Saturday, October 6, 2007

Run and Hide, The Candidates Are Coming!

Fall is in the air and the leaves are turning. Harvests and hayrides are the order of the day. Halloween is right around the corner (unless you live in Oak Lawn, IL where it has been banned), and then ... another election. 

Prepare yourself therefore for the onslaught of politics and political commercials. Keep the duct tape handy and the aspirin within reach people, we are about to be bombarded with an endless stream of political commercials. Designed to in 60 seconds give us a warm and fuzzy feeling about the candidate, these tedious and boring bits of television do nothing but the opposite. 

Full of cute children, smiling senior citizens, and applauding supporters, they attempt to show each candidate as being "of the people", and mostly fail miserably. Ripe with pointless platitudes, feel good sound bites, and staged video clips; these ads prove that there are a lot of really bad advertising agencies out there. 

Ending with the candidate earnestly looking into the camera and telling us who they are and that they in fact said this, only reinforces the knowledge that someone wrote everything out for that candidate and that in most cases they are not even capable of reading their lines properly. 

Is it just me, or do they all run together in very short order to the point that you don't know what any candidate stands for, which party they are part of, or which office they are running for? ...AND YOU DON'T CARE! 

If you are a candidate out there preparing these messages for the coming election, I can only say one thing to you ... PLEASE DON'T!  

OK, you can't do that and win an election, so try these:  

- Humor sells, try and keep it light and entertaining and we might remember you. 

- Leave your family at home. We assume that you have one, and that they might even like you from time to time; but we're not voting for them.  

- Don't tell us who endorses you. We know that a quid pro quo comes with that and it will only turn us against you.  

- Whatever you do, don't tell us you are or used to be a lawyer. We've got enough of those in politics already and they haven't done us any favors. (OK, maybe we'll make an exception here it you're running for judge; but that's it.

- Stop promising us things that you have no intention of doing or couldn't do even if you wanted to. We're getting really tired of that and you might be the candidate that we decide to draw the line on.

- Don't run your ads quite so often. Repeating the BS over and over until we all want to die a slow death by paper cuts doesn't make make it true or make us believe it. It does however, make us really annoyed with you.  

I'll tell you what, let's all vote for the candidates who come on the air with nothing but really short commercials. They can smile and tell us which office they are running for, that they don't want to bore us with crap that we won't believe anyway, and fade to black. Fifteen seconds and out, cheaper for them and better for us. As Glenn Beck says, "Wouldn't that be great?"  

By the way, the aspirin and duct tape work particularly well as a preventative measure if you stuff the aspirin in your ears and duct tape them in place.


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