Side Effects

I have at long last come to believe that the pharmaceutical companies are one of the true banes of Mankind. This is not to say that I have bought into the conspiracy theory that they are charging too much and making obscene profits from the treatment and cure of disease, or that I have drunk the Kool-Aid and now agree that they are in a secret conspiracy to defraud the public while secretly keeping the cure for cancer or some other such disease from us. No, their crime against humanity is much more grievous in type and insidious in nature than that. 

That crime, for those of you too busy watching the TiVo reruns of the "X-Files" or "The Daily Show" instead of news stories, is that somehow these evil doers have convinced us to take their medications, the side effects of which are far more scary, painful, and humiliating than the conditions which they purport to treat; even after they've informed us in their commercials of the true nature and gory details of those effects. 

In the process of treating things like depression, addiction to cigarettes, or erectile dysfunction they are exposing us to other conditions of a far more serious nature. (I know, I know, what could be more serious than erectile dysfunction?) I mean come on people, who wants to be cured of nicotine addiction with the side effects of depression, loss of will to live, or suicidal thoughts. 

Speaking of depression, what does it mean about a product that treats such a condition when its side effects include continued thoughts of depression or suicidal thoughts. (Is it just me, or does it seem to you that such side effects actually mean that the medicine isn't working?) 

And as to erectile dysfunction, even if you had the side effects, how would you find the strength of character to admit them? Who is going to the Emergency room to report that they have been able to perform sexually for over four hours, and continue to remain ready to do so? (Other perhaps, than the exhausted partner of such a potential patient, of course.) 

And lest we believe that these are not the only conditions that we have to look forward to in our moments of physical weakness as we submit ourselves to the tender mercies of these Marquis de Sades, let me go on. Rashes, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and anal leakage wait just around the corner for those of us willing to place our health in the hands of these so-called miracles of modern medicine. 

I have to ask myself whether such travesties of medical science will be allowed to continue under whatever surfaces from the ongoing health care debate. Will a government, never very good at predicting nor capable of dealing with the unintended consequences of their actions be able to cope with the licensed dispensing of the chemicals that the health care industry suggests we ingest? What will they be and how can such government health care hope to handle the "side effects".