The Social Network Nitwits

Well it's official. In spite of all the disingenuous and deceitful protestations of innocence, careful skirting of the truth, and half-denials, Democratic Representative Anthony Weiner of New York has admitted not only to sending the underwear picture that has become such a sensation on Twitter; but apparently a number of other questionable photographs and 'tweets' as well. In a typical political mea culpa, the Congressman threw himself on the mercy of voters. That he did this after only days ago looking into cameras and attempting to spar with the media (when not actually lying) is not cause for our pity but our scorn however. 


And so with this admission, we see yet another politician begin his final fall from a combination of moral ambiguity and an inability to separate their public (and electronic) lives from their private ones. Weiner has not only lost his chance to become the next Mayor of New York (if Bloomberg ever agrees to leave), but will be damn lucky to hold onto his Congressional seat. The House ethics committee will next take up the faux pas and foibles of Rep Weiner, and they are more than welcome to them. 


Perhaps those with similarly duplicitous natures and questionable moral judgment will better understand him; for he is not alone in his questionable behavior. Far too many of them (and us) are guilty of exposing our ... feelings out there on Twitter and Facebook in the hopes of garnering attention, receiving accolades, and sometimes engendering sympathy. And while we usually get what we ask for, it's far too seldom what we want or really need. 


Attention: 
Absolutely! Put your words, feelings, and personal life out there like a guest on "The Jerry Springer Show" and there's little doubt that those who follow you on Twitter and Facebook will notice. Quite frankly, it's a train wreck that's hard to turn your eyes from. 


Accolades: 
Yep! Those can come as well. (I've been especially guilty on this one.) Playing with words and manipulating the English language in the hopes of appear clever or creating a minor piece of verbal art is fun. Sometimes it even works. More often however, it's simply a different form of train wreck, as sarcasm and irony are left behind in the keyboard. Attempt this at your own risk, as the repercussions can be more far-reaching than you realize. Then there are those who stoop to re-posting the efforts of more inventive minds. They do little more than trace over the lines of the Mona Lisa and expect to be credited as an artist. It's as intellectually laudable as any other form of plagiarism and as creative as line dancing. 


Sympathy: 
Not so much ... Oh don't get me wrong, there are those day-to-day tragedies whose frustration gathers some 'awwws' when aired in public. There are even some actual misfortunes that become easier to bear when shared; and where solace can be received with help and advice to be received from friends, electronic or otherwise. Most of us will even share some bitter laughter along with our compassion when life from time to time seems to paint a target on someone we know or care about. 


Excessive hand-wringing and drama however, will eventually wear thin the understanding of a saint (not that I know any personally) and are to be avoided at any cost. Those conducting their private lives on the Internet in the hopes some level of fame (like Rep Weiner) run a number of terrible risks in the attempt, which include (but are not limited to): 


* A law of averages which has determined that eventually you will make a mistake between the private and public lives you live and humiliate yourself (bad enough) or perhaps others who don't deserve it (much worse). * Airing a private grievance in a public venue, while self-satisfying, is unlikely to produce the result intended; and far more likely to produce its opposite. * When we share information with friends, we often forget that it's not only shared with friends of friends automatically; but that it's going to be out there in cyberspace forever, just waiting for the opportunity to jump up and bite us in the butt long after we've forgotten about it. * Even the most sympathetic of souls runs out such sentiment at some point, and those attempting to continue to draw from this well are far more likely to gather scorn than the sympathy they crave. * There is such a thing as 'too much information' about any of us. The reason that people have both public and private lives is because they are different things. They need to remain so. 


 All of that being said, I want to thank Rep Weiner and all of the rest of you out there committing social suicide while attempting this twisted form of social networking. The fear that you produce through your spectacular failures is an inspiration to many of us (You know, like the movie "Jackass"); and a cautionary tale to be learned from. And as the human race has managed to mature in its use of so many technologies, let's hope we can find a happy balance with this one. Let's continue to find ways to stay close to friends and family without airing all of our dirty laundry in public. Let all say of us that we know how to socially network well, and have not, like Rep Weiner, become a Social Network Nitwit.

Mixing Politics & Religion

They say that talking about politics and religion is a great way to lose friends; and yet here I am again bringing up the subject for no other reason than that something is beginning to stick in my craw. I feel that there is a lot of confusion out there between these two things, and everyone seems to be too afraid or too sanctimonious to talk about it. 


While everyone is talking about what's going on in the Middle East, quite frankly I'm concerned that there's far too much self-righteousness and religion in politics in this country these days. Doubt or discount me if your will, but before you completely write this idea off, consider the following. 


Forget if you can, the furor over the preacher and church that the current President attended for many years. Imagine instead a candidate for President running in 2012 that announced that he not only didn't attend church, mosque, or temple regularly, he didn't attend one at all. Can you conceive of the uproar that would follow? Can you comprehend the way that such a candidate would be assailed from media, the religious right, and those who believe themselves to be no more than simple "God-fearing Americans". Can you picture the cloud that would gather over what would no doubt be the remaining hours of that failed campaign. 


Yet why should regular attendance at any house of God serve as a qualification for elective office in this country. Does Ford pick their CEO based on his religious attendance? Do investors consider Donald Trump's church (if he even has one) before investing in his projects? Does the market price of Apple stock fluctuate based on Steve Jobs regular attendance at services? Why this should this nation pick its leader based on the regular attendance at religious services? Don't get me wrong. 


This doesn't mean that we shouldn't question a political candidates beliefs. There is in fact an absolute need to know the principles that guide a such a person when they make decisions. Those beliefs however, do not necessarily need to be founded in a particular religious belief, or any at all; let alone their regular attendance at religious services. If recent history has shown us anything, it is that some of those who profess the most public of such beliefs or in fact lead those services have been proven to be the most flawed of human beings. 


Caught up in their personal 'divine revelation', they assume a self-granted mantle of infallibility. With divine authority on their side, they allow those beliefs to dictate that they should work their will on those who they lead, often on some misguided mission to create a world in which only their beliefs reign supreme. Little thought is given to those who believe otherwise, except to add them to the list of those that must be converted. Isn't this in fact what we object to in the theocracies of the Middle East? Isn't this our objection to radical Islam? Isn't this confusion of political and religious mandate what makes us so fearful of their potential for destruction? Isn't the fact that political dissension in these countries becomes blasphemy the concept that makes these nations so out of control and so dangerous. 


Quite frankly I would prefer a political leader who told me that what they believed in was the Constitution, the rule of law, and their personal responsibility to serve the public trust to one who told me that they attended church regularly and believed in this or that Supreme Being. Belief after all, is not something that is subject to the democratic process or to the will of the majority in this country. 


The United States is not a nation where we vote on our favorite religion, making it the path that all must follow. Yes I know that many of the founding documents were written based on Christian principles. I have also done enough reading to discover that many of those Founding Fathers were closet Deists, who like their modern counterparts, wore a public face of regular church attendance in order to advance their professional and political careers. Like those founding documents however, it is the principles that are important, not the place that they came from. 


The world currently looks upon the 'Arab Spring' with mixture of joy and trepidation. We celebrate it when people seek freedom in Northern Africa and the Middle East. We likewise fear what will become of their future as Islamic extremists who see no separation of church and state seek political power in the vacuum created by these uprisings. But are we not likewise guilty in this country of insisting upon a certain level of religious adherence in our leaders? Are we not also guilty of mixing politics and religion?

TFP Column: Successful Recycling

In yet another effort of misguided pity, questionable judgment, or simple insanity, editor-in-chief Michael Miller is allowing yet another of my efforts to appear on the web page edition of the Toledo Free Press. 


 This effort, "Successful Recycling", looks at the money that Lucas County, Ohio is proposing to wring from over-taxed and cash-strapped residents. One can only look on in amazement as politicians and administrators of the County trot out some recycled rhetoric in order to justify a government run recycling center that could be done far more efficiently and cheaply by the private sector (if in fact it was needed at all). 


They seek to prove themselves worthy perhaps of national office with claims that adding government jobs at taxpayer expense is good for the economy, and for those under their care. While typical of the area, their efforts might be put to better use in finding a way to turn this recycled material into coverings for the empty windows of the buildings that they will be creating by such policies. 


But enough of this! Summer is upon us and those who wish to be in the know in NW Ohio will be spending time catching up on all that's going on by enjoying the glorious weather with a copy of Toledo's largest Sunday circulation newspaper (and its web-site of course), the Toledo Free Press.

Piling On Weiner

I am normally able to resist the temptation to pile on a popular target, but this Twitter thing with Rep Anthony Weiner of New York simply has too many possibilities to pass up. Having been around the newspaper industry for a few years, I can in fact imagine the headlines in the days ahead:

• Young girls are apparently a Twitter over Weiner's wiener
• Weiner says that he will not be distracted by his wiener
• Congressman claims that his wiener was 'hacked'! (Lorena Bobbit Questioned)
• Congressional Twit Tweets - Weiner's wiener exposed
• Member's member to be focus of Congressional investigation
• Weiner's wiener ... a scandal that stretches from coast to coast
• College student refuses to release Weiner wiener photo saying, "Objects appearing in the camera are further than they appear"
• Investigation over the Weiner Tweet hack moved to small claims court

And they just go on and on ... (Feel free in fact, to chime in with a few of your own) For those of you who may not remember, or have just finally managed to forget, this is the same Rep Weiner who blew a gasket last July when many Republicans voted against a $7.4 billion dollar fund to be used to aid 9/11 First Responders. This was not an objection to the 'Zadroga Act', which had 115 co-sponsors, including 15 Republicans. Nor did anyone particularly object to the size of the fund or believe that taking care of these people was not a national obligation. They were concerned however about the waste and fraud that always seem to occur when the government has lots of money to hand out and does so. With examples of such behavior before them from the previously established 9/11 fund, they might even be forgiven for such misgivings. Not by Rep Weiner however, he went off on a rant on the House floor that remains a YouTube favorite and was even considered over the top by many of the politicians and pundits to whom over the top is a way of life. He seemed to take great relish in taking center stage to castigate his fellow legislators with a verbal assault that left him shaking and all but foaming at the mouth in righteous indignation. His moral superiority and outrage were almost palpable to all as he called down fire and brimstone on those whose behavior he considered little more than repugnant and reprehensible. His tirade earned him 15 minutes of fame and a chance to go around to the talk shows to bask in the attention that such nonsensical notoriety often brings. (Just as an FYI, this act was eventually passed and signed into law.) It's a funny thing about grabbing the national spotlight in politics however. Just when you think that you've done you bit on stage and can safely retire behind the curtain for some well-deserved rest and relaxation, someone bumps that previously sought source of illumination in such a way that you find yourself back in its glare; often at the most inconvenient of times. And so yet another vainglorious politician, wooed by the siren song of power and fame, may now have succumbed to one foolish temptation too many. Another elected representative seems to have confused prerogative with potency and crossed a number of lines of good conduct and good sense in the process. There's no telling whether this incident (and the others which are bound now to find voice) will bring about the end of a potentially promising, if shrill career. It's interesting though that in spite (or maybe because) of the fact that so many politicians are in love with themselves, they believe that all others are in love with them as well. It's also rather amusing (in a sad way) to realize that those we place in positions to make good choices for all of us can make so many poor ones for themselves. Hey now that I think of it, maybe what Rep Weiner needs is a little time away from Washington DC to let all of this uproar die down. Maybe (like in "Animal House"), what he needs is a little road trip to return things to proper perspective. After all, Sarah Palin is making her way around the country these days using a neat bus and some motorcycles. Maybe Anthony Weiner could latch on to a cool ride and do a little traveling of his own.

I understand the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile might be available ...

TFP Column: I've Been Framed ... Badly

The debate is heating up in Congress over the debt limit, and the rhetoric from both sides of the aisle has little to do with the issues at hand. Congress has in fact become little more than a shopaholic whose credit cards are over the limit. 


Even before today's madness began, I was seeing trends in the discussion which were disturbing. It's bad enough when lawmakers can't come up with the answer, it's worse when they don't even know how to ask the question. This led to my offering for this week's Toledo Free Press, "I've Been Framed ... Badly". 


I even managed to use the words of economists who are much smarter than I am about everything, but most especially about what this debate is actually about and how Congress is treating their entrenched positions. I hope that you find the words of Thomas Sowell, Walter E Williams, and Henry Rosovsky as interesting and enlightening as I did. I hope that the words I used to fill in the gaps between also have some value. 


Speaking of value, what could be a better value than this week's TFP (it is after all, a free newspaper published twice a week). With the short week, the Star edition will be on the stands before you know it, with the regular weekend edition only a few short days behind. Summer is finally beginning to make an appearance, so you ought to spend some time outside enjoying Toledo's largest Sunday circulation newspaper, the Toledo Free Press.

Memorial Day 2011

I have used the words of what follows on two prior occasions, but find them a fitting Memorial Day tribute nevertheless. Never having had the privilege of serving in this country's Armed Forces, it's difficult for me to express the sentiments that I have when giving this day its due consideration or even whether I'm worthy of doing so. I would therefore instead simply like share with you a bit of information about the symbol of ultimate sacrifice in this country.

I was exposed to this hallowed symbol of service in 2008 while attending a Marine Corp reunion for my father's unit from World War II being held at the base in Quantico, VA ... Company A of the 10th Amphibian Tractor Battalion. There was something about sharing my introduction to this sacred ground with those veterans and their families that brought even more meaning to the experience. That they went there not only to pay tribute to the commanding officer buried there (Colonel Peck) but to all of their fallen comrades, carries far more meaning than any humble words I write could ever hope to.

So instead of boring you with my normal attempts at either significance or relevance, I will once more share with you the simple facts of this National Shrine, dedicated like the holiday to those who have fallen in battle, the Tomb of the Unknowns.
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Tomb of the Unknowns

1. The tomb contains the unidentified remains of a soldier who served in World War I, World War II, Korea, and Viet Nam, and has been guarded continuously since 1930. (Though a soldier killed in Viet Nam was originally interred here, that body was later removed and identified through DNA testing. It was subsequently decided to leave the Viet Nam crypt empty.)
   
2. The Guards are members of the 3rd US Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard), and wear no rank insignia on their uniforms while on duty so as not to outrank one of those lying in the Tomb.
3. The Guards take 21 steps, in recognition of the 21 gun salute; the highest honor given anyone in the military or any foreign dignitary.
4. Upon completion of those steps, the guards hesitate 21 seconds in memory of that same honor, turns 90 degrees and hesitates again for 21 seconds, then completes another 90 degree turn and hesitates yet one more time before resuming their march.
5. The Guards march with moistened gloves to prevent the gun from slipping from their grasp while on duty.
6. Guards are changed every 30 minutes; 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
7. The guards always carry the rifle on the shoulder furthest from the tomb. This move places the sentinel between the tomb and any threat.
8. The Guards of the Tomb, an honor currently carried by very few soldiers (there were just over 500 people in 2008), is awarded only after careful examination and is recognized by the award of a wreath pin. They subsequently live under very strict guidelines of personal conduct for the rest of their lives.
9. For the first six months of this duty, guards spend most of their free time learning of the most notable people buried in Arlington in preparation for their exam. With their rigorous training, hours of marching, and rifle drill, they have little time for anything else.
10. Each guard spends five hours each day getting his uniforms ready for this duty.
11. In 2003, as Hurricane Isabella approached Washington and while Congress took 2 days off in anticipation of the dangers of this storm, these guards stood their duty. Soaked to the skin, they continued to march their rounds in the pelting rain of a tropical storm. They had been offered the opportunity to suspend this assignment but refused; stating that such duty was not simply an assignment, but was the highest honor afforded to a serving member of the military.

Honor indeed should be given to our troops serving in defense of freedom around the world today, and to those who have done likewise in every conflict where Americans have been called to do so. Greater veneration still is due those who made the ultimate sacrifice for those they served with and for the nation that honors them this day. May this day serve as a reminder to us all that the cost of liberty sometimes carries a very high price indeed; and may we remember to accord them equal esteem on every other day that we live in freedom.

The Operative Term

I have been thinking about many of the upcoming campaigns a bit lately, and while the duration of the one for the highest office in the land has become all but interminable, I must say that my curiosity is piqued. Being a commenter on politics in general for a while now, on the process, and occasionally on the people involved; I sometimes ponder what it might be like to be on the other side. 


Don't get me wrong here folks, I have no aspirations nor any intentions of seeking elected office. I have far to many skeletons in my closet (a problem that increasingly makes it difficult to hang up my clothes) to even consider such an effort. My irresponsible nature likewise precludes me from hold a position of any responsibility, let alone authority. Even if I were interested (and believe me I'm not) there's the fact that I am by self-definition a Curmudgeon, and the tendency to be a cranky bastard would make me a difficult candidate for anyone to warm up to. 


All of that being said however, I believe that I might prove of some small value to the efforts of someone in seeking office. After all, I have a rather extensive and successful career of over thirty years in sales and marketing to draw upon that might be of some worth in the 'selling' of a candidate to the voting public. I have likewise been told that I have some meager ability to string together words coherently (not that you could tell it from this effort), which might prove useful in preparing both press releases and speeches. With the exercise of considerable effort, I can even occasionally manage to control my temper for short periods in what often seems like interminable meetings about campaign strategy. 


As a consequence, I cannot help but find myself wondering whether it would be worthwhile to offer my services to a worthy candidate as a political operative. Some of my acquaintance (and that I greatly respect) have offered themselves up to such service at one time or another in the past. Roland Hansen operated for some years as both an elected official and political operative. Maggie Thurber has likewise both held elected political office and worked to help others do so. Denise Soper, though never having run for office, certainly contributed greatly to a recent political campaign in NW Ohio. And while I have no prior experience in such efforts and would certainly expect to hold no more than a minor position at best, the idea of helping someone worthy of being elected to reach that goal is somewhat intriguing. 


Of course it's entirely possible that my efforts would stink worse than a cheap cigar (something I try to remain unfamiliar with). Such efforts require not only talent, but dedication; and my reserves of both were never all that extensive. It's also entirely possible that such thoughts are as self-serving as many of the politicians who put themselves forward for election. Altruism, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder; and one person's dedication is another's self-serving fanaticism. It may be that the idea of putting the term 'political operative' on my resume is what I find so fascinating, and not the concept of entering the struggle to see an able person fill a necessary role. 


Motives are after all, something that we should always call into question where politics is concerned. Who is the person seeking office and of what is their character made? What are their qualifications for office and what are the reasons that they seek to serve? Would the siren song of power and authority over others make them fall prey to the corrupting influences that surround office holders, or could this person be counted on to remain true to their principles after election?  


Even my own aspirations to perhaps play a minor role will bear much greater scrutiny before I would be willing to cast a vote. Would participating in the process in particular contaminate my ability to comment on it in general? Would crossing this line make me part of the problem or part of the solution? Would I have to wear a campaign button? (I really hate campaign buttons.) I have to admit that there is something about the concept that I find rather compelling though. Motive, Qualifications, Worthiness, Principle, and Character ... there are many words that could in fact be said to be operative terms to be considered in such a decision ...

Political Candidates: A 'Royal' Pain in the Ass

You know, it's bad enough that we have to put up with what has become an almost never-ending campaign season without having politicians add insult to injury. I understand that candidates have to raise money to match the riches of Croesus in order to run these days, and must therefore begin the process of large scale begging far earlier than politicians of prior generations. I understand as well that when the president isn't making a speech that shows his inability to function without a teleprompter, we have to put up with the lunacy of 24 hour a day coverage of who's running, who's not, and who all the really smart people would like to have running against the President in these early days of the campaign. I even understand that the game of politics can only be played these days if the candidate is the quarterback surrounded by a large team of handlers, writers, and countless other minions to operate on their every whim. 


Of course most of these skill players only exist to keep the candidate from making a fatal misstep in front of cameras or constituents. (Which begs the question of whether Newt Gingrich's leadership skills should be judged by his campaign's early faux pas. But that's a question for another day ...) The last time that I looked however, it was still individual candidates who were announcing their intention to run for office. It seems however, that it's not enough that we have to put up with overflowing hubris, rampant egotism, and only a vague pretense of false modesty in our candidates. 


Now we have to deal with an apparent assumption of a mantle of nobility by candidates running for elected office, a concept that I thought this country was formed to belie. At least that's what I am forced to conclude based on the fact that so many feel the need to refer to themselves in the third person, and with the royal "We". 


Now I know that we've all grown used to the third party speech pattern from the examples given by the monumental egos of professional athletes. For like politicians, they too are brands to be marketed, and as such they often refer to themselves like brand names. Since I am a big fan of capitalism, it would hardly be consistent of me not to cut them some slack for the use of such language in their efforts. I likewise understand that politicians must in the end be sold to the voting public, so some third party rhetoric is necessary (though I suppose that something in me would prefer elected officials not to be bought and sold). 


I would prefer however, that such candidates not treat the process as if they were visiting royalty and not someone shilling for a vote. I don't care what 'WE' think about Obamacare, or what 'OUR' plan might be to solve the spending and deficit crisis in this country. Neither do I care what 'OUR' energy policy might be or what 'WE' plan to do to solve the impending insolvency of Social Security and Medicare. 


Annoyance at this assumed pose of aristocracy in fact often overshadows the ideas being put forward (good and bad); and obscure information that should be the basis on which we decide who might best serve the nation. Attempts at presumed nobility will not make a bad idea a good one, nor will an assumption of false eminence do anything to further policies and ideas that have long since been proven to be a failure. 


It's far past time that candidates learned to speak to us as a person, and from the heart about what they believe. Unlike many in this country lately, I manage to vote every time that an election is held (which reminds me that I need to change the address on my voting registration). As a consequence, I am getting a pretty regular view of the documents used to cast a vote. The last time I looked (not all that long ago), there was room for only one name on the ballot for each job. Since that's the case, perhaps its far past time that those running for elective office thin their internal herd while speaking to us. 


Of course maybe I've got this all wrong. Maybe this is not an assumption aristocracy, but an admission of multiple personality disorder; in which case these politicians may simply be trying to give us a heads up as to the nature and extent of their condition. Quite frankly I hope so. The other possibility, that they feel that by seeking such an exalted position of elected service, that they are somehow catapulted into a societal stratosphere that constitutes royalty in this country, is simply too terrible a thing to contemplate. 


You know, the story is frequently told that Admiral Hyman Rickover of nuclear navy fame had something to say on this subject. His comment was that, "Three groups are permitted that usage: pregnant women, royalty, and schizophrenics. Which one are you?" I can only add to that sentiment in a small way, by repeating what Queen Victoria is said to have stated, "We are not amused".

TFP Column: A Victimless Crime

OK, so I spend too much time watching "NCIS" and "Criminal Minds", what of it?


How else can you explain connecting the dots between Union pension plans in Toledo and Kansas City with crime? Sure we're talking about police officers here, the guys who catch the bad guys (at least when they are using them to negotiate their contracts). We are likewise talking about contract terms that are all but highway robbery of taxpayers (and never a cop around when you need one). Then there's trying to dispel some of the myths about the recent law (SB5) passed in Ohio that restricts the ability of government workers to negotiate contracts with with those in office with whom they live a sick symbiotic relationship. But what has any of that got to do with crime? 


You're going to have to figure it out by reading "A Victimless Crime", already posted on the toledofreepress.com website. I did all of the damage that I could do just by writing this piece connecting information supplied by the Buckeye Institute and in the Kansas City Star (and all without without having Ducky, the other Tim, Abby or Penelope to help).

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Without knowing what will be coming up in both the Star and regular Free Press editions, I can tell you that you are going to want to read both. It is after all the Memorial Day Weekend coming up, and no one will be more in the know about what's happening in Toledo and Northwest Ohio than those keeping up in Toledo's larges Sunday circulation newspaper, the Toledo Free Press. (Now if you'll excuse me, NCIS is about to come on ...)

Yet Another Threat (yeah, yeah ....)

Phones at 1-800-RATBUTT were ringing off the wall at the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security last week! OK, maybe not ringing off the walls, but they were REALLY BUSY! Well OK, not really busy, but they were busy. Alright, alright, there were two phone calls the entire week. One was the wrong number and the other person must have had asthma, since all I could hear on the other end of the line was labored breathing. (Hey, wait a minute ...)

With such encouragement, how could I do less than once more delve into the realm of secret and nefarious organizations attempting to assume some level of evil influence in this country. One might even go so far as to say that with the recently formed DJBSS at my disposal, I could now be considered the Geraldo Rivera or John Stossel of such investigations. (Of course, such consideration can be made with the clear understanding that the only similarity between the three of us is that we all have a mustache.)

In this week's startling report, we shine the light of absurdity (the light of truth had already been checked out by Rush Limbaugh and he still hasn't brought the damn thing back) on a cadre of electronic miscreants who have plagued the World Wide Web almost since its inception, otherwise known as the Terrible Responses in Otherwise Legitimate Locations group.

The goal of these TROLLs course, is to disrupt the free flow of ideas on the Internet through the posting of comments that are at a minimum shamefully spelled, at best poorly written, and which usually seem to have nothing to do with the subject at hand.

Their offerings in fact, may be the first form of Internet porn; being often obscene, generally disgusting, and with no redeeming social value. In offering these perverse attacks however, TROLLs often manage to distract the discussion from a legitimately debated topic. Falling into the verbal trap set by these minions of mindless pap, subsequent responders misguidedly attempt to either refute the information provided or lose track of the argument at hand by seeking to berate an agent of disinformation that has long since moved on to another target.

Interestingly enough, this aggregation of electronic evildoers has managed to take their appellation mainstream by way of cover, with the term troll becoming the generic brand for them and their odious offerings; and engendering no more curiosity than does the term JELLO. (Oh the stories I could tell you about JELLO. But perhaps another time ...) Not unlike many malefactors before them, their current nome de guerre was not in fact their first selection. Originally known as the Intermittent Disruption of Internet Operational Transmissions group, they were perhaps more aptly named; but members quickly grew tired of calling themselves IDIOTs and moved to change it.

Regardless of the alias they travel under however, these villains have managed to grow their membership at a rate even greater than the growth of Internet use itself. With recruitment proving a success amongst all major religions and across the political spectrum, TROLLs have become so numerous that they are now often reduced to taking on each other in the comment sections of blogs and newspaper web sites in a form of perverse self-gratification.

TROLLs can usually be distinguished from their fellows on the information superhighway by their bastardization of the English language, their atrocious grammar, and by the serious misuse of the 'Caps Lock' key. They can also frequently be identified by hideous attempts at anonymity through what they consider to be clever screen names, or their even more clever efforts to hide through the use of the screen name 'Anonymous'.

There is no true defense against TROLLs, though those with private blog sites can choose to 'Moderate' their misdeeds out of electronic existence. For the more public sites, while the practice of moderation might seem the more prudent course of action, they in fact secretly enjoy TROLLs efforts. Such distractions often encourage people to return to a site frequently in order to vent their displeasure, driving up hit rates and as a consequence, Internet ad revenues.

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES call the DJBSS with reports on TROLLs at 1-800-RATBUTT (OK, go ahead. It's not like we get many calls anyway. But don't expect me to actually answer.) The truth of it is that I don't want to know because I long ago stopped giving a 'rat's ass' about the maunderings of these illiterate and irredeemable electronic lowlifes. Putting up with a TROLL is never pleasant, but is simply part of the price that we pay for being a free society and enjoying the free exchange of information.,

As a consequence of the level of threat engendered on a ongoing basis by TROLLs however, the DBJSS terror threat is being raised to the obvious color of YELLOW.

Be advised ...