Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Here's Your Law

For any of you who have seen any of the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour", one of funny man Bill Engvall's most notable routines is one called "Here's your sign". Like fellow BCCT comedian Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck", this routine outlines questions or situations for which you might be handed a sign stating that you are STUPID. I wondered where the concept for such a thing might come (other than the "I'm with Stupid" tee shirts) when it finally it me ...Government. Who better than they could illustrate just how idiotic, ignorant, and aggressively stupid a group of supposedly intelligent people could be if not local, state, and federal governments.  

Now I know that you would probably take this statement on face value, especially coming from me; but I would not insult your intelligence in such fashion. Besides, I have proof:  

City Level in Ohio
  • Toledo - It is illegal to throw a snake at anyone.
  • Bexley - It is illegal install or operate a slot machine in an outhouse
  • Youngstown - It is illegal to ride on the roof of a taxi
  • Akron - It is illegal to display colored chicken for sale
  • Paulding - It is legal for a policeman to bite a dog in order to quiet him
State Level in Ohio
  • Women are barred from wearing patent leather shoes for fear that men will be able to see the reflection of their underwear in them.
  • It is illegal for more than five women to live in the same house
  • It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday
  • It is illegal to get a fish drunk
Federal Level
  • Bear wrestling matches are illegal
  • It is illegal to flick boogers into the wind
  • It is illegal to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time
  • It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy
The point of this is that lately, our lawmakers at every level do not seem to be happy unless that are creating new rules and regulations to regulate our behavior. From the use of cell phones in cars to the similar use of seat belts, we are barraged with a non-stop and never ending stream of legislation and regulation designed to replace common sense and good judgment.

I have to wonder however, how many of the laws being passed today will be looked at with the same amusement, incredulity, and embarrassment in days to come. Perhaps this is something our all too busy legislators, in their haste to attach their name to the next bit of political nonsense should remember; lest we remember it the next time that they run for election.



Winky Twinky said...

I LOVE BCCT!! Very creative.... I'm just glad I didn't know these things last weekend!!...

I went whale fishing in patent leather shoes, sporting my trusty swiss army knife and ice cream cone in my POCKETbook, hitching a ride on top of the nearest taxi cab... When I caught a fish, we both indulged in my Irish Dr's prescription (needless to say, fishie and I were feelin no pain, thanks Doc!) and flicked boogers into the wind while waiting on the whale... He never did arrive to be caught, so I made my way up the trail where I came upon a snake..well, I just flung it, I didn't know it was gonna hit passersby...when I finally arrived at the outhouse, where I proceeded to win $15 on the slots...

Think they'll come after me for the tax on the winnings? You know they don't tolerate capital gains... (biting nails)

Tim Higgins said...


Leave to you to make this a "who can violate the most laws" competition, and to win it going away.

The rest of us must now settle for merely being violations of the laws of nature.

I wouldn't worry about them coming after you, I suspect that they would do so at their own peril.

Winky Twinky said...

I take that as a compliment, sir... :-D

Hooda Thunkit said...


Before reading WT's entry I penned this for your edification:

So, if I understand you correctly, I could be in big trouble with the Feds, if I (while impersonating a member of the clergy) were to flick boogers into the wind, possibly contaminating the ice cream cone in my back pocket, while attending or participating in a bear wrestling match???

Which immediately brings up these question:

Do I have to give my trophy back, assuming that I beat the bear?

Will a bear eat an ice cream cone covered with boogers?

And lastly, wouldn't the clergy fully appreciate an impersonator taking the Public's mind off of their own recently reported misdeeds?

Doesn't quite seem fair somehow, now does it???


Winky Twinky said...


Great minds think alike... ;)