Holiday Returns

Well the Christmas Holidays are over and like many of you out there I got a few gifts that I really didn't want. Since I am not entirely sure where I received these little treasures from, I am simply going to put them out there to be reclaimed by those happy little givers who left them under my tree:

• 3-5 pounds that seemed to have appeared on Christmas morning. Since these could have nothing to do with the way that I have been cramming items with no food value into my pie hole for the last week, I am asking for whoever dropped them off to come and get them. It's not that they are the wrong size, but that they make me the wrong size.
• A few more white hairs. While it's true that they do go with the ones that I already have, I think that have quite enough of them, so I would like to return these new ones. If you don't mind however, I would like the gray ones back and would not object to a few additional ones as well if it weren't too much trouble.
• A couple of aches and pains. It seems that someone has been giving me this same gift for the last couple of years, though always in different places. I have to tell you that I am quite tired of such gifts and would like to return at least these most recent ones immediately.
• Disposition fermentation. It appears that without my knowledge or permission, someone has been fermenting my disposition. Now I am not normally against the fermentation process in any of its forms (as anyone who knows me can tell you), but feel that in this particular case it may have gone astray. At any rate, my disposition has been a good deal more sour of late, and this is a condition which does not agree with me at all.
• The new glasses I received. I have been wearing the same rose colored glasses for some time now, and though it appears that I sometimes did not see things as clearly as I should have, they fit well and suited me fine. I find that while the new ones provide me with the ability to see much more clearly than before, I can't say that I am pleased with the change (or what I can now see more clearly). I'd like to have the old ones back if it wouldn't too much trouble.

Well, that's all. It isn't a long list, so I don't expect that taking care of it will be too much trouble. As for those of you who gave me these lovely items, shame on your. I would have expected better from those that I thought were my friends.