Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Super Terrorist

I found myself flying out of my bed in the wee hours of the morning in my quest for sleep last night. (No, it was not simply my guilty conscience, though you would think that would be cause enough.) The cause of my rude awakening was a nightmare of almost Biblical proportions. Somehow, my subconscious had managed to put 2 and 2 together and come up with a result that was truly frightening. Since I have no scruples where the comfort of others is concerned, let me share this horrific thought with you.

What if you took a socially-progressive liberal, added a healthy does of a rabid environmentalist, and topped the whole thing off with a dash of religious fundamentalism? What would you end up with?
A Super-Terrorist!

Can you imagine what a world with this type of fanatic would look like and the contradictions that would ensue:

  1. Hybrid, or at least fuel efficient, car bombs.
  2. Environmental groups who kill anyone and everyone just to reduce the damage that human beings are doing (in their opinion) "killing the planet".
  3. Global warming death squads that attack oil company headquarters, drilling platforms, coal mines, and refineries.
  4. The death penalty by beheading for anyone using more than their allotted carbon footprint.
  5. Solar and wind-powered bomb factories.
  6. IED's that would no long target military vehicles, but instead blow up SUV's.
  7. Cities which are riddled with plague as PETA and other nature groups prevent us from killing disease-ridden rats and mosquitoes.
  8. Suicide bombers who, riddled with guilt over the violence being perpetrated in society, kill not only themselves and their opposition groups, but often die attacking their own group as well.
  9. Sectarian violence with gangs killing each other using bio-degradable bullets.
  10. Universal health care for all of those injured in the above described sectarian violence.
  11. Government mandated weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels, with strict diet controls for violators.
  12. Every child born to be given $5,000.00, with additional matching government funds provided as the child grows. These funds to be used to cover the child's cost of weapons and ammunition.
  13. Designer scarves for those who need anonymity for their terrorist activities, but are more committed to the money that they are raking in than to the cause that they are fighting for.
  14. Life in prison without parole for killing a tree, a porpoise, or a whale; but not for killing a person.
If any or all this scares the living bejeezus out of you, you can begin to understand why my night's rest might have been interrupted. Society has become socially conscious, infinitely fragmented, and increasingly intolerant all at the same time. It sometimes appears that it is only a matter of time before this equation adds up to some form of disaster. While I have faith that we will come out on the other side of this apparent insanity, I clearly understand that faith is "believing in something when common sense tells you not to".

There are few times in my life when I am grateful in life for the age that I have reached. The above listed prediction in my rather flawed crystal ball makes me glad that I will probably be taking a dirt nap before they actually occur. For those of you younger than me (and feeling pretty smug about it right up until now, weren't you): Be afraid, be very afraid.


Chad said...

EEEEEK! That is scary ;-)

Tim Higgins said...


This is simply part of the public service that we bloggers try to perform. If we can't enlighten, entertain, and scare the crap out of everybody, what's the point?

Chad Quigley said...

Absolutely! My dreams scare even me, so you are a brave individual.

Hooda Thunkit said...


Are you trying to say, in your own subtle way that you have stared into the face of terrorism and they is us?


Tim Higgins said...


You got me on this one. It suddenly occurred to me that the fractionalized, politically correct society that the social progressives are fashioning for our future is scarier than any form of terrorism that we have seen to date.

On the other hand, we probably should take some consolation from the fact that these people don't like to actually win the battles that they fight.