Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Oil Shortage Is My Fault

I reached a moment of epiphany yesterday that I felt that I had to share with all of you. I discovered, during a singular moment of clarity, that I am responsible for the current shortage of oil here in the United States, and the resultant higher prices that we are all paying for gasoline. 

I know, I know ... I am not an oil company, nor do I have the ability to drill for oil. (Hell, with my little car and the amount that I drive, I don't even use much of the stuff.) The problem that I appear to have created instead seems to be one of imitation. You see, I have been meaning to lose some weight for some time now (since about the Carter Administration if you must know). This is a problem (like the person with it) that has been growing for a number of years. I have complained about it, sought sympathy over it, and have told myself that I was dealing with it as best I could. The problem however, is that I was not making the honest effort that I should to change. Looking at the situation, it would be easy to say that: 

* My appetite has increased, but I don't make much of an effort to curb it. - My situation leaves me desk-bound, but I don't push to exercise more. 

* I am capable of eating healthier, but I don't do so nearly as much as I should. 

* Not dealing with this problem for so long a period has made it worse, but recognizing that this is the case has not caused a change in my overall behavior. 

Compare this to the way that the country has been dealing with the current energy crisis (a problem that we have been facing off and on since the oil embargo during ... the Carter Administration), and you will begin to see why this relationship is now so clear to me.  

- We know we have a greater appetite for oil, but perform only the most cursory efforts to curb it.  

- We know that we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but won't exercise our right to drill for it domestically.  

- We know that there are healthier sources of energy out there like nuclear, but don't make an honest effort to use them.

 - Not dealing with this problem has added to inflation (pun intended) and other economic hardships for the country; but though we recognize this, we appear to be unwilling or unable to make any real changes and resolve it.

 Based on due consideration of the above, I am forced to the conclusion that my personal behavior has been controlling national policy, and that the country has suffered as a consequence. I wish to apologize for the hardships that I have caused the American people. I further wish to apologize for not realizing the problems that I have been causing. 

Ignorance (even when not aggressive) is no excuse for such a lapse in discernment or judgment however. In recompense, I hereby resolve to expend every effort to address this situation as quickly as possible. In fact, it is my intention to immediately go on a diet ... well tomorrow anyway.  

(For those of you who believe that the concerns that I have share here might be nothing more than a form of posturing and pretension that may even border on megalomania, I must concede that it's possible you are correct. My response however is, "What's your point?")



Roland Hansen said...

I, too, have been meaning to lose some weight for some time now. As anyone can plainly see, I have had an ongoing problem with an ever-growing waistline for a number of years. As you have done, I also have complained about it, sought sympathy over it, and have told myself that I was dealing with it as best I could. My problem however, is that despite the honest efforts that I have made to change, my growing waistline problem keeps growing. Looking at the situation, here is what I can say:

- My appetite has decreased, so I don't even have to make much of an effort to curb it.

- My situation has gotten me out from behind the desk, so now I can and do exercise more.

- I now eat healthier but am capable of eating even healthier, but I don't do so because I like steak and prime rib and -- well, you get the picture.

- Dealing with this ongoing growing problem for so long a period has made it frustrating, but I do recognize that the aging process with its corresponding metabolic and physiological changes is a major contributing factor. None-the-less, that stark recognition has not made the acceptance of this growing problem any easier or less frustrating.

Now, in regards to the overall oil shortage problem, I am doing my part, but it hasn't seemed to have helped the overall situation one little bit. My approach has been to tackle both my growing waistline problem and the decreasing availability of affordable gas in one clean swoop. You see, to assist me in eating healthier and obtaining the necessary protein with less dependence on red meat, I now eat much more beans with the resulting consequence that I now have an abundance of gas. However, while I now have no shortage of gas, it doesn't seem to have helped the situation of the oil shortage.

Tim Higgins said...


I choose to use the phrase, "Living proof of an expanding economy" to describe my situation. It's semantic nonsense, but then again, that's what I'm good at.

As for your solution to the gas shortage; while the substance described is flammable, it is difficult to contain (heck, you can't even hold it in). While your attempt is admirable, I am concerned about your level of emmisions. Don't be surprise if the Sierra Club sics the EPA on you.

Roland Hansen said...

Oops, what was that noise? A car backfire, a tire blow out? a gas explosion?

Moose Tracks said...

Tom, I applaud your personal efforts! And - I also applaud your honesty in recognizing the fact that America has allowed itself to be held hostage to fanatical environmentalists who have effectively prevented us from drilling for oil, as well as preventing more nuclear reactors to be built. Those of us who can read are at the mercy of the vast majority who can't, and who ignorantly pull the lever for the politician that makes them "feel good". Such twaddle is enough to turn all of my stomachs. And you can see the fix it has put us in today.

Now the nonsense about so-called "global warming" is threatening to bankrupt our nation. Where will it end?

Roland Hansen said...

Moose Tracks,
Have you hugged a tree lately? It will make you feel good.

Moose Tracks said...

Actually, Mr. Hansen, I live within the woods and have hugged more trees than imaginable - my own, and those of others. I have mourned the loss of those huge and ancient sentinels of the forest that I have had to cut down, and I have also allowed standing dead trees to remain as ersatz condos for those critters so inclined. I rather fancy myself a steward of this beautiful planet, but I deliberately refuse to use the moniker of "environmentalist" as those who claim that title leave a very bad taste in my mouth.

Roland Hansen said...

Mr. Hansen was my father. Please feel free to call me Roland or whatever you so please, as long as you don't call me late to dinner.

I love trees, especially the orange and grapefruit trees in the backyard of my second home in Mesa, Arizona. I also love cherry trees, peach trees, pear trees, and apple trees. And, when I die, I want to be reincarnated as a giant sequoia sapling.

Live long and prosper.