You Stink !

Just in case you thought that I was kidding about this, I wasn't ... you stink. Don't get me wrong, it's probably not your opinions (well, actually, I'll get to that later), it's literally the way that you smell. Whew! "Now wait a minute," you say. "You're the one smoking those nasty, stinky cigars and trying to kill me with the second hand smoke." And that might be even true enough, in spite of the fact that all of the studies citing second hand smoke as a cause for cancer are anecdotal and that the link is therefore tenuous at best and a lie at worst. As for the smell, I would argue that the smell of a good hand rolled cigar is something that most people savor (good pipe tobacco even more so). 


Besides, your objection should not get to determine my behavior. I am allergic to cats, but that doesn't mean that other people shouldn't get to own them. What we might be able to agree on as objectionable however, is that the smell of a cheap cigar is bad, and much like a cheap perfume can be truly annoying. And that brings me to the my next point. 


There are far too many out there who qualify as parts of the "unwashed masses". Not that we have sunk to the level of the French at least, where bathing still appears to be an occasional hobby rather than a regular practice; but there still appears to be more than a few out there who could use additional doses of soap and water. And of those do manage to get within a handshaking distance of human cleaning products, many of those could use guidance in the area of cologne selection. For those of you who didn't know, the cologne that smells good on your friend may not smell as good on you. A more expensive bottle of perfume does not necessarily smell good, nor does wearing more of it make you smell better. And for those of you who have bought into the nonsensical and wildly successful ad campaign, Axe cologne and body spray does not make women go mad over you (unless it is in fact to run from your ignorance). 


Covering a lack of regular bathing with a perfume or cologne, no matter how expensive or how much you use, simply doesn't work. (Remind me to tell you of an acquaintance of my youth that we used to call "Belly" some day.) What often smells even worse in many cases however, is the arrogance of the opinions of the politically correct crowd, sneering at all who do not hold the views that they consider sacred laws, never to be violated (yeah, you knew I had to get to this at some point, didn't you). The stench of such sanctimonious behavior reeks of the putrefaction of a dying mind, no longer capable of processing new facts or information. In fact this odor may be worse than almost all others; as it is insidious in the way that it spreads, can often go unnoticed until the carrier begins to speak, and is such that it cannot be helped by any purchased scent, regardless of the price. Once perceived however, it permeates the very fabric of the space around it, conveying the odors of self-righteousness, decay, and arrogance.

So for those of you sitting smugly on the pinnacle of such arrogance, looking down from its heights on those of us indulging in what you consider our misguided views and filthy habits. For those of you who wrinkle your nose in disgust at us in what you consider our misguided notions and behaviors. Remember that from the heights that you inhabit the breeze hits your exposed position first, and more directly. And for those of us, who seem to be eternally down wind of your snobbery, pompousness, and condescension let me tell you 

... You stink!