Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary #18

Once again, it is time for us to add words to the ever-growing SOS "Stuck On Stupid" Dictionary. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular piece of reference material, the SOS Dictionary is an ongoing effort in lexicography which compiles terms and expressions nominally part of the English language, but which often have a special meaning here is Toledo and Northwest Ohio.  

Old GM Business Plan:

1. The strategy that a capitalist company or organization like General Motors creates in order to achieve an established end or objective (ie. a Profit).

New GM Business Plan:

1. Any strategy that a combination of government bureaucrats, elected officials, and union leaders like the proposed new General Motors can manage to come up with, using the US taxpayers monies as financing in order to achieve an established end or objective (ie, a Profit).
2. Something that has lower odds of occurring than the result of the "Infinite Monkey Theorem". (see Infinite Money Theorem)

Infinite Monkey Theorem:

1. A mathematical theorem that states that an infinite number of monkeys hitting random keys on a typewriter for an infinite period of time will almost surely type a given text, such as "The Complete Works of Shakespeare".


Winky Twinky said...

That can happen.....right??

Tim Higgins said...


Of course it could. GM is preparing to place this final plan before its probable lords and masters in government and I currently have an infinite number of monkeys working on a couple of projects. (Monkeys do not seem to be in short supply these days in Toledo.)

I figure that if they can come up with a profitable business plan for GM, they can probably come up with a balanced budget for Toledo.

When you look at those two, Shakespeare seems hardly a challenge.

Hooda Thunkit said...


I sense a certain skepticism in the Infinite Monkey Theorem which leads me to say that you haven't read enough labor contracts ;-)

Imagine secretaries for TPS getting an annual pantyhose stipend. . .

Tim Higgins said...


I thought that this was already part of the plan (at least in the past).

What now?