On The Other Foot

For those of you who somehow missed it, Iraqi TV journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi through his shoes at President Bush during a press conference held as part of a surprise visit to that city. A surprisingly nimble Bush dodged the shoe, sustaining no injury, and got on with the event. The reporter, not surprisingly, was detained by the Iraqi authorities.

The point of mentioning this is not that the Secret Service detail did not exactly perform its assigned duties in the most stellar fashion. (Oh that had to be a fun employee evaluation for a couple of people afterward.) It is also not a political comment on the President's standing in the Arab community in general, and Iraq in particular (though some would like to make it so). The point of mentioning this story is to point out the complete loss of objectivity in the press these days.

Not content to slant stories to a particular point of view while supposedly telling them objectively, no longer willing to simply tell the stories that illustrate a particular point of view, no longer happy to advance their own agendas rather than report the facts; reporters now feel the need to become the story, using action instead of argument to make their point. You might legitimately call this an isolated incident (so far) and believe this is not something generally expected from the press, but Abdel-Bari Atwan, editor of the London-based newspaper A-Quds Al-Arabi rather than condemn the act, wrote that it was "a proper goodbye for a war criminal". Other members of the press in a show of support are calling for his immediate release.

If the mainstream media would like to know why their audience is deserting them, if they would like to know why they are held in increasing lower respect, if they would like to know why everything that they put forth is now questioned they have only to look at this incident. The line between journalism and editorializing has been further blurred. The truth of the matter is that line may have faded away completely, erased by those who were its guardians. But for today the story is not the press conference but the press itself, and the shoe is on the other foot (or at least it was until he threw it).

 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #14

Once again, we turn our attention to the curious tome known as the Stuck on Stupid Dictionary of Toledo. This growing piece of ... reference material (almost got you, didn't I) contains words nominally part of the English language, but which have special meaning in Toledo, Ohio.



Suburban:

1. The residential area outside of a city or large town.  
2. A pejorative expression that the mayor uses to describe a resident of such a residential area disagreeing with him or taking opposing view. 
3. A person of apparently no standing, intelligence, or class who likewise has no reason to be poking their nose into the affairs of the city of Toledo whether they do business in or pay taxes to that municipality or not. 

 

Weekend Retreat

I was forced to halt my travels for the week after visiting a newspaper and a friend in Panama City, FL. As you can see from the picture, there are worse places to have to hang out for a couple of nights.


Before jealousy overcomes you however, and you begin to cast aspersions upon my name and what little reputation that I have left, remember that it is not summer here either. The high was only in the upper 50's today, and if I decide to walk the beach (and trust me, I will), I will probably be doing it with a jacket on. 

Besides, after driving over 2000 miles since last Sunday (and having managed to negotiate a pretty damn good room rate here), I figure that I am due a day on the beach to recharge the batteries.

TFP Column

After missing a week, I have once more had a column accepted by editor in chief Michael Miller at the Toledo Free Press (Please pause for the playing of "Hail to the Chief"). This week's effort is my own poor commentary on one of the most exciting things to hit Toledo since ... well, since the Toledo Free Press entered the scene. That of course being the "='Take Back Toledo' effort that was announced in last week's edition. I won't spoil the surprise for those of you who haven't been exposed to this effort, but I hope that you enjoy my particular take on it.

While visiting the TFP website, I encourage you, as always, to take the time to catch up on all of the news that is fit to print in Toledo and Northwest Ohio, as well as some of the first class editorial work that the TFP is becoming known for (no thanks to me).

 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #13

Maggie Thurber, of the famous "Thurber's Thoughts", has presented your humble lexicographer (look it up yourself, I had to) with an interesting challenge in one of her most recent postings for the SOS Dictionary.


For those of you unfamiliar with this hallowed tome, it is a compilation of words and phrases nominally part of the English language; but with special use and meaning here in Toledo, Ohio.

Never being one to be able to turn down a meaningless (ironic choice of words, don't you think?) and pointless challenge, I have attempted to rise to the occasion. Here therefore, is our most recent addition:  

Cabal:  

1. A group of people secretly uniting in a plot (such as to overthrow a government).
2. A group of people publicly uniting (through the use of a website, published materials in local media, and announcements on local radio and TV stations) in an attempt to take back the government of Toledo from a previously formed cabal.  
3. The previously formed group of people who have been manipulating that same local government from behind the scenes and in secret for many years. (Is it just me, or does there seem to be a certain level redundancy to these definitions?)

Oversight Is Overlooked

As everyone is well aware of by now, Congress passed a massive $700,000,000,000.00 (the number looks as scary as it actually is if you use all the zeros) bailout program to keep the US financial system from suffering a catastrophic crash. In pushing through this emergency legislation, Congress insisted that officials be named to act as a watchdog for the taxpayer's money. 

Each House of Congress had its own version of this watchdog function and it's own unique way of selection. Now that we are fully two months into the full-scale "bailing" and with nearly half of the $700 Billion allocated, I thought that you might be interested in hearing how those Congressional watchdogs were doing in the performance of their duties.  

The Senate Monday approved the appointment of a federal prosecutor to be a special inspector general for oversight of the bailout. The vote on that appointment was delayed by two weeks by the anonymous hold of a member of the Senate, but even if this act of unadmitted cowardice had not occurred, it would have taken six weeks after the money was approved and was being handed out for the Senate to get around to the vote to approve a watchdog.  This doesn't mean that anyone has actually been appointed yet, that a staff has been assembled, data collected, or that the actual work had begun; only that someone can now be appointed to the position.  

The House on the other hand chose to appoint a five member special oversight panel in late November. This group of fiscal sentinels has met only once to date since being formed. Thus far, the only results of their meetings is that one of the five has already quit their job. Their first report on their efforts was due out yesterday, so we will have to see how diligent in their assigned task they have been.  

Update: The Congressional Committee has released its reports, querying 10 the Treasury Departments decisions and asking if its strategies are "an adequate response to the financial crisis". (Pretty good for two months and one meeting.)  

Let me repeat for those of you who missed it earlier, HALF OF THE MONEY HAS ALREADY BEEN HANDED OUT! As we now look forward to Congress passing their bailout of the automobile industry, and appointing a "car Czar" (Is anyone else concerned that we are naming this watchdog after a Russian ruler, whose title is taken from the Roman one of Caesar?) to be some part of the oversight of this $15 Billion, we have to wonder if they will do equally well in the assigned responsibility of guarding this money.  

Congress has proved itself a horrible watchdog of taxpayer money over the years, but has reached a new low in recent months. It is now little more than an fat and lazy hound, more worried about sleeping in the sun and its own food bowl than its responsibilities. Instead of removing our valuables from its care however, we seem intent on putting more of the family fortune in the care of this mangy mutt. Which forces me to ask the question:

How long will we overlook Congress's lack of oversight?

 

Bailing Out The Things We Need

I think that I have finally figured out the Congressional thinking on the penchant for government bailouts, and strangely enough the connection came to mind while watching an old Steve Martin movie, "The Jerk".

For those of you unfamiliar with the plot of this engaging little comedy, it is a 1979 Rob Reiner movie that follows the life of Navin R. Johnson, a white man adopted as a child by a southern black family. Johnson is an innocent and mostly clueless individual who blissfully stumbles through life until almost by accident becoming rich and famous by creating a ridiculous handle for eyeglasses called the "opti-grab". 

Unfortunately for our hero, his fame and riches are short-lived however, when it's discovered that his invention causes the people who use it to become cross-eyed. Naturally he is sued, and in the settlement our intrepid inventor loses everything that he owns. Despondent, he turns to drinking and begins a personal spiral downward. It is at that low point that we join Navin, as he decides to walk away from everything in his life, taking only what he deems necessary to survive.

"And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this." he says, picking up an ashtray. "I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair."

There it is in a nutshell folks ... Congressional thinking on solutions to the current financial crisis!

All we need to do is bail out the Wall Street firm Bear Sterns and that's it... oh and Goldman Sachs, we need to bail them out too, but that's all. Wait, we need to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac too, but just the the two Wall Street firms and the two mortgage groups ... oh and their insurance company AIG, but that's it. Just Bear Sterns, Goldman Sachs, Fannie and Freddie, and AIG need to be bailed out and that's all for sure. And the other banks, we need to bail them out too. But that's it, just the Wall Street firms, Fannie and Freddie, AIG, and the banks ... oh and the Big 3 of the auto industry. We need to bail them out too, but that's it. We just need to bail out Bear Sterns, Goldman Sachs, Fannie, and Freddie, AIG, the banks, GM, Ford, and Chrysler; but that's all we need to bail out...

And once again, the truth proves to be even stranger than fiction. Once more we find ourselves confronting a reality far more ridiculous than the anything ever produced in Hollywood. Isn't it sad (and sadly fitting), that our elected leaders can be summed up so completely by a fictional character of no intelligence and little common sense? Isn't it amazing that our government's solution to what may be the most critical problem of our age seems to be coming out of a slapstick comedy from almost 30 years ago? Don't laugh through your tears too quickly yet my friends. It is after all, your money that they are using to make these bailouts and it appears that Congress hasn't made it completely out the door yet. I wouldn't be surprised if they found a couple of more things that they "need" to add before they finally walk away. 

 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #12

I apologize for being remiss in not making regular additions to this definitive tome of translation for the language spoken in Toledo. Other responsibilities have taken far too much precedence. I promise to be more diligent in the future however and will attempt not to let earning a living further get in the way of such higher purposes. Here are some new entries for you however.

 Vendetta:  

1. A hostile act or exchange of acts committed in a vengeful manner.  
2. An act of retaliation or revenge perpetrated by anyone who attempts to redress the ills committed by the mayor of Toledo.  
3. The response to any such action by both the mayor and the local daily newspaper, such response to be carried out with the full force and power of every branch of said government and both the news and editorial sections of said newspaper.


 Cheerleader:  
1. One who calls for or directs organized cheering.
2. A semi-deranged politician whose maniacal rants prove that he is in desperate need of medication adjustment. Vocalizations of such an individual need not follow proper sentence structure, proper grammar, or even make sense while illustrating the emotional state of this obviously unbalanced politician. 

 

A Writer

Like most, I was subject to grand aspirations in my youth. Hockey player, astronaut, scientist, actor, and teacher were all on my list at one time in my life. I even thought that I had a calling to be a Catholic priest until the implications of a life of chastity managed to penetrate the raging hormones controlling my body at the time. 

One thing that remained constant through all of those periods however was my desire to be a writer. Writers were cool guys who smoked pipes and wore tweed jackets and spoke intelligently and eloquently on a wide ranging number of subjects. Writers lived in exciting places, knew interesting people, and collected neat stuff (like Clive Cussler's car collection). Writer's worked long hours, but didn't have to go into the office and usually didn't have bosses. 

To seek that particular goal, I did what you were supposed to do and wrote. Bad poetry, pointless essays, and nonsensical short stories, I wrote them all. I even fancied myself a lyricist, and attempt to become the Bernie Taupin of my time. (Bernie Taupin, for those of you who don't know, wrote many of the lyrics for Elton John's most famous songs.) 

Fortunately for the reading public, none of those efforts were ever brought to light. As I grew older and gained the responsibilities of family and job, these aspirations were set aside in the interest of doing what was necessary to provide for my family and advance my career (such as it was). In those days the only thing that got written were business proposals and the endless reports that make so many jobs all but unbearable. Writing then was a burden, and projects were taken on with the same sense of dread that a visit to the dentist usually engenders. 

Eventually however, I reached a point where I was writing technical manuals when called for. Later I began to write some of the advertising copy for the companies that I worked for and I found myself bitten by the writing bug again. When personal circumstances provided me with far more free time than I wanted, I found myself filling that void with writing, even managing to produce of work of novel length if not publishing quality. 

Change continued, and while most of that free time thankfully disappeared, the writing continued, with this blog fulfilling my need to write things that I felt were worth sharing. I would love to tell you that all of these efforts were brilliant, but they weren't. Some of them at least reached the level of clever however, and I believe that the gaps between those clever efforts is not as great as they once were.  

The reason that I bring all of this up this weekend is that I just submitted my first invoice for the columns that I have been writing for the Toledo Free Press. In addition to being willing to print what I write, the TFP has likewise agreed to pay me for my efforts. It's not a lot of money, but then again, I'm not that much of a writer. 

So while I didn't manage to become an astronaut, a teacher, or a priest (something for which I feel my children and grandchildren might be grateful for), while I don't smoke a pipe (at least not when a cigar is close at hand), and I don't live in an exciting place (though it is occasionally interesting), I believe that I have crossed a threshold. For when they pay you for it, you are indeed a writer.

The New, New Deal

I was listening to the president elect outline the beginnings of his economic plan. This plan, for those of you who haven't been paying attention, proposes to create (or save) 2.5 million jobs by building roads, bridges, and schools; while also focusing on alternative energy and more efficient cars.  Now a couple of things seemed kind of funny about this to me, so being the kind of person that I am, I had to sit back to think about it.

My first concern was pretty obvious, and it was because of all the comparisons that the media made to this economic plan and FDR’s New Deal. For those of you who don’t spend far too much time reading history books (or watching the History Channel), the New Deal was a series of programs instituted by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt between 1933 and 1936 in an attempt to turn around the country during The Great Depression which began with the stock market crash of 1929. FDR’s programs provided jobs for many people who needed them at the time by massive infrastructure projects like building dams, roads, and bridges. 

Of course this New Deal also created the foundation of the welfare state, strengthened the union’s position in collective bargaining, and created Social Security (but that’s a topic for another day and posting). While these programs did provide jobs for many out of work Americans, they did not however end the Great Depression. Many historians in fact believe that these programs in fact delayed the recovery of the American economy through its interference; and that the Depression only ended when the country entered World War II and went into a wartime economy. 

The second part of this second New Deal is that the infrastructure jobs being proposed seem to me to be predominantly union jobs. Road and bridge repairs are usually done by unionized workers at each state’s respective Department of Transportation. School’s are usually built under government bids, which in non-right to work states like Ohio means that they must pay “prevailing wage” (union scale) and in some cases, must be performed by union workers. The money proposed for creation of fuel-efficient vehicles will undoubtedly go to the Big Three, and not overseas manufacturers like Toyota, Nissan, and KIA (who already make such vehicles). 

As a consequence, this money will make its way down to union auto workers. Quite frankly, the only part of this package that doesn’t seem to make its way directly into the hands of union employees is that being directed to alternative energy. I’m not an expert on the subject of alternative energy companies (or anything else for that matter), but based on the other programs I am forced to conclude that I have simply not figured out the union connection to this part of the program and not that there is none. 

I would like to see the president-elect and his economic team come up with some bold new economic initiatives. I would like to see this new administration successful in stimulating the economy, and ending the recent downward spiral. I would also like to see something come from government other than handing out taxpayer dollars in programs designed to benefit only a select type of worker (and I think you know what I mean). I would like our president-elect to show us some real change instead of trotting out tired "old" ideas that didn't work when tried under similar circumstances before I was even born.