Flowers & Fertilizer

Once again, Toledo has won an award for flowers planted in the city, as pointed out in this Toledo Blade article. 

America in Bloom, a non-profit organization (much like Toledo these days) has presented the city with a "heritage preservation" award for cities over 100,000 in population. Of course the fact that Toledo was the only city in this category to enter the contest might have something to do with the win. 

At a time when the city looks to be up to 7 million dollars in the red for the current fiscal budget, isn't it nice to know that we have the money to plant flowers, care for them, and of course rip them out when they die in the now cooling temperatures. At a time when jobs and residents are leaving the city at an alarming and almost unprecedented rate, isn't it nice to know that we have the time to focus on finding and entering such pointless contests. 

I would like to call this kind of behavior putting "lipstick on a pig", but that phrase has become more than a little tired these days. I will instead, suggest that the title of Mayor be removed from the office that Carlton S. Finkbeiner now holds in Toledo, and suggest instead that he be called, "Fertilizer Spreader In Chief", in homage to his success in spreading taxpayer dollars and natural fertilizer with equal alacrity in order to make pretty flowers grow. 

Off To Foreign Lands ... Again

As the title implies, I am once again leaving our fair shores on Sunday in the name of business, and as part of what I believe is a secret program to raise the national IQ (at least on a temporary basis). I suspect in fact, that this may some part of a larger international "sweeps week", and that forcing another country to take credit (or blame) for me is part of a program to improve a national reputation that has taken significant hits recently. 

I will once more be journeying south, this time to Bogota, Columbia. As with most of my previous foreign travel, I am completely ignorant of the city and country that I will be journeying to, deriving any information that I have from news reports over the years of the drugs that come from this country and of course the original "Romancing The Stone" movie. I am reasonably certain that I will be quickly disabused of all of my present stereotypes, since neither of these sources can be considered in any way credible (OK, maybe "Romancing The Stone" is). 

As I did with my travels to Trinidad (which I only discovered today is north of where I am going this time), I will attempt to post something from this foreign land, with pictures if I manage to take any worth sharing. While not looking forward to long hours in an airplane (a recognized form a torture which has been banned by the Geneva Convention), I will at least be able to escape for a few days the political nonsense that is winding up to a fever pitch in this country. While working long hours at the newspaper, I will at least be able to escape the endless political commercials, nonsensical pundits, and news reports filled with quotes of candidates saying the same things that they have said before when I return to my hotel and turn on the TV (of course I probably won't be able to understand the shows on TV, but that too may be a good thing). Basking in what I hope will be the relative peace and quiet of that setting, I hope to regain some perspective on life before immersing myself once again in the final stampede to election day. 

I have great faith that those remaining behind are more than up to the challenge of containing the madness and maintaining order in my absence. They may in fact be considering this a vacation for themselves. As the saying goes... "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and the more he's absent, the fonder I become of it." 

 

The Rites Of Fall

Fall is once again in full bloom. The leaves are turning, temperatures are moderating, and children are once more back in school. The Rites of Fall are likewise in full bloom. 

No, I am not talking about the World Series, the beginning of the football season, or even pre-season hockey. I am talking instead about something with far fewer rules, far more bad behavior, and far more devastating results. In other words boys and girls, election season. 

We are once again in the midst of what is simultaneously the most interesting, most boring, and most despicable of human behaviors. Trapped in front of our televisions and radios, we are subjected to a non-stop stream of "half-truths, mistruths, and outright lies" (a quote previously misused by a local Toledo politician which I just love).  

Understanding our addiction to these evil technologies, our politicians take advantage of our illness in order to subject us to an endless stream of fertilizer and hatred (most of which is wild mis-characterization) in order to convince us that they are to be trusted enough to lead us. Like hunters who are not content to shoot a prey chained to a stake, they must also spray bullets all around, wounding innocent bystanders in the process.  

This behavior crosses all parties lines, is participated in by liberal and conservative alike, and even crosses lines of gender. Nothing is sacrosanct, nothing is off limits, and nothing is out of bounds. The normal proscriptions against attacking women, children, or beliefs goes out the window in the headlong struggle to achieve a little power and a fat government paycheck (or the equivalent government funding). 

All rules are out the window in this ultimate fighting match where winning is the only measure of success. Each contestant slings filth in every direction while simultaneously decrying the practice. No blame is accepted, no guilt is felt, and the only respite taken is one used to beat one's breast while asserting a claim of being the victim of an unfounded character attack. 

 Fortunately for all of us, the regular season is short and the playoffs are well under way. The coaches, fans, and press of this bloodsport, blinded by an almost religious fervor, run helter-skelter down the field, keeping pace with the players themselves. At break neck speed and completely out of control, the process races along to the finish line; crushing contestants and bystanders alike in its furious pace. Our only salvation is that in but another few weeks the winners will be crowned, the losers will be able to seek redress in the courts, and flush with new won power our leaders will all go back to "business as usual". 

This is the world that we have created in our own image, cage matches where two enter and one leaves. This is what we have done with the legacy handed down to us by a group of dedicated revolutionaries 232 years ago who risked their very lives to provide us with a freedom that we have turned into little more than a pay-per-view gladiatorial spectacle. 

And perhaps these competitions, like those in the past, signal the end of an empire. Perhaps we have finally bastardized the process beyond all redemption, and like the Roman Empire, begun our slow decline into oblivion. I still hold out some vague hope that such is not the case, but I will leave those conclusions to the judgment of history. Meanwhile like it or not, these are the true "Rites of Fall".

 

Cell Phones: Accessible Annoyance

An interesting posting on Roland's Ramblings caused me to make use of my personal "Wayback Machine" to dredge up a bit of nonsense that I had written before Just Blowing Smoke existed as a blogspot blog. I have updated and edited it as my own small way of paying homage to Mr. Hansen, a constant source of interesting information. 

I don't know about you, but one of the most annoying things in my life today is the cell phone. You can't seem to go to a restaurant, family gathering, or even church (or at least, so I have been told) without one of these marvels of modern technology interrupting the event. Not content with this level of intrusion into our lives however, the manufacturers of these electronic Torquemada torture devices have added the ability to listen to music, text message, and even receive emails 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is now no longer anywhere we can go or any time of the day when our friends, our customers, and our employers can't disturb some part of our lives with something of inestimable importance (at least to them). 

Whoever thought that one of the greatest pleasures of the modern age might become the chance of being inaccessible to our fellow human beings for however brief a time? Why is it that the ability to communicate with other people at times and in places where any sane person would once have been ashamed to do so is now not only acceptable, but necessary behavior? When did being at the beck and call of any yahoo with the ability to sign a two year contract and a yen to share information become the goal in and point of our lives? When did we reach a point in civilization when no one is content unless they are constantly communicating useless information with a person that they cannot see every minute of their probably pointless lives? 

And don't even get me started on the subject of personalized ringers (oops, too late). I know that it's supposed to be cute, but so is a baby alligator until it bites you. Is it possible that people might realize that their current favorite song (or that from the night they lost their virginity) might not something that everyone wants to hear every time some idiot wants to extend their electronic social life? Isn't it burden enough that we have to share the musical tastes of every juvenile delinquent with bass enhancement each time they pull up next to us at a stop light without having to suffer it in places where such vehicles are not allowed? No offense to those of you out there sharing these bits of melodic rhapsody with the world (OK, maybe some), but your choices usually leave something to be desired. With all of history's music to pick from, you would think that people could find something that doesn't make the fillings in your teeth work loose, and you would be wrong. (And for those of you who still have "Who let the dogs out" on your phone, for shame.)  

Add in the special ringtones for special callers, alert tones for text messages or emails, and the music the phone plays when turning on or off; and you reach a point of mind-numbing tonal madness that we insist on subjecting our friends and neighbors to on an everyday basis in the name of self-amusement.  

And once the din announcing that someone would like to share some part of their idiotic life with you electronically has finally been silenced, you treat us to conversations that nobody cares about, at a decibel level that is suited only to a rock concert. 

While I am sure that their life is important to them (and it should be), can we agree that it means little or nothing to the rest of the world and that the necessity of subjecting us to it ad nauseum just because we happen to be standing within a block of you is ridiculous? Can we likewise agree that perhaps if these people actually had a life, that they wouldn't feel the need to share it with the rest of us quite so much? I can't take it any more! I hereby reject all of the ignorance, lack of good manners, and sheer stupidity of the behavior constantly committed in the name of non-stop, nonsensical cellular communication!

... and that's just my phone. Don't even get me started on how annoying yours is. 

Fractured Fairy Tales - The Boy Who Cried Potential

Yes boys and girls, no matter how much we try to avoid it, it's time once again for another of those wonderful stories that you have all come to know and love. (Hey, no complaints. You just have to read them. I'm the one that has to to write them.) Today's tale is another of those cautionary tales about a magical land that we have come to know and love as "Toodledeedoo". But let's not waste any more time in idle chit-chat and get right to our story. 


Once upon a time their lived a man (well, more of a boy actually), who lived in the magical land of Toodledeedoo. This man/boy was a civil servant, in a position of some authority, and had been given direct responsibility for the economic development of the land. Now this was something that is very important to any community, and unfortunately something that he knew absolutely nothing about. But such was the makeup of this over-age child that this lack of knowledge or skills in no way prevented him from blundering forward at his assigned duties. Time passed, and little of this responsibility was actually accomplished.


Toodledeedo's situation in fact got progressively worse under his stewardship. Soon even blissful ignorance made it impossible for him to ignore the fact that he was failing miserably at this given task, but being the creature he was he decided that if he couldn't fulfill his obligations he would ignore his failures and attempt to draw attention to himself and his supposed efforts anyway. 


So one day, he simply went to one of his failed ventures (in this case the downtown Erie Street Market), and cried, "This building has potential!" Everyone came running to see what all of the fuss was about, but when they came, all that they saw was a sad little man in a sad little place. If once the Erie Street Market had potential, it had long since passed. It was little more these days than an eyesore and a drain on Toodledeedoo's scant resources, and a source of embarrassment to it's citizens. Disgusted at being pulled away from their own lives (and with this tired little performance), they shook their heads and sadly walked away. 


Determined to gain praise when he had failed before, he chose another site. This time standing in front of the closed COSI facility (Center of Science and Industry), and again he shouted, "This building has potential!" Once again everyone came running to see what all the excitement was about. Once again they were disappointed. This time the citizens were being presented with a project whose potential, if it ever had any, had long since passed under intellectual laziness, operational neglect, and poor fiscal management. Once more disgusted with a fuss being made over nothing, they sadly shook their heads and walked away, this time mumbling as they left. Infuriated now over his lack of success in drawing the praise he felt he so richly deserved, and undaunted by his continuing failure to garner the proper attention, our subject tried a third time. 


Standing in front of the United Way building this time, he once again shouted, "This building has potential!" Once more, everyone came running (well actually more like trotting this time, but at least they showed up again). One glance at where he was standing was enough for the crowd this time however. The United Way building had been written off by the very people that it was built for as a white elephant, and merited little more than the demolition the owners already had planned for it. The tired efforts or our sorry little civil servant, having passed mere annoyance by this time, were really beginning to aggravate the populace however. They left again, but not without a few angry shouts about bad judgment, abuse of power, and sheer bull-headed ignorance this time. 


Surprised over his complete failure to garner the praise and attention that he felt he so richly deserved, he finally gave up and began to make his way slowly back to his office. It was while make this somber journey however that it occurred to him that the answer to economic development he was looking for had been right before his eyes all the time. It was something that many had been telling him about for years, but which he pointedly ignored because he hadn't come up with the idea first. Toodledeedoo was on a really big lake (some might even call it great) so it could handle shipping by water, was in the middle of a bunch of great 4-lane roads that could be equally helpful, had an airport that nobody was using for much of anything these days, and was surrounded by rail lines to add to the mix. 


If all of these things could be combined (Can you say intermodal facility?), he could turn Toodledeedoo into a commercial hub for the transportation of goods from one end of the country to the other. This realization struck him so strongly that it was all that he could do to continue walking. Almost in spite of himself, he had finally found the answer he was looking for. (After everyone else of course, but that's beside the point.) "This has potential!" he cried, but this time nobody came. "No, this time I really mean it. This has potential!" he screamed again even more loudly, but again no one came. He screamed and screamed again. He screamed until he finally made himself hoarse, but no one ever came to see what the fuss was about. 


You see, when you abuse the power of your position and falsely claim successes that don't really exist, eventually everyone stops listening. Fed up with the natural fertilizer and noise that you have generated in the past, people eventually wise up, tune you out, and in the end ignore you completely. Even if you come up with a great idea after that, no one will show up to hear you; and it is highly unlikely that any good idea that you come up with will ever be realized as a consequence.

THE END

Let us hope that this is a fate that those of us not living in a fairy tale can yet avoid. Real opportunities don't come very around often, and if you continually pass them up, eventually they stop coming at all. Perhaps such cautionary tales will help to curb the noise and nonsense that some of our civic leaders generate in their need for self-aggrandizement, focus our attention on real opportunities, and give good ideas a chance to yet succeed.

Quote of the Day

An infrequent addition to my repertoire of nonsense (since I already have a Quotes of the Week section), I was never the less struck by this one in light of the days hi jinks in Congress over the "Bailout / Buy In" legislation, and thought that you might be as well.  



The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.  
- Oscar Levant

Trivial Pursuit #2

Once again, I have decided to subject you to the fruits of my hobby of collecting bits of totally useless information. I do this because I find such information endless fascinating, and because the creative spirit occasionally abandons me. Unrepentant about my occasional lapses, it is my hope that you will enjoy them as much as I do.
 

• Two classic expressions are in fact related to each other. The first "Saved By The Bell" comes from a device used to keep from burying people alive. During the 17th century, people were sometimes buried with a bell tied to their hands. If for some reason the newly interned should have been buried mistakenly, they could ring the bell, and be released from their premature grave. The person who monitored this bell (usually at night, since the burial had been performed during the previous day) worked "The Graveyard Shift". As time passed and embalming became a more common practice, the "Saved By The Bell" expression passed into boxing lexicon. It was transformed in the 19th century, where it was used to describe being saved from a knockout by the sound of the bell signaling the end of the round (at the time boxing matches often went 50 or more rounds). The "Graveyard Shift" likewise changed in meaning, becoming the act of working the shift corresponding to those earlier graveyard labors.
• The Chimney was developed during the 13th Century in Europe to help heat houses during a climactic change that was called a mini “Ice Age”
• In old Siam (Thailand), white elephants were so rare that they were automatically considered the property of the emperor when born. To punish people for offense, that emperor would sometimes give them a white elephant, because while they had to care for it, they could neither ride nor work it. Hence the expression, "as useless as a white elephant".
• In the Middle Ages, much like today, no one really much trusted anyone else. With paranoia running rampant, people would often hold their hand out palm up (and empty) to show that they were not going to attack you with a sword when they got to you. This gesture, used to put everyone at ease, evolved into the modern custom of the handshake.
• In the days when the foxhunt was considered good sport, dogs were trained to hunt for that fox by scent. Initially the dogs were trained to follow a scent by dragging a dead fish commonly found in the local waters along the ground. Later as their training progressed, the same kind of fish would be used, dragging it across the scent trail of an actual fox to see if the dogs would now follow the actual prey or the distraction from their earlier training. Hence the expression, “following a red herring". 
• Global warming (if it actually exists) is more likely to produce another Ice Age rather than the flooding of the world’s coasts currently being touted. The most likely scenario is that the melting of the polar cap in the north would reach a tipping point, changing the percentage of fresh water in the North Atlantic. This change, if drastic enough, could potentially stop the Atlantic conveyor belt which is part of the planet’s heat exchange system. This system brings heat to the northern hemisphere from the equator, and is more commonly known as the Gulf Stream. It's loss would cause the entire northern hemisphere to freeze under rampant glaciation.

 

Won The Battle, Losing The War

Don't you feel a stirring of pride when you remember President Reagan saying back in 1987, "Mr Gorbachov, tear down this wall!" ? Don't we all look back at this as the point when the tide was turned in the Cold War against Communism? Does anybody else think today that maybe we started doing the victory lap just a little bit early? 

 Oh I'm not talking about Putin and his nonsense in Georgia. That's important issue of its own and should be of great concern to us, but there is a far graver situation, far closer to home that should be drawing our attention. While we have been fighting the battles to promote Democracy around the world, it seems to me that we have been losing the war promoting it in the US. I can come to no other conclusion after looking at the handling of recent events in the financial markets. 

With barely a dissenting voice to be heard, the Federal government has in a very short space in time, acquired or all but acquired a huge stake in the financial market. With little debate and in the dead of night (or over the weekend), THE BUREAUCRACY in Washington has all but nationalized the mortgage industry with the acquisition of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and and the impending one of AIG. Not only is such an action one that the federal government is not empowered to do under the Constitution, but this gross misappropriation of power has been taken by officials who were elected to no office and are responsible to no voter. 

While Congress hides behind ignorance (and apparently, stupidity), confusion, and the need for time to run campaigns to keep the jobs that they refuse to perform; they have turned over the reigns of power to political appointees and bureaucrats. These backroom generals in turn, while telling us that it is for our own good, have quietly surrendered to strategies right out of the teachings of Karl Marx. 

In the name of the very Democratic government which employs them, they betray the principles on which that government was founded by their actions. In violation of everything that we hold sacred and that they are empowered to defend, these bottom dwelling pencil pushers steal the very freedoms that our government was created to protect. Without public debate or discussion, these slaves to the bureaucratic mentality seek to enslave not only us but future generations, with a crushing burden of debt the like of which has never been seen before. 

What next for these betrayers of Democratic principles and free-market economies? The auto industry is already holding its hand out for subsidies and loans. The airline industry appears to be not far behind if their business does not change substantially. Even Newspapers, fast approaching a potential financial oblivion of their own, could be on the list for a government bailout. 

Will this government, flush from the massive intrusion into the world economy just made, seek new conquests? Will a federal bureaucracy, who for many years has had a goal of expansion and intrusion into the everyday lives of Americans, be allowed to continue on this path without check by a Congress that has shown itself to have a backbone that comes off poorly in comparison with a well cooked bit of fettuccine? Will either politician seeking the highest office in the land stand up against this betrayal of the very democracy that they seek to lead? 

Thomas Jefferson warned us about such dangers, stating: "I sincerely believe, with you, that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies; and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale." I believe that we have all but proved him right in recent days. And as the casualties in this failing battle to defend Democratic principles against the encroachment of Socialism at home mount, we must ask ourselves how many battles we are willing to lose in this war. 

The "Stuck On Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #10

Time is short today, but one entry needs to be posted to the SOS (Stuck On Stupid) Dictionary of terms that mean something slightly different in Toledo, OH.

Bold Initiative

1. Proposals made in a tired effort to expand the influence, intrusion, and control of government. Such proposals are always financed by taxpayer dollars, but in the end serve no real purpose other than to create a "feel good" sound bite for the politician using them as a stepping stone to keep or gain office

Talent

While agonizing recently over my desire to do a better job at writing these little literary gems, I began to think about the talent actually required to do so. It didn't take me long to realize that it was much easier to think about it (and its ramifications) than to possess it. Before I knew it, I was scribbling notes to myself on the subject, and this inevitably led to a list of comparisons in which I, like most, suffer. 

Undaunted by this realization and never wanting to keep such valuable information to myself, I decided to share it with all of you. Look closely if you dare, and decide which side of each statement you might fall on.

• Talent on loan from God (sorry Rush) vs. talent on loan from someone who really, really wanted to loan it out, as it was doing them little good.
• Talent that has a better chance of getting you on "America's Most Wanted" than "American Idol"
• Talent that makes you considered a virtuoso of a piano keyboard instead of the kind that overloads the spell and grammar check functions on a computer from your use of its keyboard.
• Talent that allows you to make a major scientific or medical breakthrough instead of the kind that makes you break through the window of the lab at a hospital.
• Talent that would allow you to spin endlessly fascinating stories rather than that which allows you to endlessly spin in your chair while waiting for inspiration to smile upon you while attempting to write one.
• Talent that would allow you to prepare gourmet meals for yourself and your friends instead of that which allows you to treat fried hot dogs in the macaroni and cheese as such a meal.
• Talent that inspires your friends to explore their own gifts instead of the kind that inspires them to explore the the disinfectant shelf to keep whatever you have from spreading to them.

I would love to share which side of each of these statements that I feel that I fall on, but I am embarrassed enough to realize that you managed to figure that out fairly early in the list. Hey! Perhaps by admitting the simple fact of my own shortcomings to you, I could be said to have shown a talent for understatement.