TFP Column: Who Should We Fear On 9/11?

Yes it's been a while since I last penned an effort for the Toledo Free Press, but since Editor-in-Chief Michael Miller has rather high standards for a publication that has just earned more awards this year from the Ohio Society of Professional Journalists, it's difficult to offer something that meets them.

Of course this week's effort, "Who Should We Fear On 9/11?" doesn't come close to meeting such standards (which is probably why your truly didn't win anything); but Michael has been kind enough to put it up this week on the TFP website anyway (probably out of a miquided and mistaken feeling of sympathy).  On the other hand, perhaps he was simply looking for someone to look the anniversary of this tragedy without waving the flag.

This has been a busy week in Toledo, with the Mayoral and City Council primaries just completed and the Glass City still in full festival mode; so anyone wanting to keep up with what's going on in Toledo and Northwest Ohio will need to spend a bit of time on the website, at least until this weekend's edition comes our of  "The Best Weekly Newspaper" in Ohio for what is now the fifth straight year, The Toledo Free Press.

Terror Alert: IRS

In a rather rare showing of unasked for enterprise, the Department of Just Blowing Smoke Security has released a second terror alert during the month of May.  Upon reading the Cheetos-stained scrap of paper that was slipped out from beneath the locked door of their Command Center (an attic room that we keep them locked in for their own protection, as well as ours),  I couldn't help but note the timely nature of their warning.  Well, not exactly timely, unless of course you measure timeliness based on when Congress finally gets off of their fat behinds and tries to do its job about something that everyone else has know about for over a year; but I just figured that like the President, they just finally got around to reading about the issue in the papers.

I guessing that by now some of you may have already figured out what's coming here ... a special alert regarding a group of federal government bureaucrats who are making everyone in this country's life a living Hell.  No, I'm not talking about Department of Homeland Security or the Environmental Protection Agency (though Lord only knows I could be); but instead about pernicious pack of pencil pushers known as the IRS.  Surprisingly enough, this is not to be confused with the Internal Revenue Service (though they are certainly an organization made up of poisonous pond scum ...  Oh crap, now I'm going to get audited), but an even more corrupt crowd within the mindless minions of the unelected elite, the Insidious Reprisal Syndicate.

These deceitful bureaucratic bastards actually have their hooks into most of the federal bureaucracy, and are largely responsible for attacks on citizens in this country who refuse to lie down quietly and do what they are told when instructed by those far wiser than they in government service tell them to.  Drain a mosquito-infested pond to protect you children from blood-sucking parasites (no, not the Internal Revenue Service again) spreading disease and they will be the ones taking you to court to make you refill (and restock) it.  Turn a parking lot into a green space (or vice versa) and they will contact you to perform a site restoration.  Attempt to move jobs to another state (let alone country) in order to provide lower costs goods and services to the public and they will work their will to prevent it.  Seek to create jobs in any state in this country, and they will be the ones reprimanding you over violation of arcane regulations in the massive document known as the Federal Register that prevent you from doing so.  And of course, try to start a tax-exempt group to teach the Constitution written to define and limit the government to a nation that has mostly long since forgotten it and a bureaucracy which simply seeks to ignore it, and they will be there to stall the paperwork.

What's amazing in this particular alert is that the government has already somehow managed to correctly identify the perpetrators in the Internal Revenue Service in this case, as low level employees in the bureaucratic maze who acted in such a horrifying fashion without instruction from management, without written guidelines (in triplicate) to follow, and without the knowledge of managers at any level in their respective bureaucracy.  We know this of course, because no one certainly at the managerial level, the senior staff level, or certainly not at the cabinet level itself, would allow such a blatant violation of the First Amendment, nor an obvious politicizing of the bureaucratic process to knowingly occur ... let alone condone it.  (Sarcasm, you decide.)  In fact, this secret society of depraved drones has once again so successfully managed to work their evil will on Conservative groups, that their efforts have mostly escaped current Congressional inquiry, testimony before Congress by the acting Internal Revenue Service Director (acting in fact, seems to have multiple meaning where this job is concerned), and an internal Inspector General audit (which was only able to conclude that no government funds were misused any more than normal by the departmental employees committing these egregious acts).

Not surprisingly, the DJBSS was unable to provide any identifying characteristics for members of the IRS, which of course is exactly the point of their existence.  Outwardly they are just as inconsiderate, smug, and unproductive as any other nameless, faceless bureaucratic drone, so they are well able hide amongst other innocently bungling brethren at will.  They seldom achieve (by choice) either notoriety or guilt.  Having burned off their fingerprints as part of a particularly gruesome initiation ritual, they never leave evidence behind.  Their particularly destructive actions however, eventually come to light.  (Some say that this is on purpose, and acts as a sort of 'Kilroy Was Here' signature for them.)  Like a rotting corpse, at some point the sickening smell of their misdeeds gives them away.  Strangely however,  their transgressions seldom lead to  anything beyond a few weeks of newspaper headlines and a string of meaningless Congressional investigations that allow the Committee Chairman and a few other members to grab some posturing, camera time, and cheap headlines in the political lull before seeking campaign contributions for their next re-election bid.

Because of the particularly bloody trail that these vile, villainous vandals leave in their wake (sorry, I was having a "V is for Vendetta" moment), the DJBSS is raising the terror threat for the couple of days until the inconsequential hearings in Washington can resume to RED.
        

     

TFP Column: The EPA Is Starving People

The heat of the summer seems to be moderating, but the drought continues throughout most of the Midwest.  It seems likely that in spite of more land being planted in corn this year, the harvest in this grain is likely to be less (in fact the Department of Agriculture has told us so).  Corn prices have gone up significantly in the last few years, so farmers seem well-protected by a combination of these higher prices and government programs in place.  

Corn however is food, and less of it means less to eat for people around the world, since the US is a principle exporter of this grain.  There will be even less of it to eat however, with EPA regulations on bio-fuel seeing a fair amount of the harvest being turned into ethanol.  Putting two and two together, it was not a great leap of math to determine that "The EPA is Starving People".  The numbers in this effort all come from reliable sources (none of them owned by NBC), so it might be worth the effort of a few minutes.

We are early in the week however, so there's likely to a lot more to see (maybe even from me); both in the mid-week Star edition and in this week's edition of Toledo's largest Sunday circulation and Ohio's best weekly newspaper for the last three years in a row, the Toledo Free Press.

Don't Hold Your Breath ... Yet

 
Once again, and with little or no fanfare, the United States is on the verge of startling change. Fringe environmental groups, working with the Environmental Protection Agency are working to monitor the production of greenhouse gases.


I am sure right now, that many of you are saying "... and about time. The planet is in peril, animal species are dying all over the planet, and global warming is imminent." While current evidence belies these conclusions, I will not choose to debate that subject here and now. I will only point out that by this self-given mandate, the EPA will have a dramatic impact on the future.

But before I go on, a little history might be in order.

In 1999, environmental groups petitioned the EPA to take on the regulatory function of greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act, and it refused. Later in 2003, the EPA in fact declared that it had no authority to do so under the CAA, since it provided no mandatory authority to address global warming related emissions. 

The environmental groups appealed to the DC District Court which agreed with the EPA decision, saying that the CAA allows regulation only when the "public health or welfare" is endangered. In April of 2007, the Supreme Court overturned this decision however saying that the EPA must, "ground its reasons for action or inaction in the statute". Translated, this means that if the EPA thinks it should regulate something for the public good, then it should.

Now that we are all caught up, let me finally let you in on the dirty little secret that I have been avoiding. What we are talking about here is the regulation CARBON DIOXIDE. Yes, the innocuous gas that plants convert to oxygen has now fallen under the regulatory powers of the Environmental Protection Agency. The agency has since issued what it calls an Advanced Notice of Proposed Rule-making (ANPR) that will say the following:

• Lawnmowers will need standards of exhaust based on the size of the lawn mowed (Grass Mileage)
• Permits would be required for the construction of new sources of pollution (You know, businesses).
• Speed limiters would be installed on over-the-road trucks to reduce their output (though we would assume that Public Transportation like buses or trains would be exempt from such regulation).
• Small businesses and even single-family homes could and would be considered polluters, as they would exceed government mandated outputs.

And the world is changed by government fiat. No law need be passed, no vote need ever be taken. No citizen or elected official need ever choose to see this done. All that needs to happen is for a bunch of behind-the-scenes bureaucrats to sit around a table and decide, and sweeping new mandates will be prosecuted with the force of law. 

People who never ran for office and who will answer to little or no one will decide almost every aspect of our lives in the name of protecting us from a substance produced by the planet itself. The EPA will gain a vitual stranglehold on everything from new home construction, to the use of machinery on farms, to an almost complete control of the growth of the economy itself.  

Of course there is another source of carbon dioxide that I haven't mentioned yet, it's you and me. Every time that we expel a breath, we contribute to the pollution of the planet, as defined by them, by producing CO2 (I am not counting the other gases potentially expelled. That's for another posting.) 

How long do we need to wait before the act of breathing becomes a regulated function? How long before having a child requires a permit, since it would add another source of pollution production? (Beats the hell out rug rat for a nickname) How long before the government sets a "carbon footprint" tax for everyday existence? 

Sound far-fetched? Well if it does, you don't remember when catalytic converters were mandated, or when mileage standards for automobiles were created. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take up the torches and pitchforks before they outlaw the torches (or speech for that matter) as a source of pollution!