Master of None

My recent recovery process has given me ample time to pause for reflection, which is something that I have discovered can be a truly frightening experience. You see, there were so many things that I wanted to do and to be in my life, and I fear that I never made it. 

I wanted to be a musician at one point in my life, and was even in a couple of bands as a young man. I quickly realized however how tough a business that this could be, and that my musical abilities were nowhere near those of many people that I knew then and now. 

I wanted to be a radio personality like Larry Lujack on WLS AM radio in Chicago when I was growing up, or like many of the talk radio personalities that I hear today both locally and nationally. I have even been given a shot to do so here in Toledo a couple of time on 1370 WSPD. I can't say that I find any real talent or ability in myself for this profession though. It's a lot of fun, very hard work, and probably something that I shouldn't be allowed to do very often. 

I seriously considered becoming a professional student, and maybe even a professor. I discovered however that the life of academia was far more rigid than the worst of trade unions. Far too little original thought is generated, and far too much regurgitation of tired ideas is treated as knowledge. I soon realized that I had neither the patience nor the temper to deal with this hide-bound existence and moved on. 

I hoped to become a captain of industry by making my way in the world through production or sales. I have spent a number of years doing it and had a fair amount of successes both in working with people and in sales, but realize now that I am neither intuitive enough nor enough of a bastard to rise to the top of the capitalistic pyramid. 

I hoped at one time in my life to be a civic leader, and perhaps even run for minor office. I discovered however that while I like people on an individual basis, I find them often mean, lazy, and hard to deal with in large groups. I also discovered that I had trouble not telling them so. This lack of inhibition, along with some rather ugly scars of life's battles that I have accumulated make me unsuitable as a political candidate and probably even more so as a potential leader. 

I desperately hoped to become a writer, having become enamored of literature and addicted to putting things on paper in my youth. As this blog, a few letters to the editors to local papers and USA Today, the columns that have been published in the Toledo Free Press, and the effort of my still unpublished novel attest; I have certainly given it a try. 

I fear however that I will never be compared with the great novelists, the great columnists, or even the best bloggers of the world. It's not that I do a bad job, it's just that I don't rise to the level of my betters in these efforts. I have decided in my recent reflections that this is going to be OK with me. The lack of true talent, short attention span, and lack of initiative that I have illustrated with my life to date has probably always kept me from being able to do one thing well enough to rise to the top of a profession. 

I have discovered however, that I do have a little ability in each of these fields and that each of them as been a rewarding pursuit. I guess therefore, that I am the living example of the expression "jack of all trades, master of none".