The Lighter Side ...

Sometimes, no matter how hard that we try, there are connections that you cannot keep from making in your head. I have had one of those a couple of days ago while multi-tasking in the evening and listening to the news headlines without really paying attention. 

Suddenly I realized that someone had just said that the Russians had invaded Georgia. Now having moved back north from a small town about 60 miles southwest of Atlanta relatively recently, I couldn't help the thought that popped into my head: "Damn, that's a shame. I used to live there!"  

Quickly catching myself and recognizing the implications of what I was hearing and thinking, the next thought never the less naturally followed: "They better watch out, those folks don't much care for Yankees let alone Commies; and a fair number of them have guns and know how to use them." 

(Yeah I know, seriously twisted ...) I should make sure that it is noted for the record that I was treated exceptionally well during my time in Georgia, and find that I often miss it (especially during the winter).

The Value of Democracy

This being an election year, we are confronted once again by candidates for office standing before a microphone and talking about Values; or more specifically, either "Family Values" or "American Values". No one seems to want to define exactly what these values are or why we should want them to have them, but they want to make sure that you understand that they believe in them. 

Now you may think that such discussions and debates have been going on forever in politics, but this is actually a fairly recent development. Historian Gertrude Himmelfarb (yes, that's her real name) tells us that it began in 1983 in England when Margaret Thatcher embraced the accusation that she favored Victorian Values. She of course won that election, and doomed the rest of history through her success. The doom that Prime Minister condemned us to was visited upon us by conceding the use of the word Value in the discussion, when in fact what she favored was Victorian Virtues. Words do mean things after all, and Value does not have the correct meaning in this regard. In fact, the closest that the dictionary comes is: ... something (as a principle or quality) intrinsically valuable or desirable Virtue on the other hand, means something entirely different:

... a commendable quality or trait
... a particular moral excellence  

A Value, while something that may be even considered desirable, is something that has no judgment attached to it for the individual or for society. In fact, anything can be a value regardless of where it fits on the moral compass. For example, Greed, Avarice, and Selfishness can be said to be values, but I think we can agree that none of these traits are something to be aspired to. 

Both Thomas Jefferson and Stalin had a set of values, but I suspect that few would judge the values of these two men to be of equal worth. A Virtue, on the other hand, is something that should be weighed by the judgment of the individual and of society. Traits like Self-sufficiency, Charity, and Self-sacrifice are things that we can all agree are not only values, but worthy aspirations. They are the inspirations upon which the United States was founded, the qualities that we admire greatly in our Founding Fathers, and the traits that we celebrate in great leaders and individuals down through history. 

We have likewise taken some of the meaning out of another word that is key in this discussion, Democracy. We have taken any moral or ethical judgment out of this word when using it as an adjective (especially in defining the afore mentioned Values). In our haste to remain what we choose to call democratic in our judgments of Values we have allowed ourselves to establish a moral relativity on the subject, where every Value is equal in the eyes of society. In this egalitarian paradise, we have not only eliminated Evil from our frame of reference; but any notion of Good as well. In an act of almost national cowardice, we have allowed a moral equivalency to prevent us from calling anything Right or Wrong, Good or Bad, Virtuous or Evil. If all Values are viewed as equal in the eyes of this democratic society, then there can in fact be no Good and Evil. 

It's time to re-establish the concept of Virtues vs Values in the political discussion and in America as a whole. It's time that we make some kind of a judgment on the range of values and decide what it is that we believe in, and what inspires us. We also need our candidates to step away from the concept of non-judgmental Values of recent history and tell us what Virtues that they aspire to for themselves, and for the country. 

Now they say that in writing, brevity is a virtue (It is also the sole of wit and the essence of lingerie), so I should probably wind this up. The next time you hear a candidate talk about "Family Values" or "American Values" however, I would challenge you to substitute Virtues in its place. Then listen to the rest of what that candidate says and judge for yourself whether the principles they are talking about are something that the country should aspire to. Ask yourself carefully whether these Values are indeed Virtues. 

Quote of the Day

Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled, or hanged.

– Abraham Lincoln

Fractured Fairy Tale - The Finkas Touch

Yes boys and girls, once again it's time for Fractured Fairy Tales, and another fable of times and occurrences that may in fact never have happened (and as such carry no legal liability). But let's not keep our story waiting ...


Once upon a time long ago, there was kingdom known as Toodlededoo, which was ruled by a "Man Who Would Be King" by the name of Finkas (no insult intended to the Rudyard Kipling book and certainly not to the Sean Connery / Michael Caine movie which I happen to love). Finkas was not the wisest of leaders, nor was he particularly beneficent in his dealings with his fellow man (or animal for that matter). In fact, Finkas was not a good ruler at all. Unfortunately for the citizens of Toodledeedoo, Finkas was a bit of a tyrant whose only care in the rule of his subjects was ... Finkas.

Now in those days, there were many strange and magical powers wandering the world (no, I don't mean Unions ... and stop trying to change the subject). These powers sought justice for and the general betterment of mankind, and were not without a sense of humor in their attempts to achieve it. They often set forth examples to illustrate what good behavior was or how to exercise the proper use of power. One day, one of them took notice of this petty tyrant in Toodledeedo and decided to grant him a very special power in order to teach him a lesson. It was because of this rather unique gift that Finkas was granted the ability to turn anything that he touched into natural fertilizer (crap, for those who choose to be obtuse).

From then on no matter what the project was, once Finkas touched it, it turned into an odoriferous mass that no one wanted to be near. From classic old apartment buildings to museums, from public markets to bike paths; nothing was beyond his power to convert into a malodorous mass once he his hands were laid upon it. Even if a project were seemingly perfect for his land, combining housing and shopping, and with the scenic river of Tooledeedoo as a setting, it attained a monstrous stench from his contact and kept the money lenders of the day (often accused of their own foul odor) from looking with favor upon it.


Finkas, completely unaware of this baneful power blundered on, though its effects and his constantly failing efforts were a certainly a vexation to him. Convinced in spite of the results achieved that he was operating for the greater good (his own) he continued to plow forward, becoming more angry and frustrated as each new application of his unrecognized power manifested itself. Loud tirades were often heard from the top of the tower where the self-serving Finkas ruled, and more than one of his minions suffered abuse, or even bruises from the frustrations of this miscreant ruler and the power that he possessed. Soon, even many companions of old began to draw away, fearful that the stench that now pervaded the air around Finkas would likewise become attached to them.

Great fear (and smell) pervaded the land of Toodledeedoo, as the citizens began to realize their fate under Finkas' rule. A blight had settled on the land, and many merchants and craftsmen fled, fearing for both their lives and livelihoods. Opportunities which once constantly presented themselves for the betterment of the local citizenry dwindled, as it became apparent that they were fated only to die and leave the stench of putrefaction behind. All attempts to circumvent the ruler failed, as his presence and power inevitably intruded itself and wreaked its noxious effect. Remaining blind in recognizing himself as the crux of the problem, Finkas only became more compulsive in this interference in the name of assistance (and in the hopes of gaining credit for any success that might be achieved). Of course these additional frenzied efforts could only make things (and the smell) even worse.


In the end, it is thought that all but the cursed ruler himself abandoned the once fair Toodledeedoo leaving it as an empty, rotting shell; with only the smell and the flies to remember it by. Its buildings stood crumbling, like the broken teeth in a fetid mouth. Its streets as empty as the unfulfilled potential that once it held. Does Finkas yet remain there? No one knows, and even now none can bear the smell long enough to discover. But down through the long ages since we remember the tale of this cursed community and its fate. All who do are truly fearful of the effects of "The Finkas Touch".

THE END

Of course this isn't really the whole story, or nearly the end of it. The true end of this story has yet to be written. Let us hope that some day we are able to put a happier ending to this tale, and perhaps see such a special place prosper once more.

A Plague On Ohio Business

Be afraid! We may have to raise the plague flag over the State of Ohio. The Ohio Healthy Families Act (better known as the "Sick Days Ohio" Act) has submitted enough signatures to be placed on the November ballot. Be aware, there is nothing healthy about this initiative. 

As outlined in Ballotpedia, these petitions now move on to the Secretary of State for signature certification. If it clears this step, the next move places it on the ballot. If passed, we can expect to see a serious malaise quickly sweeping Ohio businesses.

Were this "Typhoid Mary" of legislation to pass in November, we could expect a painful infection to flourish as it passed through the state. Trapped between the contagious rats of onerous government regulation and the inevitable symptoms engendered by the costs of compliance and the loss of productivity, there would be numerous businesses that simply would not survive. Many currently flourishing companies would suffer and die a lingering, horrible death at the hands of this debilitating disorder, knowing that they had been done in by an infection caused by government imposed paper cuts. 

Some of those who will survive would do so maimed by this malady and as mere crippled shadows of their former selves. Many more would flee Ohio, rather than face the pestilence that waits at their very doorstep. Nor can we expect any business would violate the Quarantine such a law can and would impose, or dare to cross our borders as long as the plague flag continued to fly over our state.

We can yet see this contagion pass us by.  We have only to inoculate ourselves with a vote against this initiative should it reach the ballot. We have only to tell the state that we need no further legislation, regulation, or subjugation to inhibit the entrance or growth of business in Ohio. Failure of this simple preventative measure however, can lead only to the cries of "Bring out your dead" for the future economic growth of the State of Ohio.

Quote of the Day

The Patriot Post sends out interesting words of wisdom from our Founding Fathers in their 'Founders Quote Daily'. None has been more appropriate than today's:  

"We should never despair, our Situation before has been unpromising and has changed for the better, so I trust, it will again. If new difficulties arise, we must only put forth new Exertions and proportion our Efforts to the exigency of the times." 

 - George Washington 

 

Sustainable Rage

 
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to remain mad at someone or something for any real length of time?

This is a question that I am beginning to ask myself as the political campaigns wind on in an almost non-stop fashion. I can't remember the last day when I watched TV without seeing a candidate or one of the commentators from a news program trying to have the last word in a political debate. There are likewise times when I believe that this particular campaign has been going on since we were part of the British monarchy and didn't get to choose who ran the country; and that I am caught in a perverse version of the movie "Groundhog Day", where every day is endlessly the same.

The reason that I ask the question however, is this barrage of political badgering has simply worn me out. The handlers, spinners, and talking heads earned their pay and managed to get me whipped up to fight for the things that I believe in (a fact made more difficult because almost none of the candidates for any office agree with me). As a consequence, for some time now I have been screaming at the television, writing my local elected officials, and climbing onto the soapbox of this blog site to make myself be heard. 

The problem now is that the election is still over 3 months away, and I am running out of gas (an expensive commodity to run out of these days). I find that I can no longer sustain the rage either for or against anything that I had when the process first started out.

Now part of this is the candidates fault. I haven't seen two more unexciting candidates from the major parties since ... OK, the last election. McCain and Obama (listed in alphabetic order, not that of preference), have blathered on for so long and changed their stances on the issues so many times that it hardly seems worthwhile to watch any longer. It seems to make more sense to treat this performance like a basketball game or a NASCAR race and see what things look like closer to the end of the contest before getting excited about it. As for the candidate of the Libertarians Bob Barr, he seems to be a normal enough guy; but seems to be operating in a stealth mode that the military has yet to be able to penetrate or imitate. I am therefore likewise worn out by his invisibility and the lack of information on his positions on the issues.

The rest however, cannot be laid at the feet of the individuals seeking office (though I stand by any previous comments on how boring they are). The process is simply too long this time around for us to operate at the fever pitch that the candidates would like us to. Sooner or later, our bodies fail in the production of the required adrenaline and we simply begin to lose the emotional charge. Even without the ADD and ADHD that most of the human race seems to be suffering from these days, I fear that the attention span of the average voter is not much better than that of a 4 year-old; and that this particular election ran its emotional course long ago for us.

Don't get me wrong, I suspect that some out there will get a second wind as the conventions end and the real battle begins. I think that far more however, will simply stare moronically at our televisions, curious but mostly uncaring as the rest of the pageant plays itself out. I wonder, when the runners left the starting gate for the race this time if they understood that the length of the race could potentially leave us behind? Would they have started any later or paced themselves better in the hopes of helping us keep up? Or is it possible that this whole thing could have been the plan all along, and that it was designed to bludgeon us into submission in the hopes that we would lose interest before election day?

Is it possible that they are that smart? (Nah ...)

The "Stuck on Stupid" Toledo Dictionary #6

Here are a couple of new entries for the SOS "Stuck on Stupid" Toledo Dictionary. There are a fair number of new entries and while I am including them today, I must note that they are currently being reviewed by the SOS Dictionary editorial board, and are therefore subject to minor change.





Animal Abuse

1. The behavior of providing a pet to the Mayor of Toledo, Carlton S Finkbeiner.

Laws

1. Rules and regulations either included in the City Charter, the Ohio Revised Code, or passed by City Council and signed by the Mayor which apply to the citizens of Toledo, Ohio; but not to the elected officials.



Erie Street Market


(See White Elephant)

1. A Black Hole (stellar gravity well) in downtown Toledo which not only seems to suck taxpayer dollars into its event horizon, but likewise seems to have the ability defy or bend the laws of the City Charter and the Ohio Revised Code around itself.
(contrary to current popular belief, this facility is not the illegitimate child of the Mayor of Toledo, Carlton S. Finkbeiner)




White Elephant


(See Erie Street Market)

1. Something so large that it is impossible to ignore, so useless that no one knows why it's there, and so expensive to keep that it defies logic as to why anyone would want to do so.

Happy Birthday Laura

On this, the first anniversary of my daughter's 29th birthday, I have decided to share with you the toast that I gave at a recent early celebration of that event that was given as a surprise party for her by her husband. While I don't normally use this blog for personal stuff (yeah, like hell), I feel that the opportunity to speak a little bit about the aging process for all of us. Besides the chance to embarrass this young woman in public is simply too good to pass up.

We friends and family have gathered together here on this solemn occasion to mourn the passing of Laura Demaria's youth. Having now reached her third decade, she must leave behind at last, the final trappings of her childhood.

Watching now as her daughter Maggie grows and blooms into the young woman that we know that she will become; Laura will now have little to look forward to except to suffer the pangs of jealousy for what might have been in her own life. Remembering the days of her own childhood and adolescence, she must now confront the well-deserved guilt of her misspent and wasted youth.

Time will mark her as each year passes, and as she sees the reflection of every gray hair and every wrinkle in her husband Jim's loving eyes. Even his kind attention however, will provide no solace for the failing health and diminished mental capacity which soon will become her constant companion. Plagued by an ever-growing number of aches and pains as she enters this new period of her life, she will have to face life being referred to as "Mrs Demaria" by her students and treated with the respect of a senior citizen, with only her AARP membership to look forward to.

So while she's still able to hear and understand us, we say "Here's to Laura!" as she celebrates the end of an era. Never again will she celebrate the passing of another year. Her lot instead, will be a future filled with anniversaries of a date and of times she will soon only barely remember.

Now I know that publishing this probably means that I won't get invited to the next birthday party, but having a parent who can string a couple or words together coherently is a dangerous thing for a child.

Happy Birthday Kiddo. I couldn't love you more, nor be any more proud of you than I am today.

Erie Street Market & Memories Of My Youth

Now that you've read the title and become completely confused (and especially for those of you reading this and not residing in Toledo), let me attempt to explain. An article in the Toledo Blade on 7/31 points out what many of us have recently suspected, that the improvements of the Erie Street Market have been made in a rather questionable manner. Now I have spoken on the ESM before, but the Mayor appears to want to take the situation to the next level by secretly funneling money into the facility in order to find new uses for it.

I say secretly because these improvements were not included in budget numbers released as recently as a week ago, showing that the ESM has made a profit for the 1st six months of the year. (This subject is probably covered and more fully by Maggie Thurber here.) These improvements were broken into 13 separate contracts of less than $10,000 in order to allow the mayor to proceed without city council notice and approval. Further, these improvements were performed on the ESM in order to allow the city to compete with private businesses as a concert venue, something the building was not designed for and which appears to be contrary to the "business friendly" environment that the city of Toledo advertises.

But what could all of this possibly have with the memories of my youth ...

This is where I finally have to admit that I am recovering from a serious childhood addiction to television. It is not something that I am proud of, but must cop to if you are to understand my thinking (yeah I know this is dangerous, but read on...). This was especially true when it came to cartoons. From "Rocky and Bullwinkle" to "Woody Woodpecker", from "Space Ghost" to "Yogi Bear", it was a constant battle for my parents to drag me away from the idiot box long enough to perform necessary functions like eating, bathing, or occasionally exposing my body to sunlight. (This may account in some part for how thin I was then as opposed to ... oh, never mind.) Two of the cartoons that I watched in those days were "Popeye" and "Spy vs Spy".

Setting aside the title character in this first example, with his mutant forearms and his anorexic girlfriend, one of my favorite characters was Wimpy. Now Wimpy was a mooch and a panhandler whose only seeming line was, "I will gladly pay you Tuesday, for a Hamburger today". This appears to be the philosophy of Mayor Carlton S. Finkbeiner (for those of you non-locals, yes that is his real name). Having worked his way around the charter limitations of $10K for non-reviewed contracts, he justified the use of over $80,000 in city money (during a $2.5 million budget shortfall) by saying that the money would be paid back by concerts yet to be held in the facility. Now businesses often make investments to gain future profits; but if this was the case, why hide it? If this is the key to making the ESM profitable, why not trumpet the investment as a step forward instead of a pattern of skullduggery and secrecy until it was finally exposed in the media too late to stop anyway?

In the second example of "Spy vs. Spy", this simply points to the relationship that the city has with business in Toledo. The only difference is that in this case, the city is the only one with access to explosives. Taxation, regulation, and competition are the weapons of choice in this battle, with a 2.25% total city income tax leading the charge, and a list of levies longer than my arm following closely behind to make this an unfriendly neighborhood for businesses to play in.

As for regulation, one merely needs to see the recent restrictions that the city has placed on locations, numbers, and method of operation of convenience stores and day care centers to begin to comprehend the city's attitude to the business community. It appears that the city only wants certain businesses in certain numbers, and wants to strictly regulate how they do their business. I don't know about you, but my experience with a government control of markets quickly leads to the term "socialism". 

This brings us to the final leg of the tripod, the competition of city owned business. Toledo has recently gotten into the ambulance and towing businesses, and most if not all of the private companies have either laid off staff or closed. Now the city wants to run a music venue, in competition with privately owned, non-taxpayer funded facilities. (Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?) Now governments are not normally known for their business acumen, but with taxpayers undoubtedly on the hook for utilities and security, my suspicion is that this venture can't help but succeed. The questions however, are what the costs are to privately owned, tax paying operations and at what costs to taxpayers? Additionally, we should ask what business would consider coming to Toledo know that this is the environment that they would have to look forward to?

I loved those cartoons in my youth, and with the relationship now established between the the present and the past now, they may well now be ruined for me. While it may help in the continued control of my former addiction, a little part of my treasured childhood has now been destroyed. Say, now that I think about it, the mayor kind of reminds me of the "Fearless Leader" character from "Rocky and Bullwinkle" with the never-ending series of misguided and failed plots against society. Damn, that ruins another one...