Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Drinking Makes Me Smarter

I was out celebrating my birthday last evening (thank you for the well wishes whether you gave them or not) when one of my old pontifications occurred to me and I thought that it was worthy enough that I would share it. Now I have spoken with friends, acquaintances, and perfect strangers over the years on this subject and have never been able to find anyone who has been able to find fault with the thinking involved or refute the logic contained here. 

(Of course those whose opinion I sought were usually sitting at a bar drinking at the time, but that's OK with me.) 

While none of this may be proven fact, it is at the very least a set of logically put forth arguments (oh sure, logic twisted sideways and stretched beyond all possible recognition, but logic none the less.).  

Scientists tell us that the consumption of alcohol kills brain cells as it passes through our system. 

Scientists further tell us that most of us are only using 10% of our brain in order to function (in some cases less, but again another story for another day). 

Further, the Theory of Evolution tells us that in Nature the weaker always makes way for the stronger for the advancement of the species, more commonly expressed as "Survival of the Fittest".  

By drinking therefore, I am killing my weaker brain cells, forcing myself to use stronger ones that were not previously carrying the load (something that I too have been accused of from time to time). Using these stronger brain cells cannot help but me my brain more efficient, and therefore ... drinking makes me smarter! 

Now before you go off to try to improve yourself dramatically in a night of binge consumption, I would caution you against an attempt at becoming too smart, too quickly. The world has never really liked or appreciated smart people, or even people who think they're smart for that matter. Remember too that we have elections coming soon and being less smart will help you to get you through that process with a lot less frustration. Use the knowledge that you have been given here judiciously, and consume in moderation instead. 

Finally, consider the following when tempted to gain intelligence through the consumption of alcohol in mass quantities: "The difference between an alcoholic and a drunk is that a drunk doesn't have to go to all of those meetings."

 Enjoy yourself on the road to personal improvement, but be careful not to cross the center line...

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