Thursday, November 8, 2007

Election - The Aftermath

I wrote this post last night, but only this morning had the courage to post it. Please forgive the apparent time inconsistencies.  

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely terrible. At first I thought that it was simply a general feeling of listlessness and disgust for the choices of my fellow Toledo and Lucas County voters. Then I realized that it was the result of a "Three Dog-Rocket Night". For those of you who do not enjoy savoring a fine cigar, this is a term deriving from the Eskimo's 3-Dog night, a situation when it gets so cold that they sleep surrounded by 3 dogs to maintain their body heat. In the cigar version of this occurrence,(and I know you know what I mean out there Luke), it is when one who appreciates cigars makes the mistaken judgement that it would be OK to smoke 3 cigars while listening to election coverage (or for any other reason for that matter). 

The result, no matter how many times you brush your teeth or gargle, is that you wake up with a taste in your mouth reminiscent of 3 dead dogs. Knowing that my guilt over my own stupidity, and the bad mood that I was in as a consequence of my own misjudgement was affecting my thinking; I decided to wait to say anything regarding Tuesday's election. 

As the day turned into evening, my mood (and the taste in my mouth) improved however. I began to collect my thoughts, get over my disappointments, and at last began to write. It was only then that I realized that like my choice in the quantity of cigars that I smoke, I may have this whole thing wrong (something that I often do). Perhaps the majority of the minority who actually voted knew something that I didn't, voted their well-informed conscience, and put us on the path to a brighter future.

That's it! The well educated, unbiased, and independent voters of Toledo and Lucas County realize that we are on the brink of an economic recovery of heroic proportions. Wages, property values, and the quality of life here are about to soar on an unparalleled scale. Money will be flowing like water from the waste treatment plant that the mayor spoke from today. The additional money that will be removed from our pockets from the 3 levies that passed will be insignificant compared with all of the money that will be coming our way. 

The Board of Education has been on the right path all along, and we need only to give them the time to allow those practices produce the results in our schools that they were designed to do. Wow, we need to call the president and the press and make this joyous news public. 

We have no right to keep such information from the American people. The market will soar, the dollar will improve, and our trade imbalance will disappear. My god, what relief to find that everything is going to be alright after all. Wait a minute, this can't be right. 

Sorry, feelings of euphoria momentarily overcame me. It must be the alcohol from the mouthwash. Please take all of the preceding as irony, or for those of you who never seem to understand irony ... never mind.


Maggie Thurber said...


Tim Higgins said...


My father always told me if I can't be amazing, I should at least be amusing. I am happy to see that you think I succeeded.