Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Female Attention

The largest feature on any man is often difficult, if not impossible to see. (Now, now ... we all know that I am not talking about that, and it's only your dirty mind that suggests such a thing. Besides it is probably far from any man's largest feature.)  I am talking in fact, about his ego. 

Amazingly however, while this is usually the largest feature on a man, it is also the most fragile. It can be bruised, or even utterly destroyed (at least temporarily) in the most simple and innocent of ways, though most of the damage done seems to be self-inflicted in one way or the other through the misinterpretation of the attentions of the female of the species.

The reasons for this attention can be anything from good manners to simple friendship, furthering a budding relationship to the seeking of a life-mate. The only thing that you can be sure about however is that a man will either be oblivious to it; or more probably will make more out of it than was intended. The best minds in science seem unable to discover either a cause or a cure to this debilitating and seemingly universal condition (though I am sure that there are a number of government studies going on)

Though not a scientist, I believe that the answer is simply that the male ego is so large that impairs the vision of its owner. The little vision left to us is much like looking in the rear view mirror of a car, making us see something as larger than it actually is. On the other hand, when a woman is actually paying attention to us, the odds are better than even that we will be completely clueless to it. 

This condition appears to be some form of misguided compensation for all the times of error on the other side, and it only kicks in when it is not needed. The resulting confusion from this apparently misguided self-defense mechanism invariably leads to ego self-flagellation and worse, failures to take advantage of potentially ego supporting behavior with members of the opposite sex. In other words, when it comes to dealing with the attention of women and our own egos, we are our own worst enemies. I have come to the conclusion in fact, that the perception of the female of the species is the only thing that allows relationships to occur.

So ladies, please be a bit more kind and understanding with us as you realize that we are again misinterpreting your intentions towards us. We can't seem to help it. Remember to treat our fragile egos gently when letting us down if your intentions are less than we have made them out to be. If they are more, please feel free to club us over the head with them. (It may be the only way for you to get through.) As for my fellow men out there, remember these words the next time that you get the feeling that a woman across the room seems to be eying you, and realize that while the experience may be providing you with a warm, fuzzy feeling, it is probably not nearly as much as you would like to think that it is.
Besides, she isn't looking you anyway, she's eying me behind you....

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