As part of the madness that masquerades as every day existence for me, I am periodically subjected to things outside of my control. No, I am not complaining about my lot in life (though if you have a hour or two, I will be happy to). I am talking about the loss of freedom, the physical and mental degradation, and public embarrassment that we subject ourselves to every time that we fly on an airplane. Now I know that I have touched on this before, but these periodic reminders do little harm, and may do you some actual good. I am therefore going to apply some common sense (something that one should never do where government regulations are involved), and comment on some of the madness that are the current TSA security regulations regarding air travel:
Liquids cannot not be brought on as carry-on luggage in volumes more than 3 oz.
I have to ask first, what can I do with 4 oz that I couldn't do with 3? Is this some critical mass in chemistry that I was never made aware of? And if I have two different containers with 3 oz of the same fluid, does this too constitute a violation of the regulation, and if it does how would they know?
I have to ask first, what can I do with 4 oz that I couldn't do with 3? Is this some critical mass in chemistry that I was never made aware of? And if I have two different containers with 3 oz of the same fluid, does this too constitute a violation of the regulation, and if it does how would they know?
I can't carry a pocket knife with a 1" blade (or longer) onto a plane.
I understand that a knife can be used as a weapon, but if that's the case, why have airlines gone back from using plastic butter knives to metal ones? If knives are the only issue, then why do the airlines hand out metal forks with 1" tynes? Call me silly, but it seems this eating implement could also easily be used a a weapon. Heck, the handle on a metal spoon can be pretty dangerous used by someone with training.
I can't have more than (2) boxes of matches in my checked luggage.
(See 3 oz of liquid) What danger are 3 boxes of matches going to pose that 2 didn't? What if I have traveling companions carry some for me? Is there some critical mass at which matches become bombs? Haven't these guys ever heard of collecting matches as souvenirs from restaurants?
I can't carry a lighter in my checked luggage.
I can only assume that this is because it might ignite the matches that I or someone else collected from the restaurants. Since it is checked luggage however, this would have to happen spontaneously.
... and here's my favorite after some recent international travel Liquor or perfume purchased at a duty free store out of the country constitute liquids.
In spite of the fact that they are purchased after you pass through security in a foreign airport, are factory sealed, and that they are not delivered to you until just before you board the plane, they are a violation of TSA rules once you land. Because you must pass through security before boarding your domestic connection, you must put these liquids into your checked luggage (which of course you find out about after you have already rechecked this luggage for the domestic portion of the flight).
Your options are then to:
1. Go back and check just the liquids at the counter (because luggage never gets damaged in processing).
2. Go back to the counter and convince the airline to bring your luggage back up so you can put it in your checked luggage (if you have time).
3. Allow TSA to confiscate the liquor or perfume that you purchased and allow you to continue on your way. (Good booze and perfume, oh baby. Sign me up for the next TSA office party or work picnic.)
Listen, I still fly a fair bit and I would like the airlines to be safe. I do not take that safety lightly, but I can't help but take lightly the lunacy that masquerades as security and the Wal-Mart greeters in charge of it. I want to know why they keep hiring the guy who wrote the rules for the IRS to do so for every other agency. I would like to know why it takes 3 people to operate an X-ray machine at an airport, and 1 at a hospital. Actually though, I just really want to know why the government believes that harassing every air traveler will make them safer.
If this is the only way that we can be safe, then they better pass a law forbidding the construction of any building of more than two stories for fear of earthquakes. The truth of the matter is that it was probably easier to get through Checkpoint Charlie (the crossing point between East and West Berlin when the Wall was still up for you young people), than it is to board an airplane these days in the US.
TSA's answer to the concept of security is suspect profiling that assumes that everyone is guilty (though some airports will grant you the privilege of the equivalent of an FBI profile to get a card that says that you aren't a threat). Ignoring successful programs in Israel and European countries with far higher threat levels, we instead settle for the gang who couldn't shoot straight and a process right out of bad Marx Brother movie (you know, the ones where Zeppo sang all the time).
And even then like cattle lining up for the slaughter, we calmly cue ourselves up to participate in this farce. Simply a part of the lowing herd, we divest ourselves of jewelery, electronic equipment, and articles of clothing so that we can be processed like the mindless beasts that we allow them to treat us as.
The only people that TSA will capture under the current system will be more than terrorists, they will be morons. So shame on us all for submitting to an abuse of the very laws that this country was founded on.
I understand that a knife can be used as a weapon, but if that's the case, why have airlines gone back from using plastic butter knives to metal ones? If knives are the only issue, then why do the airlines hand out metal forks with 1" tynes? Call me silly, but it seems this eating implement could also easily be used a a weapon. Heck, the handle on a metal spoon can be pretty dangerous used by someone with training.
I can't have more than (2) boxes of matches in my checked luggage.
(See 3 oz of liquid) What danger are 3 boxes of matches going to pose that 2 didn't? What if I have traveling companions carry some for me? Is there some critical mass at which matches become bombs? Haven't these guys ever heard of collecting matches as souvenirs from restaurants?
I can't carry a lighter in my checked luggage.
I can only assume that this is because it might ignite the matches that I or someone else collected from the restaurants. Since it is checked luggage however, this would have to happen spontaneously.
... and here's my favorite after some recent international travel Liquor or perfume purchased at a duty free store out of the country constitute liquids.
In spite of the fact that they are purchased after you pass through security in a foreign airport, are factory sealed, and that they are not delivered to you until just before you board the plane, they are a violation of TSA rules once you land. Because you must pass through security before boarding your domestic connection, you must put these liquids into your checked luggage (which of course you find out about after you have already rechecked this luggage for the domestic portion of the flight).
Your options are then to:
1. Go back and check just the liquids at the counter (because luggage never gets damaged in processing).
2. Go back to the counter and convince the airline to bring your luggage back up so you can put it in your checked luggage (if you have time).
3. Allow TSA to confiscate the liquor or perfume that you purchased and allow you to continue on your way. (Good booze and perfume, oh baby. Sign me up for the next TSA office party or work picnic.)
Listen, I still fly a fair bit and I would like the airlines to be safe. I do not take that safety lightly, but I can't help but take lightly the lunacy that masquerades as security and the Wal-Mart greeters in charge of it. I want to know why they keep hiring the guy who wrote the rules for the IRS to do so for every other agency. I would like to know why it takes 3 people to operate an X-ray machine at an airport, and 1 at a hospital. Actually though, I just really want to know why the government believes that harassing every air traveler will make them safer.
If this is the only way that we can be safe, then they better pass a law forbidding the construction of any building of more than two stories for fear of earthquakes. The truth of the matter is that it was probably easier to get through Checkpoint Charlie (the crossing point between East and West Berlin when the Wall was still up for you young people), than it is to board an airplane these days in the US.
TSA's answer to the concept of security is suspect profiling that assumes that everyone is guilty (though some airports will grant you the privilege of the equivalent of an FBI profile to get a card that says that you aren't a threat). Ignoring successful programs in Israel and European countries with far higher threat levels, we instead settle for the gang who couldn't shoot straight and a process right out of bad Marx Brother movie (you know, the ones where Zeppo sang all the time).
And even then like cattle lining up for the slaughter, we calmly cue ourselves up to participate in this farce. Simply a part of the lowing herd, we divest ourselves of jewelery, electronic equipment, and articles of clothing so that we can be processed like the mindless beasts that we allow them to treat us as.
The only people that TSA will capture under the current system will be more than terrorists, they will be morons. So shame on us all for submitting to an abuse of the very laws that this country was founded on.
(As a note for personal safety, duct tape is legal as part of carry-on luggage and may be required to keep your head from exploding while dealing with TSA.)
2 comments:
as someone who travels more than me, you must really be frustrated by the ridiculousness of the rules...
Maybe you'll be lucky enough to travel through the airport that is going to include mauve lighting and soothing music to keep you mellow as you suffer these inequities...
Maggie,
I have reached the stage of life that I have by being more concerned with the quality of my frustration, not the quantity, and the same holds true for my scale of the ridiculous.
As for my future, I only ask for the luck of travel free of delay and abuse in keeping with my pretensions. Anything more would simply be greed.
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