I Have Seen The Signs

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I have seen the signs,

but it sometimes appears to me that their meaning is less than clear. I use to believe that I knew what some of them meant, but now refuse to believe that I hold the final opinion on the subject. Besides, I am not sure that everyone agrees with me (not that this has ever kept me from holding an opinion). I have therefore decided to put down here what many people appear to believe that certain road signs mean based on their behavior. My hope is that by doing so, perhaps someone will understand all of this and explain it to me. I also have included a few here that simply either intrigue or amuse me.

You can and should only go one way, in this case we would like you to go in the direction of the arrow; unless of course it's an emergency, or you have been drinking excessively.

Please be careful and look out for me, because I am not paying any particular attention to anything around me and for all that I know I will end up in the lane that you are already in.

This is not really a sign, but is never the less still applicable. It obviously has three different meanings, which I used to think were never explained better than in the movie "Starman":

Green = Go
Yellow = Go really fast
Red = Stop

I have since come to believe that the third definition is no longer applicable. With the new technology that most of our cities are employing, the Red signal should now read:  "Smile, we just took a picture of your license plate."

 
No matter which way you decide to go, you're screwed. And don't expect me to take the blame for it, you were the idiot who chose this road in the first place. My advice to you is take your best shot pal, you might get lucky...

You and your car do not need to be here under any circumstances, so just leave. Of course, if you choose to disagree, please feel free to stop here and stay a while. There will be no consequences. (Do you think they bought it?)

Please be advised that the people around here are not the only things that experience Road Rage.








 
Of course these instructions make no sense, but what did you expect? Being confused about it won't do you any good. No matter which way that you decide, we are going to give you a ticket. Pretty funny, huh ?





This may be the only truly honest sign that I discovered. It is clear, to the point, and always correct.