The Inalienable Right to Stupidity

There's been a lot of talk in recent years about the Rights that we have in this country as human beings and as citizens of this great nation (in fact, more than there usually is after NYC's Mayor Bloomberg decided to try and save New Yorkers from large soft drinks).  Some are worthy, some are even inspiring; but some are tedious and boring, some are simply bogus, and some could even be considered rather far-fetched.

No discussion of Rights in this country of course, is ever possible without first mentioning "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness"  (or Property, depending on whether you go with Jefferson's original, or the sanitized version that ended up on parchment) that has come to define the message in the Declaration of Independence. While this was certainly a sound base to build upon, by the time the Founding Fathers had gotten around to writing the Constitution, many of the same people who signed the Declaration had become rather cynical about what would happen to their Rights when having to replace the looser Articles of Confederation with the stronger central government outlined in this new document.  They were wary and distrustful of the amount of power now being place in the hands of that new government.  (Pretty smart guys those Founding Fathers.)  

In spite of the reassurances of some of the finest minds in the nation at the time as to the limits and restraints placed by that Constitution on this new federal government in "The Federalist Papers", they wanted written guarantees as to Rights that would be protected before signing on the dotted line.  A list of twenty such rights was handed back to the nation by James Madison (Jefferson couldn't help, as he was in France at the time), twelve of which were voted on, and ten later passed to became the first ten Amendments to this new Constitution and came to be known as the "Bill of Rights".

With all due respect to the efforts of 'The Father of the Constitution', who I suspect is now whirling like a dervish during his dirt nap when considering some of the feeble attempts put forward masquerading as Rights in this country, I am shocked ... shocked I tell you, by the big one that even he apparently missed.  I'm not sure for example, that 'affordable housing', 'a living wage', or 'free contraception' would have made any list that he would have submitted to Congress (even if it had been available).  Having just gone through a war with the greatest empire of his time over the Rights they believed that they were entitled to 'by their Creator' ... and won it, I doubt that he would have been amused by such mundane concepts, let alone submit them for serious consideration.  In so doing however, he was in fact denying the people of this country the one fundamental Right that even the Declaration's troika failed to list  .... The Right to Stupidity.

Come on now, admit it.  We're all falling back on this Right far more times than any of us would like to admit (and far more than the ten listed in the Constitution).  Have you bungee jumped lately or jumped out of an airplane with nothing between you and certain death but an over-sized handkerchief? How about ordering that triple cheeseburger with the large fries (you know, the kind that makes your cholesterol go up before the first bite)?  Smoke two packs of cigarettes a day for thirty years and still don't think you're setting yourself up for lung cancer?  Drink a quart of vodka every week, but you aren't concerned about the condition of your liver?  Hitting the tanning booth three times a week, but aren't worried about those new freckles that you're getting? How about when you told one of your friends that despite all the warnings, you were still convinced that you'd get your money back out of Social Security?  See, there you go ... Stupidity.

You know, quite a lot of stupidity that we deal with today has to do with government in one way or another.  After all, it's government that tells us that with each new law or regulation, it can protect us from evil banks, greedy corporations, and predatory merchandisers; and we all know that that's just plain stupid.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not objecting if the government wants to check out the hot dog factory from time to time to make sure that it hasn't become a science experiment.  Nor am I upset that if they want to check to make sure that the teddy bear I just gave my grandchild isn't stuffed with material used to clean up hazardous or radioactive waste.  I'm even OK with a few rules for those in the stock market to make sure that they're not lining their pockets with my money while trading off of inside information.  It defies all logic and reason however, for government to think that we're stupid enough to believe that it can protect us from our own stupidity.  (OK, that issue may still be up for grabs...)

The truth of the matter is that if members of this and previous Congresses, along many of the recent occupants of the White House hadn't kept bailing individuals, corporations, and foreign countries from the results of their moronic actions, perhaps there would be less stupidity in the US, if not the world today.  At the very least, making them pay in full for the stupidity of their actions would have resulted in a 'thinning of the herd' that would probably have raised the average and collective IQ in this country considerably.

Of course maybe the real consideration here is that government simply doesn't like having competition.  It doesn't take an Einstein to look at the imbecilic nonsense committed in Washington DC on a daily basis and come to the conclusion that they would prefer a monopoly on stupidity; and that based on their fear of competition they will do all in their power (no matter how stupid it appears) to reduce the number of players in the game.  

The hard truth however, is that with or without government intervention we will remain the constant victims of our own stupidity.  (Are you paying attention Mayor Bloomberg?)  One could even make the case that continued efforts to protect us from our ill-advised behaviors will in fact increase them through a half-witted (though often astonishingly creative) push back against increasing government interference in the exercise of this fundamental Right.

One might even go so far as to say that a government consisting of professional politicians wishing to serve as our elected officials should be wary of tampering with the inalienable right to stupidity, and  should instead be celebrating it.  What other hope do they have in the never-ending quest for a return to their well-paid positions than to count on the stupidity of the American voter.

 
    

The Rights of Spring

So much of the discussion these days is about the "Rights" people think they are entitled to that I felt the need to weigh in on the subject (which beats my normal behavior of gnawing my own leg off in order to escape them).  In addition to those enumerated in the "Bill of Rights", there appears to be a fair-sized list not included with this document that people would like to see added.  

Now the Founding Fathers recognized when amending this document (the only way that they could get the States to agree to ratify it) that the list was not complete.  In fact, James Madison originally proposed twenty of these Rights; but only twelve were sent to the States for ratification, and only ten of those were in fact ratified.  There were a number of people at the time who objected to listing even those as a "Bill of Rights"; saying that by doing so that some damn fool in the future would insist that only those rights listed would be considered valid. (Wow, talk about calling your shot.) Even stretching a point however, I don't believe that many of the ones getting press ink these days could even make a list that Madison would throw away.

On the other hand, it's that time of year when we must further consider another kind of Rights, the "Rites of Spring".  Recognizing of course, that these two are distinct concepts (otherwise why spell them different), I nevertheless saw an opportunity to put my two cents in on both simultaneously in a compromise effort.

In the spirit of the kind of kind of twisted compromise that "Just Blowing Smoke" has long been known for, and with a nod to those on both sides of the political aisle (who mostly wouldn't recognize a real compromise if it jumped off this page and bit them on the ass); I would therefore like to consider some seasonal thoughts which, though they may well fall outside the consideration of the Founders, are no more ridiculous than others that I've heard.

Starting from the most important:

1. I believe in the Right to see the Cubs win a World Series.  It's been over 100 years after all, and I'm sure that even the goat that started the curse would be willing to forgive and forget by now.
2. I believe in the Right not to have to listen to really tasteless and poorly performed Rap music played at a volume that rattles the windows of the car ... pulled up at the stoplight next to me.
3. I believe in the Right to 3-Day Weekends, and further believe that it's a gross imposition on the freedom of American society not to have one every weekend during the spring and summer. (I'm still considering the Constitutional implications of adding Fall to this list.)
4. I believe in the Right to demand that political candidates be forced to take the month of July off so that we get a chance to clear our heads of their non-stop pontificating and mostly pointless and repetitive rhetoric.  (The Mainstream media should likewise be banned from covering such bloviating or commenting on it in any way for the same period.)
5. I believe in the Right to a steak cooked almost medium rare on an outdoor grill right next to the baked potatoes and ears of corn that will accompany it; and served with a beer so cold that's it dripping with condensation. (And can we please pile the butter and sour cream on?  If this journey is going to kill me, I'd like to at least enjoy the ride.)
6. I believe in the Right to stand in the way of Progress until it proves itself to be something worth having. (The version they're touting right now leaves more than reasonable doubt about the concept and much to be desired.)
7. I believe in the Right to demand that potential voters be given a test at least as demanding as the one that allows you to drive; since both are likely to allow one to cause a good deal of general mayhem once you begin doing them.
8. I believe in the Right to temperatures warm enough for the fairer gender to display themselves in all of their warm weather finery. (Not only does this bring a 'spring' to my step, but I think it's specifically mentioned in the Declaration of Independence under the "pursuit of happiness")
9. I believe in the Right to further believe in "the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."  (No wait, Kevin Costner already used that line in "Bull Durham".  Never mind ...) 
10. I believe that I have a Right to end this list before it becomes even more absurd than it already is, and far more farcical than was my original intention. (I know that hardly seems possible, but am willing to concede the floor if anyone has something they consider worthy of addition and let them take their best shot).   

(In the spirit of "Just Blowing Smoke" Political Correctness, the Editorial staff wishes it noted that if any of the Rights listed above have in any way annoyed, offended, or angered you in any way ..... tough cookies.)

 
Now, if I can't get these Rights imposed on this nation (and damned soon), I'm not going to bother with any cheesy 'Occupy' demonstration.  I'm in fact prepared to take these demands (if I must) directly to the UN Security Council for consideration.  

While I have absolutely no respect for an organization that I believe does little more than take up valuable Real Estate in New York City, forcing them to debate a ridiculous issue on which they have can no serious say may at least keep them from wealth redistribution to petty dictators and criminal regimes for an afternoon.  Making them consider yet another bit of pointless nonsense in the name of the concept of Rights that most of the members of this august body have no 'Right' to judge (and that in fact do not actually exist), likewise suits my vindictive sense of humor and my twisted sense of irony where they're concerned.   (Besides, forcing the US representative to the UN to use its veto power to keep this from passing would crack me up.) 

On a personal note, I will mention my cousin Molly Roe will be singing the National Anthem this afternoon at 3:00 PM Central Time at US Cellular Field to begin the Chicago White Sox game against the Detroit Tigers.  While the editorial staff at "Just Blowing Smoke" are unanimously Cubs fans and as a consequence question the wasting of her talents at this questionable venue, we recognize the singular honor being shown to her.  

Good Luck Molly, we know that you'll do an outstanding job, even if it is in front a bunch of Godless cretins. 

TFP Column: The Right of Intervention

Discussion has turned a lot lately to the concept of Rights in this country. There are the inalienable Rights that are set forth in the Declaration of Independence, those outlined in the Bill of Rights in the Constitution, and a lot of other ones that people like to tack on from time to time. They include a good job, a livable wage, health care, and a bunch of other stuff that we are increasingly being told that we are guaranteed because of living in this country (or simply living).

The one that I haven't hear a lot of discussion about is the right to impose a form of government upon another sovereign people. And while I know our government likes to pick the winners and losers in business, picking the winners and losers in internal conflicts going on in other nations might be just a bit out of bounds. All of this led to this week's effort in the Toledo Free Press, "The Right of Intervention". Agree or disagree with the premise, I hope that it at least makes you think about the path we have once more started down.

As this column is going up on the website early this week, there will be lot's to see and read in both the Star edition and the regular TFP, Toledo's largest Sunday circulation newspaper.