Fractured Fairy Tales - The Little Dutch Boy Of Toledo

Hello boys and girls, and welcome once again to "Fractured Fairy Tales". These slightly twisted fables of an imaginary land known as Toodledeedoo (pronounced Toodle-dee-doo) have amused and fascinated so many over time. OK, they have slightly amused some once in a while. Alright, they bring a smile to my face from time to time as I am writing them. At any rate, it's time for another one, so let's waste any more precious time and get right to it.


Once upon a time in the mythical land of Toodledeedoo there lived a little boy named Carty (OK, he was actually a man, but trust me when I tell you that he was really immature). Now it seems as though this man was walking through town one day when he noticed the city's dike. Now the dike (which for some strange reason was called Budget) was important to the town, as it provided the protection for Toodledeedoo, and made the town a livable place where people and businesses could flourish. (Hey no snickering here, I said it was a Fairy Tale.)


Now Carty worked for the city, and one of his jobs was to make sure that the dike (Budget) was OK. You could say in fact, that one of his jobs was to make sure that the Budget was doing its job (and I just did). Carty wasn't very good at this job however, and seemed to go out his way to perform this service poorly. 


The Budget tried to protect the city, and Carty would poke a hole in it to water some flowers, flowering shrubs, and things that say welcome. Someone would come along and patch that hole and Carty would poke another one in, this time to help the Erie Street Market grow (it didn't). The Budget would get patch for that hole, and Carty would poke another one in to keep COSI alive until somebody could figure out what to do with it. Another patch would be provided, but soon another hole would get poked, this time to help win a contest that no one had ever heard of or cared if we won. Patched once again, the Budget continued to try to hold back the waters, but Carty poked yet another hole in it, this time try and bring back a shopping mall that had died. (It stayed dead.)

It seemed that no matter how many times someone came along to patch the Budget for Toodledeedoo, it's keeper Carty would poke yet another hole in it. In all fairness to Carty, he sometimes tried to fix the holes in the Budget himself, usually by stuffing them with things like furloughs that he wasn't supposed to use; but being Carty his fixes only created bigger holes that required even more fixing. Sometimes some of the other things that he did (like getting himself and the city sued for doing other parts of his job) made holes in the Budget all by themselves, and once again repair was required. 


Finally, it seemed that Carty's efforts had all but destroyed the Budget and only massive sacrifices on the part of the citizens would allow the Budget, and Toodledeedoo to survive. Looking to their future, it was obvious to even the most dense of its citizens that even greater sacrifice would be required to keep this Budget functioning ... or they were going to have to find a different protector of the Budget. 


Now this might seem unlikely, as on previous occasions these same citizens had given Carty back his job every time that he asked, and all previous efforts to remove him from this job had proven unsuccessful in spite of his poor job performance. But so egregious were his poor performance and so great was the damage done however, that this time our ne'er do well keeper of the Budget might indeed have to look for another job.


Like many of the Fairy Tales about Toodledeedoo, this story doesn't have an end yet. There appears however, to be enough anger out there in the citizens of this fair city that change may finally be in the wind. A group of citizens called "Take Back Toledo" has begun to get organized. It appears that this time the torches are being lit and pitchforks have been sharpened. I haven't seen any tar and feathers yet, but I'm sure that they can't be far behind. I suspect that the end, at least for Carty, and a new beginning for Toodledeedoo is closer than ever before.