mob of angry senior citizens with bingo card markers clutched firmly in hand too daunting a prospect to face.
This effort to prevent or limit gambling is not a new one for the state. Special interest groups in Ohio have been waging war for years to prevent casinos from opening on both the rivers and the Lake (Erie), in spite of the fact that other states have operated such pleasure palaces successfully just down the river, or up the chain of lakes from our fair shores for years. Now I have heard that this is all done to protect us from a organized criminal element who might strong-arm us, cheat us, and steal our money; but the only one that I can think that fits that picture currently is (wait for it) ... The State of Ohio.
This isn't really a big deal for me, as I'm not a big gambler. I believe that I work far too hard for the money I earn to throw it at a things that spin, blink, and makes annoying noises at me (that's what I thought children were for). I simply resent the fact that the state can't seem to keep it's nose out of my business, and is constantly seeking to find new ways to intrude itself.
Government has invaded enough in my life and that of my fellow citizens, and there seems bent on exhibiting a serious Puritanical streak that seeks to remove any source of amusement from the lives of those governed. Smoking first, and now non-state sponsored gaming. How long will we have to wait before government begins to look at the consumption of alcoholic beverages again (because prohibition worked so well the first time), or maybe the mating rituals of its citizens (sex, for those of you who might be a little obtuse)? In what other areas of our lives will our fire and brimstone preaching state decide that it should make decisions on, in order to protect us from ourselves?
Now just to prove that Ohio is not the only state that's aggravating me where this is concerned, I am equally upset with the state of Michigan, who's annoying commercials about returning to a spirit of play by gambling in Native American casinos has long since earned my ire. http://justblowingsmoke.blogspot.com/2007/10/thats-not-right-1.html
I have already voiced my displeasure on this subject however, and see no need to re-hash information previously supplied for those too lazy to click on the link listed.
In the long run, I have to wonder as to the wisdom of adopting this position on gaming though. As we all know, states compete with each other for businesses, jobs, and residents. It appears however, that in the competition for the revenue that games and gambling can provide a state (and the casinos in Detroit have earned more than $120 million in tax revenue this year already) that the states of Michigan and Ohio have slightly different philosophies. While Michigan says "Go Out and Play", the state of Ohio responds with: "No Playing Allowed".
Thursday, November 1, 2007
That's Not Right #2- Santa Gone Wrong
Those of you who haven't paid attention to my picture on the blog page may not have noticed that both my hair and beard have gone from their natural color (which I realize now that I have forgotten) to gray, and thence to white. Having attained the stature (translate as sheer bulk) that I have achieved in my life, it begs the question about the opportunities to play Santa Claus at local stores at this time of the year.
While my appearance has made such possibilities obvious, I have managed to resist the temptation up to this point. I have been presented with one that may be beyond my capacity to resist in recent days however. It has been suggested that I would make a great Santa Claus at a Victoria's Secret store.
Now my knowledge of ladies undergarments, lingerie, or perfumes might be severely limited by the fact that I am neither a cross-dresser, nor gay; but the opportunity to have the typical shopper at Victoria's Secret sit on my lap before making their personal selections presents some interesting potential as a way to make extra cash during the Holiday season.
I'm sorry if this idea offends anyone, but at my age one should never discount any opportunity that involves young, attractive women sitting in your lap for any reason (no matter how small that lap seems to have become). I don't know if the position is open, or even if it exists; but I have to admit that the possibility intrigues me. Being a red-blooded American male (though a rather senior one), I have therefore decided to stop trimming my beard until the facts of the situation can be ascertained. (... for any of you reading this who happen to work for Les Wexner, you can let him know that I am available) I will let you know what I discover.
While my appearance has made such possibilities obvious, I have managed to resist the temptation up to this point. I have been presented with one that may be beyond my capacity to resist in recent days however. It has been suggested that I would make a great Santa Claus at a Victoria's Secret store.
Now my knowledge of ladies undergarments, lingerie, or perfumes might be severely limited by the fact that I am neither a cross-dresser, nor gay; but the opportunity to have the typical shopper at Victoria's Secret sit on my lap before making their personal selections presents some interesting potential as a way to make extra cash during the Holiday season.
I'm sorry if this idea offends anyone, but at my age one should never discount any opportunity that involves young, attractive women sitting in your lap for any reason (no matter how small that lap seems to have become). I don't know if the position is open, or even if it exists; but I have to admit that the possibility intrigues me. Being a red-blooded American male (though a rather senior one), I have therefore decided to stop trimming my beard until the facts of the situation can be ascertained. (... for any of you reading this who happen to work for Les Wexner, you can let him know that I am available) I will let you know what I discover.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
The Dumbing Down of America
The United States of America is the only superpower left in the world, but I suspect that this will not remain the case forever. Oh don't misunderstand me, I have no special knowledge of an imminent threat to our country. It's just that I cannot believe that we will remain a superpower for any length of time when we are getting so stupid. "Oh no Tim," you say, "We are the smartest and most creative culture on the planet."
Really, well factor these into the equation and consider your answer again: - We now admit that wrestling is fake, and it's more popular than ever in spite of that. We even still believe in the story lines that they spin for us, and require multiple leagues and shows to feed our fascination with this fiction.
- Airlines think that they can save us in a crash situation by instructing us on how to use a seatbelt and breathe through a mask.
- We have more reality shows on TV than Orville Redenbacher has popcorn kernels, with each one sinking lower on the "Jerry Springer Scale" than the last.
- Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, and Ben Stiller are actually considered movie stars!
- We require safety stickers to keep us from putting our heads in the microwave or our kids into the dryer.
- Hollywood has so little creativity left in stories for movies that it has sunk to remaking even bad movies like "Hairspray", with John Travolta in women' s clothing (...and I thought that Saturday Night Fever was a low point for him).
- Minneapolis thinks that the best way to prevent men from picking up each other for sex in it's airport bathrooms is to lower the walls in the stalls.
- "Two and a Half Men" is currently the #1 show on television.
- People applying for citizenship know more about this country's history than it's own citizens do.
- We have designed cash registers to tell the people using them the proper amount of change to give out (and still they get it wrong a fair share of the time).
- Hilary Clinton has a legitimate chance to become president of the United States!
Now what do you think? I thought so. It's pretty hard to remain smug when confronted with the ugly truth, isn't it? This country has begun to enter a period in its history where it's collective IQ is a number far to close to it's average show size.
Well don't worry boys and girls, by the time that this country finally sinks to the level to which we seem to aspire, we will all probably be so dumb that we will barely notice it. Then again, even it we did, we probably wouldn't care as long as we can get our reality shows five days a week, with an Adam Sandler or Ben Stiller movie festival for the weekend. While I still have what little of the brains that I came into the world with (no comments, please), I feel that I can come to only one conclusion: "There is probably no cure for aggressive stupidity."
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Airline Security & Political Correctness
I am getting ready to travel by air again for business (an experience that I compare to having hemorrhoid surgery without an anesthetic). This time it looks like my trip will be to a foreign land, which adds a flavor to the experience that can only properly be achieved by the sprinkling on of a little natural fertilizer.
As I contemplate that future (and suicide by paper cut), I have to tell you that I have completely had it with the airport security procedures that lie ahead of me. Waiting in line, stripping down my luggage, taking off my shoes, and having my laptop swabbed down for explosive residue make me want to chew my own leg off.
Well, like the character Howard Beale in the movie Network, I want to yell: "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this any more!" Instead, I want to make a radical and politically incorrect suggestion here to correct the situation; but before I do I would like to play a little game with you. I would like to have you look at this as a "Final Jeopardy" question. The following events have what in common?
All of these were acts of terrorism committed by Muslim extremists.
In fact, 100% of the terrorist attacks on commercial airlines based in America for the last 20 years have been committed by Muslim Extremists.
(Now here is where the part comes in that illustrates what a cold-hearted, mean-spirited, and politically incorrect person I really am.)
Why aren't we focusing on the only group of people who have been attacking us? Why do we harass old people in wheelchairs and walkers, pat down salesmen, and make small children cry as we force them to walk through metal detectors without their parents? Why is our politically correct society's answer to the question of how to insure our safety to treat us all as if we were suspected terrorists.
I know, I know, this is racial profiling and this is a practice that is simply wrong. Or is it? Would you watch your children more closely if they were playing in a park next to a church picnic or a homeless man in a dirty overcoat? Would you feel more comfortable walking down the hallway of an upscale hotel or the hallway of a cell block in a jail?
We all make informed judgements based on visual cues and experience everyday to insure our own safety and that of those we care about. We do this almost without thinking. Why can't we ask our government (who is used to functioning without thinking) do the same thing? Have we become so politically correct that we will inconvenience everyone for fear of offending some?
Listen, you can say what you want about the fairness of the concept of racial profiling; but in this case I'm not sure that you could argue with its potential effectiveness. Doing so may actually be no more than what Captain Renault sought to do in the movie Casablanca, "rounding up the usual suspects".
As I contemplate that future (and suicide by paper cut), I have to tell you that I have completely had it with the airport security procedures that lie ahead of me. Waiting in line, stripping down my luggage, taking off my shoes, and having my laptop swabbed down for explosive residue make me want to chew my own leg off.
Well, like the character Howard Beale in the movie Network, I want to yell: "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this any more!" Instead, I want to make a radical and politically incorrect suggestion here to correct the situation; but before I do I would like to play a little game with you. I would like to have you look at this as a "Final Jeopardy" question. The following events have what in common?
- The attempted attack on American Flt 63 by a man with bombs in his shoes.
- The hijacking of United Flt 175 and American Flt 11 for the attack on the World Trade Center on 9/11.
- The hijacking of American Flt 77 for the attack on the Pentagon on 9/11.
- The hijacking of United Flt 93, which eventually crashed into a field in Somerset County, PA on 9/11.
- The bombing of the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania.
- The setting off of a car bomb (OK, it was a truck) outside an Air Force housing complex in Saudi Arabia.
- The 1st bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993.
- The bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.
- The bombing of a discotheque in West Berlin that was frequented by US servicemen.
- The hijacking of the cruise ship, Achille Lauro.
- The bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut .
- The bombing of the US embassy in Beirut.
- The attack on the US embassy in Iran and the kidnapping of the embassy staff.
All of these were acts of terrorism committed by Muslim extremists.
In fact, 100% of the terrorist attacks on commercial airlines based in America for the last 20 years have been committed by Muslim Extremists.
(Now here is where the part comes in that illustrates what a cold-hearted, mean-spirited, and politically incorrect person I really am.)
Why aren't we focusing on the only group of people who have been attacking us? Why do we harass old people in wheelchairs and walkers, pat down salesmen, and make small children cry as we force them to walk through metal detectors without their parents? Why is our politically correct society's answer to the question of how to insure our safety to treat us all as if we were suspected terrorists.
I know, I know, this is racial profiling and this is a practice that is simply wrong. Or is it? Would you watch your children more closely if they were playing in a park next to a church picnic or a homeless man in a dirty overcoat? Would you feel more comfortable walking down the hallway of an upscale hotel or the hallway of a cell block in a jail?
We all make informed judgements based on visual cues and experience everyday to insure our own safety and that of those we care about. We do this almost without thinking. Why can't we ask our government (who is used to functioning without thinking) do the same thing? Have we become so politically correct that we will inconvenience everyone for fear of offending some?
Listen, you can say what you want about the fairness of the concept of racial profiling; but in this case I'm not sure that you could argue with its potential effectiveness. Doing so may actually be no more than what Captain Renault sought to do in the movie Casablanca, "rounding up the usual suspects".
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Nuclear Power
While not buying into global warming, and certainly not buying into man's responsibility whatever climate change has occurred, (contribution yes, sole responsibility no) I would like to think that I am never the less concerned for the environment in my own way. I am probably more concerned however about this nation's reliance on fossil fuels and dependence for those fuels on bunch of countries who I truly do not believe are our friends.
I know that going to more fuel efficient vehicles will help, as will solar and wind power; but I have to ask myself why we insist on ignoring nuclear power as an alternative. France, who purchased their reactor technology from Westinghouse (a US company), now has 56 nuclear power plants generating 76% of their electricity. With an additional 12% of their power generated from hydroelectric plants, this leaves France in the position of being almost completely energy independent. In fact, with this program begun in 1973, France is now exporting power to other European nations.
Now I don't want to be the guy who admits that France might be doing something right (hell, I drink California wine), but I might have to admit that in this respect I am jealous of them. How does the US match up then? After all, we brought nuclear technology (for good or evil) to the world. The first nuclear reactor to generate electricity was done on December 20, 1951 at the ERB-I experimental station near Arco, Idaho. Today, though currently we have 103 nuclear power plants in the country, they are capable of producing only 20% of the electricity required. As for construction, no new nuclear plant has been ordered since 1973, and none has come online in the US since 1996. This means that the following countries have built more nuclear power generation plants than the United States during the vacuum of that period (that I was able to track during just a quick check):
Most of our power currently comes from power generation plants using oil or coal. Coal still seems abundant in this country, but also seems to be the source that generates the most pollution. Oil is a source whose cost seems steadily on the rise, and presents a whole other set of concerns as well. We apparently have only limited interest in drilling for oil in the places where it exists in any significantly amount in this country (for environmental reasons).
Much of the rest of the world's oil is in places of political instability and will be problematic to obtain. The politics of the Middle East does not promise to get better any time soon, and the governments that run these countries are monarchies and dictatorships that we would not normally put up with unless they had something that we really, really needed.
Meanwhile, nobody is going to call Russia, Mexico, or Venezuela our friend; and our opportunities of obtaining oil from these nations are going to remain limited at best.
Solar, hydroelectric, and wind power generation can and are filling some of those needs in an environmentally friendly way. I cannot believe however that we are ready to replace the blighted scenery of oil derricks crowding out the skies in our past with that of dams, solar grids, or wind turbine farms becoming the bane of our future. That leaves the re-exploration of nuclear power generation as an alternative.
Now I admit that nothing is life is danger-free and that no technology is foolproof, but I believe that we do have the ability to use this technology safely (or at least as good as the French). I also believe that we are running out of choices. We had better begin to address this situation soon, or the impending power crisis will be beyond our control.
I know that going to more fuel efficient vehicles will help, as will solar and wind power; but I have to ask myself why we insist on ignoring nuclear power as an alternative. France, who purchased their reactor technology from Westinghouse (a US company), now has 56 nuclear power plants generating 76% of their electricity. With an additional 12% of their power generated from hydroelectric plants, this leaves France in the position of being almost completely energy independent. In fact, with this program begun in 1973, France is now exporting power to other European nations.
Now I don't want to be the guy who admits that France might be doing something right (hell, I drink California wine), but I might have to admit that in this respect I am jealous of them. How does the US match up then? After all, we brought nuclear technology (for good or evil) to the world. The first nuclear reactor to generate electricity was done on December 20, 1951 at the ERB-I experimental station near Arco, Idaho. Today, though currently we have 103 nuclear power plants in the country, they are capable of producing only 20% of the electricity required. As for construction, no new nuclear plant has been ordered since 1973, and none has come online in the US since 1996. This means that the following countries have built more nuclear power generation plants than the United States during the vacuum of that period (that I was able to track during just a quick check):
- China
- South Korea
- North Korea
- Japan
- India
- Pakistan
- Iran
- Iraq
- (and now maybe) Syria
Most of our power currently comes from power generation plants using oil or coal. Coal still seems abundant in this country, but also seems to be the source that generates the most pollution. Oil is a source whose cost seems steadily on the rise, and presents a whole other set of concerns as well. We apparently have only limited interest in drilling for oil in the places where it exists in any significantly amount in this country (for environmental reasons).
Much of the rest of the world's oil is in places of political instability and will be problematic to obtain. The politics of the Middle East does not promise to get better any time soon, and the governments that run these countries are monarchies and dictatorships that we would not normally put up with unless they had something that we really, really needed.
Meanwhile, nobody is going to call Russia, Mexico, or Venezuela our friend; and our opportunities of obtaining oil from these nations are going to remain limited at best.
Solar, hydroelectric, and wind power generation can and are filling some of those needs in an environmentally friendly way. I cannot believe however that we are ready to replace the blighted scenery of oil derricks crowding out the skies in our past with that of dams, solar grids, or wind turbine farms becoming the bane of our future. That leaves the re-exploration of nuclear power generation as an alternative.
Now I admit that nothing is life is danger-free and that no technology is foolproof, but I believe that we do have the ability to use this technology safely (or at least as good as the French). I also believe that we are running out of choices. We had better begin to address this situation soon, or the impending power crisis will be beyond our control.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tipping
There is something that has been out going on out there for some time that may seem like a bit of nonsense, but that is really starting to bug me. Since I seldom (if ever) let such things pass without comment I have decided to take up the issue here. The thing that's setting me off these days is the practice of tipping, or more accurately, the lousy way that most people do it.
Let me say right up front that I over tip everywhere I go. I have done so for years and I am rather proud of the position that I have taken on this practice. I am disappointed therefore, that so few people in this country seem to believe as I do on this subject. (I am likewise displeased in most of what the majority of people do believe in, but that is a topic for another day.) Providing a tip for service is a form of social contract; and while not a legally binding one, it is never the less a custom of long standing. Failing to do your part is a breach of both custom and etiquette.
As for myself, no one can ever say that I have never been one to follow rules when any reasonable alternative presents itself (or an unreasonable alternative if I am just being stubborn), my disobedience here however is on a more fundamental level. It is based on the fact that:
- Have you ever actually stopped to think what people who work for tips get in the way of hourly wages?
- Have you ever considered how far below the minimum wage that recompense actually is?
- Has it occurred to you that employers are allowed to pay this paltry rate of pay because of the additional compensation that is supposed to forthcoming through a gratuity?
- Have you ever considered how miserly behavior affects those who count on you to do your part in this process?
As for myself, no one can ever say that I have never been one to follow rules when any reasonable alternative presents itself (or an unreasonable alternative if I am just being stubborn), my disobedience here however is on a more fundamental level. It is based on the fact that:
- These are some of the least appreciated, least respected, and most overlooked jobs being done out there.
- No one has ever convinced me that the customary percentage is enough, or has shown me that those who originally came up with it knew what in the heck they were talking about.
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